Am I right to ask him to pay anyway?

Ms. Pingui

Myself and four others booked an apartment to go away for 2 nights next week.
Just over a week ago one of the group, a good friend lets call him Gerry, decided he wasn't going to go and gave a reason. He said he would give us half the money he owed. We found another person to replace him on the trip after that.
Later we found out that the excuse he gave about not being able to go was a lie. The person we found to try and replace him now can't go because he couldn't get off work.
Gerry is now refusing to pay point blank so we will have to cancel our trip. I thin he should pay.
Who is right?

Starokan

I think when you found someone to replace him then the onus was off him in terms of having to pay.

If I was on a trip and had to pull out I would pay my way, if I pulled out and someone replaced me I think I would expect that person to assume the financial responsibility

Ms. Pingui

Starokan wrote: »

I think when you found someone to replace him then the onus was off him in terms of having to pay.

If I was on a trip and had to pull out I would pay my way, if I pulled out and someone replaced me I think I would expect that person to assume the financial responsibility

the replacement was never definite and he knew that

Chucky the tree

If the replacement was definite then Gerry has to pay. If he doesn't I'd cut him off as a friend. Not paying your way in situations like this is a horrible trait in a person and is a good way of showing what a person is truly like.

Ms. Pingui

Chucky the tree wrote: »

If the replacement was definite then Gerry has to pay. If he doesn't I'd cut him off as a friend. Not paying your way in situations like this is a horrible trait in a person and is a good way of showing what a person is truly like.

Ya I was pretty much done with him anyway. He said he was never responsible and only offered half the money to be nice.

ShowMeTheCash

How far in advance was this planned?

As long as no one is out any real money he is under no obligation to go, next time get the money up front or book something on your own, problem solved.

He offered to pay half but you thought you might have a replacement so you effectively let him off the hook!

Citycap

Like so many other stories it goes to show that he wasn't a friend at all just an acquaintance. I have heard this happen so often with groups going to matches in the UK, stags in Berlin etc. A lot of fellows are all talk and no action. The actual true friends you will find in life can be counted on one hand. The only way to do any of these trips is to get deposits/instalments in to avoid any problems

Ms. Pingui

He says he won't pay because myself and my sister who's also going on the trip "abused him".
Really all we did was call him on being a hypocrite.
He told us he couldn't go because he wanted to loose weight and be healthy and stop drinking etc.
We found out that this was bull**** because he's been in McDonalds I don't know how many times and out eating pizzas and crisp. Then he went out binge drinking last week and put up a big status on facebook the next morning going on a bout how drunk he was.
He said he was getting sick everywhere and smashed his phone and spent heaps of money etc.
When I called him out on it he tried to tell me he got spiked and then gave some stupid excuse about having to go out drinking to comfort his friend who got traumatic news.
Then he went all nasty and insisted I pay his brother for a job he did for me in a lump sum that day. It had already been previously agreed that it could be paid of a small bit weekly.
I just paid it to shut him up even though it left me broke for the week.

I had a massive fight with him today about him not paying and it turned nasty. It looks like our friendship is over.

Lorna123

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

He says he won't pay because myself and my sister who's also going on the trip "abused him".
Really all we did was call him on being a hypocrite.
He told us he couldn't go because he wanted to loose weight and be healthy and stop drinking etc.
We found out that this was bull**** because he's been in McDonalds I don't know how many times and out eating pizzas and crisp. Then he went out binge drinking last week and put up a big status on facebook the next morning going on a bout how drunk he was.
He said he was getting sick everywhere and smashed his phone and spent heaps of money etc.
When I called him out on it he tried to tell me he got spiked and then gave some stupid excuse about having to go out drinking to comfort his friend who got traumatic news.
Then he went all nasty and insisted I pay his brother for a job he did for me in a lump sum that day. It had already been previously agreed that it could be paid of a small bit weekly.
I just paid it to shut him up even though it left me broke for the week.

I had a massive fight with him today about him not paying and it turned nasty. It looks like our friendship is over.

It looks like you are better off that he is not going. You wouldn't want him spoiling your holiday. Count yourself lucky he backed out, it will be worth the extra you have to pay not to have him around.

LittleBook

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Gerry is now refusing to pay point blank so we will have to cancel our trip. I think he should pay.

Frankly, from your subsequent posts, I highly doubt you'd have gotten half the money from him anyway. Do you HAVE to cancel the trip? Is there no way the three of you can absorb the cost of the fourth person?

