has anyone else ever been cheated on for a whole relationship?

lolabearxx

my (now) ex has been cheating on me for the last nine months for our whole relationship, with one girl from home (his best friend) and one girl from the college we go to. i found out via his facebook-he had forgotten he gave me his password and i found solid proof of the cheating. He obviously never even so much as cared. he was also writing explicit emails to both the girls he phsyically cheated with and also many other girls. something stopped me from loving him so i am not DEVASTATED as such (im more angry) but i am sickened that i spent so much time on him when he didnt care back. the girl he cheated on me with from home told me that he told her he could never love me because of what his ex did to him and blamed his cheating problems on her (but he never even gave himself a chance to fall for me as his attention wasnt all on me like it should have been from day one) how do i get over this and move on? i am filled with so much regret right now! and feeling like i'll never get over the whole situation. cannot believe i didnt find out sooner there were NO signs- he brought me on holidays for my birthday, pay for meals when we were out, bring me places etc

Oryx

Understand that this is not your fault, and its not your fault for not seeing it sooner. The guy is a serial cheater, and is clearly good at compartmentalising his life. Thank your lucky stars you got out now, before it got any more complicated.

Dont let it put you off relationships. A guy that dysfuntional is the exception not the rule.

Outkast_IRE

Your better off rid of that guy, somebody who can lie and cheat so easily to those around him isn't worth wasting your time on.

In my experience people who can lie and cheat so easily usually have far deeper issues and psychological problems that they are excellent at covering up.

Know that there are honest people out there, plenty of them but there is always a few bad nuts in a bunch and this guy is one of them.

Move on with your life, enjoy the summer and best of luck with everything.

username123

Be glad you found this out before walking down the aisle with a man like this and having children with him.

He clearly has serious mental health issues to behave this way, he needs help to resolve whatever it is in him to objectify and treat women so badly.

I know you feel bad about it right now, but you dodged a serious bullet here.

Lucyfur

Moved from tLL

judgefudge

It's one of those things you just have to accept as it is. He's obviously selfish and has no respect for you. I had a past relationship where I found out he was cheating on me all along. For a long time I took it personally, like I must be worthless for him to treat me like that etc. I've finally realised (through counselling) that some people just do what they want. Just because someone treats you badly does not mean that you are bad, or deserve to be treated like that.

For what it's worth I've dated a couple of guys since who have been totally different good guys. And I've never used the fact that I've been cheated on as an excuse to treat anyone else badly.

OkayWhatever

This happened to me. My ex cheated on me with about 8 or 9 other people! I was so humiliated when I found out, everybody else knew but me, it was absolutely horrible.

I blamed myself at the start, of course. I accused myself of not being good enough, not pretty enough and other stuff that wasn't true because it was never my fault, and it's not your fault either.

I ended it and I have never spoken to him since and never looked back as I was running away as fast as I could. I had a laugh when he added me on Facebook a while back, seriously like?!

I'm in a different relationship now, for the past 3 years. At the start it was tough. My insecurity and trust issues posed a serious threat to our relationship, but we made it through. Don't give up if this happens to you, you could miss out on something amazing. I don't want you to feel like every man is going to treat you like the way you have been treated. I get treated like a princess, and you find yourself trusting a partner again, in a way you never thought that you could.

Nobody deserves what happened to you. Just keep walking, look forward and don't let the past have an impact on your future. Don't let it strike fear into you, make you more hesitant than you should be or dent your confidence. Amazing things could pass you by if you're looking back on what happened. You can't change it now, just let it make you a stronger person.

I'm so happy that I never let it bring me down, I genuinely hope that you don't let it bring you down either and epic things come your way!

Emme

lolabearxx wrote: »

cannot believe i didnt find out sooner there were NO signs- he brought me on holidays for my birthday, pay for meals when we were out, bring me places etc

At least he did that much. Be thankful for it. Move on and try to forget the bad bits.

I am probably older than you and from my experience most men cheat in one form or another. If you didn't find out about his cheating he would probably have continued to treat you well.

