Strange one

LegacyUser

Hi
As the title suggests, I find this to be a very strange relationship 'glitch' but it's a problem nonetheless and I'd love some advice.
I'm with my boyfriend 5 years and we've lived together pretty much straight away (after about 4 months).
We've got on grand, have lots of similar interests. He's very quite as am I but I'd be a lot more outgoing than him socially. When we're alone, he's very loving and kind.
He doesn't like social occasions when he's not sure of people and he'll only go to my family occasions if I keep on at him. When he's there, he's fine, he'll chat away. He's by no means rude. he jsut wouldn't make the effort unless I nag him.
He makes a lot more of an effort with his own family, likes us to meet up with all his siblings and their partners every sunday at his parents house which I quite like. His family are lovely and his mother is a dote.
BUT, and there's always a but right? I find him very cold to me on these occasions. He never speaks to me unless he has to or if I speak to him first. He'll chat away to everyone else except me! So if I was really shy and didn't talk, I'd be pretty much left there to fend for myself which I was at the beginning of our relationship. But now, I join in with his sisters and mum and ignore him right back but I'm baffled as to why he can't be a bit affectionate to me in front of them. It took me a while to be this way so for the first few years, he'd pretty much leave me to my own devices but thankfully his family always made an effort.
His last serious girlfriend was a bit of a domineering type and walked all over him (according to his mum and a bit by him as he doesn't talk about her at all unless he really has to). So I'm wondering if he is trying to make out that he's not a walkover this time round or something silly like that.
I spoke to him about it today after yet another disaster occasion and he just said he wasn't aware he was being this way but I've told him loads of times he was being like this.
Any advice?
thanks in advance.

Lorna123

Nobody feels as comfortable with inlaws as they do with their own family and men are notorious for not wanting to mix with inlaws so there is nothing unusual about that. He is just so relaxed when he is with people he knows, i.e. his own family, that he forgets about you. He is probably also conscious that his family are watching how the relationship is going and he feels a bit self conscious so he is giving them nothing to go on.

kylith

It sounds to me like he's sulking. He's polite and chats to your family because he knows that it wouldn't do to be seen as rude, but he gives you the cold shoulder so that you know he's not happy about you 'making' him go, as he sees it.

I would recommend speaking to him about it and explaining how his actions make you feel. Perhaps you can come to some kind of compromise about his attendance at family events.

sunflower27 wrote: »

Too many times we are afraid to speak about what is upsetting o rbothering us, but until you do, nothing will change and this is likely to create a wedge that only gets bigger, creates resentment and could destroy your relationship.

Good luck to you.

^This.

corklad12

Well maybe the guy might not feel comfortable at your family events and the face that you keep on nagging at him to talk to people might annoy him because he might just be a bit shy and doesn't like talking to new people a lot. The guy might also feel that they are your in-laws and you know them better than him so you should do most of the taking.
When he is with his own family he might like a have a catch up with them on Sunday because he mightn't talk to them much during the week so he might talk to you as much because he might spend a lot of time with you during the week that he would have spent with his family if he hadn't meet you.
As for not being affectionate he might feel it's not appropriate around his mother.

kiffer

No PDAs in front of mother.
No PDA in front of siblings incase of teasing.