Past actions, future concerns...

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

Hoping to get some advice on something thats been bothering me.
Also hoping what I need is a big dose of cop on!!

Basically, mid - twenties girl with my boyfriend over a year now and been living together the past 6 months.
All has been going great so far, both very serious about eachother and want the same things for the future (marriage, kids, the usual).

The issue stems from when we met eachother we got serious very fast. I suppose this was mainly driven by him just saying how he's never met anyone like me, so glad to have met me, etc.
He also told me he loved me after about a month. Obviously, I was delighted with this as I felt the same but would probably be more reserved about revealing my feelings so soon.

Aaanyway, heres what happened. A couple of weeks after the I Love You and all that....I logged on to facebook (yes, the dreaded bloody fb) and it was his page coz he had stayed logged in. And yes I very wrongly overstepped serious boundaries by looking at his messages.

Now I feel it's important to clarify why I did this although I understand it is not an excuse and I had no right to. I'd be disgusted if he did it.
I'm a horribly noisy person at times. Seriously it can be that petty. And (more significantly here) I think being in such a new relationahip that seemed to be moving quite fast, i was, i dunno maybe a bit curious...

Anyway, what I saw was messages he was writing to this girl who he was seeing before he met me. Which I knew about coz he told me he was seeing someone casually and that he was now ending that as he had met me. In the messages he said something along the lines of "do you remember what I said last night?" and it transpired that he told her he loved her. Rest of the messages were all lovey dovey, i miss u bla bla. Now, before you think I'm an awful person for reading these I KNOW THIS. It was none of my business.

But...I knew he was only seeing this girl like a month before he met me and after we got together he had told me about her saying she loved him on a night out once which really freaked him out, etc. He also said that he could never envision himself actually in a relationship with this person as he wasnt that serious about her, just havin fun etc.

My issue is that I was (and kinda now) am concerned about someone who can throw around statements like i love you to two people in the space of like 2 months. I questioned how genuine he was with me. Now I should say that there was no more msgs between them from literally the date he met me as he said he had txted her to say he didnt want to see her anymore (charming, i know )

I didnt say anything to him at the time coz how could i really? Without revealing I had looked at his msgs. I forgot about it then tbh because everything was going so well with us. But for some reason I remembed this recently I think it's coz wer moving out next month and wont be living together for a while as I have to move to a different part of the country for a 6 month placement and maybe i'm feeling insecure about that or something. And for some reason I'm remembering this again and feeling uneasy about it. I'm hoping I need to just get over it because the most important thing here is in the past year that we've been together he has never given me reason to doubt his feelings/commitment/fidelty to me. Ever. He's very casual with his phone, leaves it lying around all the time, never seems secretive or guarded about stuff like that, we know eachothers fb passwords.

I think I just wish he had never said those things to that girl coz maybe I feel it lessens him saying it to me so soon. That probably sounds ridiculous? Maybe i'm just insecure and should seriosuly get over this or would anyone else feel weird about this?

Sorry for rambling on a bit but would love some opinions please!! x

heretochat

Not sure what the issue is here, apart from what I can only see as a transparent insecurity on your behalf.

You say he has done nothing to make you doubt him in any way and that he is open with phone, dreaded Facebook etc.

Seems like a strong relationship to me but as I said in previous threads I am not the authority on such things..

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for your response. Ya ur prob right just being insecure maybe coz feelin a bit vulnerable at the mo.

Just almost made me see him in a different light or something when I read the msgs. Suppose thats what u get for being nosy.

Lorna123

Why would you want to worry about something that happened over a year ago ? You have been with him for a year and had no problems. Does that not count for anything?