I need advice ASAP

cathy80

I have a problem I need advice with ASAP.
My husband's cousin has three children aged 8 from a previous relationship and a 3 and 4 year old from her current. I have witnessed a lot I don’t agree with in regards to the parenting skills in the house hold and am looking for other opinions and advice as to what I should do?

In short all children are lovely children and are so good whenever anyone is minding them. However both the mother and father describe the children as bold, mean and moody. I have noticed the 8 year old has changed from a cuddly child to a child that is very distant, when I asked the mother about this she said the child is going through puberty and that is why there are mood swings. The mother has always got excuses and answers to explain any issues people point out. It is clear the child does not like their step father as there is no interaction between the 2 except when there are others present and it is very forced. The 4 year old can not talk however the mother claims he is on a waiting list for speech therapy since age 2. I have a friend who is a pre school teacher and thinks this is rubbish as 6 months in the most he would have to wait. The 3 year old and 4 year old are being put in nappies even thought both are trained. The children are only aloud 1 bath a week and the mother has commented that the 8 year old smells due to puberty. The 3 and 4 year olds have not attended any preschool. My husband’s mother has witnessed the father hit the 3 year old hard enough to hurt an adult as he said the child tried to bite him (the child doesn’t bite and only tried to give him a hug). The 8 year olds father has been told to keep away however the child has been told he just stopped visiting. they are been bought clothes from family members left right and centre however the mother keeps pitting them in old clothes that are too small. the 4 year old got bad sunburn on his leg when the uncle was minding them he was worried as you would be and offered to take the child to the hospital but the mother insisted he not take him and they would treat it themselves when the children get home. This is only a small amount of things I find strange. What would you do if you saw this happening?

2xj3hplqgsbkym

I would ring the hse , express my concerns and then see if you should make a formal complaint.

cathy80

Dulce Sparse Tenderfoot wrote: »

I would ring the hse , express my concerns and then see if you should make a formal complaint.

i along with other members of the family have voiced our concerns with both parents the answer from the father is i dont deal with the kids she wont listen to me and the mother says they are my kids i will do what i want mind your business.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

I mean the HSE - health service executive, perhaps you misread because of my poor typing.

RubyGirl

I would agree with rosebush report it and get someone to call out to the house.
http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?con=177#q2

You wont forgive yourself if something happens.

DM addict

ISPCC run a support line for advice if you've concerns about a child - http://www.ispcc.ie/services/services-for-parents/support-line/415

It doesn't sound like a healthy or safe environment from what you're saying. I think if I were you I would call the HSE but the ISPCC can give you more advice and would know the right things to do.

cathy80

will do, going to ring the ISPCC tonight. thanks for all the advice.

Voltex

Well done OP. Theres lots of different parenting styles out there, but most parents would agree there's a well defined line in the sand between lean parenting and neglect/abuse. Its a pity there's not more people like you out there!!

ynul31f47k6b59

When I read posts like this I feel sick - I hope you rang the ISPCC and got some advice, it makes me sick to my stomach to think of little kids being mistreated like that. Usually I'd tell people who ask for advice relating to parenting methods to mind their own business but it doesn't sound like these children are being parented at all - I really hope they get helped. Fair play to you OP.

Love2love

Waiting list for speech therapy can be up to 3 years, depending on your location. I know this from my own son. My doctor put him on a list because he wasn't talking at all and 18 months later I got an appointment for 6 months time. Another thing, in this country there is no legal requirement for a child to attend school under the age of 6. I understand your concerns though, I actually know someone similar myself. These are all trivial things when counted alone and I can't see the HSE doing anything about it. About the dad hurting the child, you have to prove it and unless there is significant bruising to support your claim it will be dismissed.
I know this because my uncle had to report his own daughter to them for allowing her partner knock out her child's front teeth for getting a sum wrong. I understand it can be very frustrating, my cousin moved country after it and I've lost sleep thinking about what those kids are going through. In the end, all the HSE done was send someone out to help her clean and feed them as she just had an operation. We even tried to contact the social services in England but as there was never anything done here, they won't look into it over there

Chocolate fiend

The fact that the 3 and 4 year old don't go to preschool is not relevant, it's not illegal not to send them, lots of people don't go. The hitting is the thing I would be upset about, and that is what should be reported, however as you did not see it, it is only hearsay, so your mother needs to report it really.

There are huge waiting lists for speech therapy in some parts of the country.

Go with your instincts and speak to the relevant authorities. ISPCC or ring your local Health Board in confidence. http://www.hse.ie/portal/eng/services/list/4/ChildrenandFamilyServices/