Friend puts doubts in my head

scarymoon1

My best friend always seems to put doubts in my head when it comes to guys. The last guy I had a thing with she said he wasn't good enough for me. I've met another guy and now she said she thinks I shouldn't get with him as I met him in a sport club and she said the others in the club might not like it!! I really don't get why she says these things. I know she's probably only looking our for me but it annoys me a bit. Does anyone think she's right in what she's saying ?

Esoteric_

Why are you going along with her opinions?

Just tell her it's none of her business who you like/date and to keep her nose out.

December2012

Look at your friends life choices. Has she made decisions you would agree with? Is she in the kind of relationship you want, and genuinely happy?

What I'm getting at is - why are you taking her advice instead of your own?

It's what you think that matters - so why do you put her first?

scarymoon1

No as far as I see my friend does not make good relationship choices. She is not happy unless she is in a relationship whereas I am. I just don't understand why she gives me that advice and I don't ask for it. My sister said this friend just wants me single so it's convenient for her but I don't think she'd be like that. Regarding the new guy she told me not to kiss him, take things slow etc which I am and then today she said that maybe I shouldn't see him at all!!! Frustrating!

December2012

Then stop doubting yourself.

You could try and figure out for years "why" she's doing it, but you probably won't.

However you do know that she is doing it, so don't let her into your head.

scarymoon1

December2012 wrote: »

Then stop doubting yourself.

You could try and figure out for years "why" she's doing it, but you probably won't.

However you do know that she is doing it, so don't let her into your head.

.

Yes I know she's doing it but I don't understand why my best friend would do that

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe because she's your best friend and doesn't want to 'lose' you.

My best friend has at times reacted badly to good news I told her about myself, all because she worried at the time how it would affect her. Eg, when I got a job after college that meant I'd have to move to Dublin, she was pissed off at me, because she wouldn't see me as often! We're older now, and it's been a long time since she reacted negatively to something good... We're at the stage now where she can laugh at how childish she was.

The_Conductor

She genuinely doesn't seem to want you to be in a relationship.
So what- you met the guy in a sports club- it shows you have common interests, at very least- which is something fundamental that you'd need in any relationship.

Your friend would appear to have ulterior motives, and not have your best interests at heart.

KKkitty

Have to agree with The_Conductor OP. I don't understand why your friend is doing this but it does appear she is jealous of you somewhat when a new man is on the scene. When you have a man she must be afraid you won't have the same time for her and plants these seeds of doubt in your head. Don't pay any attention to her and do what you feel is right for you.

scarymoon1

I don't see why she could be jealous as she has a boyfriend. I just don't get it. But to say she thinks I shouldn't see him at all is just strange! I think il not heed her advice this time

The_Conductor

scarymoon1 wrote: »

I don't see why she could be jealous as she has a boyfriend. I just don't get it. But to say she thinks I shouldn't see him at all is just strange! I think il not heed her advice this time

Shes not jealous of the guy- she is jealous of her time with you- and this guy will doubtless mean you have less time for her (and not be at her immediate beck and call).

Surely the fact that she has made similar comments with a string of other guys, would have some sort of alarm bell ringing in your head?

scarymoon1

The_Conductor wrote: »

Shes not jealous of the guy- she is jealous of her time with you- and this guy will doubtless mean you have less time for her (and not be at her immediate beck and call).

Surely the fact that she has made similar comments with a string of other guys, would have some sort of alarm bell ringing in your head?

Yes it did ring alarm bells before but I told myself that she would only have my best interests at heart. Maybe I was wrong!

mud

You need to keep your relationship on your terms OP You are the one seeing this man so you should be the one to decide where it's going.

I used to have a friend who was always making sly remarks about my choices in men/clothes/hairstyles etc. I thought she was looking out for me but actually she just wanted to control me so I drifted from her and we're not close now although we are still friendly when we meet. I am absolutely happier without that stuff in my life.

On the one hand she may genuinely have your best interests at heart or on the other she just doesn't want you to change or have your own separate life as this would impact on her perception of the status quo.

Have a think on it OP xx