I don't condone cheating, but you would be amazed at the number of women who put up with it in relationships because they don't want to be alone or their partner is good to them in other ways.

Sexual fidelity means more to some people than others and clearly it doesn't mean much to your ex. He will probably find a girl who is willing to compromise on fidelity and values other things in the relationship.

Not all guys are like your ex, and hopefully you will soon find a loyal faithful guy who has the same values and priorities as you.

dizzymac

Emme wrote: »

I am probably older than you and from my experience most men cheat in one form or another. If you didn't find out about his cheating he would probably have continued to treat you well.

Just looking for some clarification on the bolded part of the quote please?

Emme

dizzymac wrote: »

Just looking for some clarification on the bolded part of the quote please?

Most women have been hit on by married or attached men.

How many of us have been cheated on or dated a guy to find out that he is already attached?

Perhaps it is different for men under 30, but most men over 30 on dating sites seem to be in relationships or unwilling to commit to dating one woman exclusively. Being unwilling to commit to dating one woman exclusively isn't cheating per se, but it shows an unwillingness to be monogamous.

Once you go past a certain age most guys a woman meets who appear to be single are likely to be attached. If the OP is in her 20s she has a good chance of meeting a good faithful guy but once you hit 30 it gets much harder to find a guy willing to commit.

Sorry if all the above is unpalatable but the truth isn't always pleasant.

That doesn't say there aren't faithful monogamous guys out there but they are hard to find and the older you get the harder it is to find them.

username123

Emme wrote: »

Most women have been hit on by married or attached men.

How many of us have been cheated on or dated a guy to find out that he is already attached?

Perhaps it is different for men under 30, but most men over 30 on dating sites seem to be in relationships or unwilling to commit to dating one woman exclusively. Being unwilling to commit to dating one woman exclusively isn't cheating per se, but it shows an unwillingness to be monogamous.

Once you go past a certain age most guys a woman meets who appear to be single are likely to be attached. If the OP is in her 20s she has a good chance of meeting a good faithful guy but once you hit 30 it gets much harder to find a guy willing to commit.

Sorry if all the above is unpalatable but the truth isn't always pleasant.

That doesn't say there aren't faithful monogamous guys out there but they are hard to find and the older you get the harder it is to find them.

Its unfortunate that your own experiences have coloured your view of men so negatively.

I have found the opposite tbh, I have very rarely been hit on by someone attached, hardly anyone I know has been cheated on (and definitely not in a serious relationship) and of all of my male friends, I honestly dont know one who has ever cheated on someone.

Certainly there are some men who will cheat, just as there are some women who will cheat, but that does not mean that most men cheat - and to suggest that this is so is simply nonsense.

I know many women past 30 who have developed relationships with faithful monogamous men. The pool may be smaller but there are always people of all ages looking for love. I have one friend in his 70s who developed a relationship with a nice lady after his wife passed on.

Emme

username123 wrote: »

I have one friend in his 70s who developed a relationship with a nice lady after his wife passed on.

Good for him and I'd say he had no trouble finding women to date him - women vastly outnumber men at that age.

In most cases, widowed women don't form relationships again while widowed men tend to move on fairly quickly, often shocking their children and late wife's family into the process.

Degringola

^^^

The old saying
Women grieve
Men replace

has some truth to it (in my experience anyway.)

Czarcasm

lolabearxx wrote: »

how do i get over this and move on?

OP there's nothing you can actually do now that's going to change the past. The only thing really you can do is chalk it down to experience and move on. You're still only young yet and you have plenty of time and a full college course ahead of you to concentrate on to occupy your mind.

Don't let this one bad experience color your judgement of all guys, this was only ONE guy, and no doubt between now and the time you graduate you'll have met plenty more. Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of judging them all off the basis of one bad experience with one guy, and don't let that anger consume you.

Try and let it go and get on with your life and realise that you have bigger priorities than giving any more of your time and energy to thinking about this one bad experience. You couldn't have done anything differently and the outcome would still have been the same.