Sister admitted taking money from me to my mum

annabel

Over the past six years money has gone missing on me while my sister has been in the house on each occasion how the Money went missing never added up . Just two days ago 50 euro went missing from my wallet I knew I hadn't lost it just like when the money for my sons crèche went missing . She told my mum two days ago she has a serious gambling problem and my mum confronted her about the 50 euros and she admitted it to her but has still said nothing to me. Do while I am awake at night sick about it she carries on at normal I can't even confront her . I know it's an illness but I and my husband are still potentially nearly 500 euro . Where to next ??

Kristopherus

Can you get your mother to persuade your sis to admit to you? Is there a eisk of a big falling out if you confront her. In any case she has to be confronted and establish if she really has a gambling issue. If there is, then a whole new set of circumstance arise. Is she open to counselling, etc.

Moved to Personal Issues.

magoko101

I would suggest approaching her... and pretty much saying what you have said here.
That you had noticed some money missing over time.... and that after figuring out the 50yoyo was taken by her and with the knowledge of her gambling problem... you suspect she has taken possibly more from you too.
Explain how this has hurt you... how you may want the money back (totally depends on you this one)... how you see the relationship with her being affected by it etc. Just be open and honest. Don't try and second guess her reaction etc... just be true to how you feel about it.
She has to respond then and this will let you know how she is going to handle things.
From experience.... ignore anything she says.... and really only react to what she does (ie a promise to pay you back the money is different to someone actually starting to give you a few euro a week/month)

Very sorry for you ..... money issues and gambling issues can ruin so many relationships and from my experience it often leaves the gambler feeling bitter, resentful and results in behavioural patterns no different to an alcoholic or other addict.

The_Conductor

The money is probably long gone.
She has been taking money from you for god only knows how long.
What do you hope to achieve by confronting her?
That she admitted it to your Mum is a good first step- but its only a first step.
First and foremost- you *need* to remove temptation from her- don't keep cash around, keep your wallet on you.
I'd start with getting a few brochures about Gambler's Anonymous, and quietly leaving them in her belongings- rather than confronting her upfront about her problem.
She has to accept she has a problem, and genuinely want to change- before she'll be in a place where she can genuinely accept your support, if you so choose to help her.

Her stealing from you is one issue, her gambling is a separate, but related, issue.

I'd suggest instead of coming down all heavy on her about the money (which most certainly is gone)- you're not going to achieve anything with this approach- use the gently gently approach- keep all temptation out of harm's way- have no cash around, gentle hints about Gambler's Anonymous- and perhaps after its begun to sink in- then take her to one side and tell her that you know she took your money, she has a problem, only she can solve her problem, you are willing to support her solving her problem- but your husband and your children are your first concern- and regardless of what hole she has dug for herself with her gambling, you are not in a position to help dig her out.

Above all else- keep your wallet/purse with you at all times- and if possible do your damndest to ensure you have no cash (most places accept credit cards anyway, so its probably not as big an issue as you'd imagine- but you also have to ensure your credit cards don't end up in her hands).