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

He says he won't pay because myself and my sister who's also going on the trip "abused him".
Really all we did was call him on being a hypocrite.
He told us he couldn't go because he wanted to loose weight and be healthy and stop drinking etc.
We found out that this was bull**** because he's been in McDonalds I don't know how many times and out eating pizzas and crisp. Then he went out binge drinking last week and put up a big status on facebook the next morning going on a bout how drunk he was.
He said he was getting sick everywhere and smashed his phone and spent heaps of money etc.
When I called him out on it he tried to tell me he got spiked and then gave some stupid excuse about having to go out drinking to comfort his friend who got traumatic news.
Then he went all nasty and insisted I pay his brother for a job he did for me in a lump sum that day. It had already been previously agreed that it could be paid of a small bit weekly.
I just paid it to shut him up even though it left me broke for the week.

I had a massive fight with him today about him not paying and it turned nasty. It looks like our friendship is over.

For your own sake, I hope so.

Katgurl

the OP was fairly straightforward but from the follow-up I don't think anyone is coming out of this particularly well.

It wasn't exactly a 'lie' he told you, it was an intention. If he pulled out of trip because he didn't want to be tempted and you told him you had a replacement, well then that took responsibility from him. I don't think you had any right to be calling him names, listing off how many times he was in McDonalds or anything like that. I wouldn't feel like playing fair or doing the right thing by people who threw accusations at me like that.

Similarly, his nonsense about being spiked and all the rest of the behaviour is a joke. Why would you want him to go with you?

Yes, in the strictest sense of things I guess you are owed money but there is no way in hell you are going to get it now. IMO you should leave him alone, he obviously has a lot on his plate, stop hassling him & chalk it up to expeirence ie. next time take deposits / money in advance. I've been burned like this before, haven't lost friends but it has tarnished my view of them. Now I don't leave myself vulnerable unless we have a history of lending / subbing hassle free.

Try your best to find a replacement or absorb the cost.

I agree; the friendship is over. I can't imagine why any of you would want it to continue under the circumstances.

Ms. Pingui

Katgurl wrote: »

the OP was fairly straightforward but from the follow-up I don't think anyone is coming out of this particularly well.

It wasn't exactly a 'lie' he told you, it was an intention. If he pulled out of trip because he didn't want to be tempted and you told him you had a replacement, well then that took responsibility from him. I don't think you had any right to be calling him names, listing off how many times he was in McDonalds or anything like that. I wouldn't feel like playing fair or doing the right thing by people who threw accusations at me like that.

Similarly, his nonsense about being spiked and all the rest of the behaviour is a joke. Why would you want him to go with you?

Yes, in the strictest sense of things I guess you are owed money but there is no way in hell you are going to get it now. IMO you should leave him alone, he obviously has a lot on his plate, stop hassling him & chalk it up to expeirence ie. next time take deposits / money in advance. I've been burned like this before, haven't lost friends but it has tarnished my view of them. Now I don't leave myself vulnerable unless we have a history of lending / subbing hassle free.

Try your best to find a replacement or absorb the cost.

I agree; the friendship is over. I can't imagine why any of you would want it to continue under the circumstances.

I didn't accuse him of anything it was all fact. I never called him names either.
What pisses me off is that he couldn't possibly come with us because of the drinking, but he will go out and get hammered with the first young wan who looks in his direction. He literally stalks girls a few years younger than him and throws himself at them. A few of them have actually confessed to other friends that they find his behaviour creepy.
I'm incredibly insulted that its ok to be "unhealthy" with other people and not us.

Daisy M

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I didn't accuse him of anything it was all fact. I never called him names either.
What pisses me off is that he couldn't possibly come with us because of the drinking, but he will go out and get hammered with the first young wan who looks in his direction. He literally stalks girls a few years younger than him and throws himself at them. A few of them have actually confessed to other friends that they find his behaviour creepy.
I'm incredibly insulted that its ok to be "unhealthy" with other people and not us.

Why would you ever have included him in your holiday plans if you had such doubts about his behaviour?
Behaviour on all sides sounds dramatic and immature. Either cancel the trip and spend the money doing something nice at home or absorb the cost between the 3 remaining people and have a good time.
Accept that you cant bully him onto paying and move on.

Ms. Pingui

Daisy M wrote: »

Why would you ever have included him in your holiday plans if you had such doubts about his behaviour?
Behaviour on all sides sounds dramatic and immature. Either cancel the trip and spend the money doing something nice at home or absorb the cost between the 3 remaining people and have a good time.
Accept that you cant bully him onto paying and move on.

I only asked him once to pay up and then left it be. I'm more hurt about his attitude then the trip tbh.