Is having children over everyday too much?

LegacyUser

Would be interested in peoples views on this. My daughter is an only child. She's 9. We live in an urban rural community. I like the idea of having the house filled with children and my daughter having plenty of company as where we live has lots of space and because I teach in the area, I know all the kids. I also just love children and don't mind having them around at all. When I say having them over I would just mean one or two and although id feed them along with the rest of the family, I wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet or anything. I just think its nicer than watching my daughter amuse herself all day everyday. When I was talking about this with someone recently they said they thought having kids over everyday (weekdays) was 'a bit much' and 'over the top'. I don't see anything wrong with it to be honest. Obviously they would do their homework first etc. Does anyone else think its over the top? and if so, why? Also, how often do the rest of you think is appropriate? Just interested in what others think.

m'lady

Well first thing I'd ask you OP is if these 'play dates' are reciprocated?

cathy80

I think this is great if you dont mind the kids being there it is good for them to make friends and mix with others. i let my 3 have friends over all the time my next door neighbours think they have 2 homes at this stage but i love to see them making friends once homework is done they can play away.

Daisy M

If you are happy and your daughter is happy then I don't see the problem. My only concern would be, does your daughter feel the need to be "entertained" does she demand to have friends over or can she spend time alone happy in her own skin?

lazygal

I think the point on reciprocation is important. Your child also needs to know friendship isn't a one way street and that friends will have her over to play.

I think though, and I might be off the mark, that this is more about you wanting children around than what your child enjoys. Does the child want children around all the time? I think its as important to know how to 'be with yourself' as to get on with people in terms of social development. Children need to learn to entertain themselves, otherwise they come to expect a constant stream of activities.

misshoney

Thanks for your replies. Yes, they would be reciprocated. In our community it would be fairly normal and because our houses are spaced out and there are no estates etc, we have to make it happen ourselves. Maybe everyday is an exaggeration, lets say, most days. While I admit that I love having kids over all the time, its definitely more because my daughter is very sociable and loves interaction. The importance of time alone is a good point though and one ill be thinking about.

December2012

It is important that she learns to have fun by herself too.

Rosy Posy

I think it depends on the child. I know with my kids I need to manage it carefully or they can become overstimulated, tired and grouchy. We have 'quiet time' every day where they have time by themselves looking at books or playing quietly in their room. Obviously your daughter doesn't need this as much or gets it naturally when her friends are not around. For us with a larger family mealtimes and getting ready for the day/for bed are busy with lots of play and chat so my kids need designated time to be still. I presume when you say you're having kids around its for a few hours a day, not from after school until bedtime. Did the mother who commented have more than one child? I was an only child and its a very different experience to having a larger family. I think if it was too much for your daughter it would come out in her behaviour.

Moonbeam

I am an only child and it did get lonely a lot,I remember when I was 10/11 being allowed a friend stay over on a friday night and I looked forward to it all week.
I also love kids and hope as mine grow up that their friends will be in and out of the house constantly.

Oral Slang

As kids we lived in a rural location & were always in each others houses. We'd be outdoors a good bit & had a ball. As well as the kids that lived in the locality, we also had friends from school up for play dates quite a lot & we went to them too, so I really don't see a problem with it. As I got older & wanted to go to the local disco etc, it was great having people I could stay overnight with, instead of my parents always having to pick me up afterwards.

kiffer

A bit much? Over the top?
For whom? Your daughter, you or the person commenting? Maybe for them their children having a few others over is a chore (more noise more mess)? Or maybe they feel you're making them look bad?
If the children are happy and you're happy then what's the problem?

TheBody

Sounds to me like you live in a great community. Being sociable is an important lesson for your daughter to learn. She will need these skills in the future when she has to interact with adults; be that at college or in an interview.

LadyMayBelle

What does your daughter think of all this?

I think it's really important that she has time to herself and even with you 1:1. Im imagining she's on school 9-2.30 and then has friends over till the evening?

It would interesting to see what happended if you didnt have any one over for a week; does she get bored/struggle to entertain herself/enjoy the space? Or is it more you who finds it hard? I imagine you'd need a break too if you work in a school!

maryk123

To be honest I think it's what suits your own home. I have play days when it suits even though the kids love them everyday I find depending on the child they can be exhausting but I wouldn't let this put me off.

Whatever suits your own house and it sounds like a lovely community.

iguana

Your child is 9, when I was 9 I saw either my friends or my cousins everyday. I would have hated not to as I would have been really bored and that's with having 2 younger brothers. I had no problem whatsoever spending time alone, I averaged a book a day at that age but it I also loved playing games and having adventures with other children my age. As long as you and your daughter are happy with it I haven't a clue what problem there could possibly be with it.

ynul31f47k6b59

We're very rural here and while I wouldn't usually be mad on having children over during school term, I've no problem with them coming here or my son going to friends' homes during the summer. I definitely wouldn't be up for it every day of the week but that's just because I wouldn't be able for it while pregnant nor would I be able for the extra financial aspect of having several more mouths to feed every week.

If you're happy with it, your daughter is happy with it, and the other parents are happy with it and happy to reciprocate, then there's nothing wrong with it.

Would you consider getting together with the other parents and seeing if you could all book a hall or a play area or something during the holidays? It sounds like you genuinely like children a lot and would be really good at running a play group. I'm sure loads of parents would be delighted with not having to listen to "I'm bored" every twenty minutes.