offered a job away from my fiance - help!

forgetmenots

My fiance and I live in a town where I find it impossible to get work in the area I'm qualified in, so I'd more or less given up on my career. I have been quite sad about it, but at the end of the day I'm in my early 30's and we were planning a baby soon enough anyway. Things have been a struggle financially but we get by ok. One day a few weeks ago I randomly applied for a job that I didn't think I had a chance of getting, just to see if my old qualifications still had a bit of life left in them...then I got the interview and now the job! It's not something that would leave me better off financially, because I'd have to rent a room in Dublin and the wages are very low...but its an area I'm interested in, and which I studied. My fiance is supportive and says I should go if I think it will make me happy, because he recognises the sacrifices I made for my career moving in with him and because he probably fears that I might resent my life/him down the road. We could make it work for maybe a year, seeing eachother at weekends, but its not ideal, especially because it would put a halt to our baby and marriage plans. This job doesn't leave me in any better position to get a job where our home is, because there are simply no such jobs available in that part of the country. So in a way, in a year, I'll be in the same boat. On the plus side its something I used to be really passionate about. I'm torn, and I only have a day to decide!! Any thoughts??

djimi

Could you rent out your current property and rent somewhere in Dublin closer to the job?

animum

Congratulations on getting the job.

Personally I would take it. At least try it for a year or so, if you are not happy, at least you can never resent anyone for anything, because you tried and learned it was not for you, at this stage in your life.

forgetmenots

We rent a place at the moment, but my fiance can't move with me to Dublin so I'd have to rent a room in a shared house...he'd stay here.

December2012

Why can't he move?

animum

Can ye see eachother at the weekends?

forgetmenots

yea, we can see eachother at weekends. he cant move because of his job, it took him AGES to find this one, plus he has responsibilities because he has to help out his parents

username123

What would be the point of only doing it for a year?
Could you spend that year re-training to find work near where you and your fiance live?

Personally as far as I am concerned we work to get paid to have the kind of life we want. Not so we can rent rooms in shared accommodation away from the people we love. Unless there is a serious salary making it worth it - Im failing to see the advantage?

banbhaaifric

Go for it. I think when we look back on our lives we mostly regret the things we haven't done rather than those we have. You have landed a job! And you thought that things maybe were over for you career wise. It is such a positive thing to happen for you, and even though it may not be such a boost up the career ladder, an extra year of experience in something you said you were once passionate about is a fantastic thing.

And I know it is hard to think of being separate from your fiancé, but it is most certainly possible. I met my husband 8 years ago when I was working on a job over in London for the weekend, and while we still spend a lot if our time apart we managed to get married last year and have a baby due in September. And we are happy (which is the most important thing of all!)

Go for it. And remember that if it doesn't work out you can always change your mind.

woodchuck

forgetmenots wrote: »

yea, we can see eachother at weekends. he cant move because of his job, it took him AGES to find this one

Would it be possible for him to get work in Dublin? My suggestion would be to accept the job and have him start looking for a new job nearer to Dublin. If there are no jobs in your current location, it makes sense to move to where the jobs are. And there is a lot to be said for it being easier to find a job when you're in a job, so hopefully he won't have as much trouble finding a new job this time around.

forgetmenots wrote: »

plus he has responsibilities because he has to help out his parents

This is going to sound harsh... but this really shouldn't factor into it. You both need to live your own lives, not mould your lives around his parents needs. You haven't gone into detail about why he needs to help them out... but surely he could go down at the weekend when necessary. If he's working full time atm anyway, it doesn't sound like they'll be that badly off without him close by.

fits

woodchuck wrote: »

This is going to sound harsh... but this really shouldn't factor into it. You both need to live your own lives, not mould your lives around his parents needs.

You are right.. it does sound harsh.

OP, Its a difficult decision but I would be tempted to take it and see where it leads.

Bigdeadlydave

I'd say your fiancé is bricking it about this, I know I would be if someone I was about to marry and have a child with decided seemingly out of the blue to move to Dublin and only see me on weekends, and to shelve our marriage plans for a job which contributes nothing financially and has no long term benefits because you say it will only be for a year - would look like you were scared of getting married and having doubts

I wouldn't take the job because it cold have a very bad effect on your relationship

ahnow

It sounds like a great idea OP, maybe you and your other half could reconsider living a bit closer to Dublin because at the moment everything is leaning a bit more to his side, he has a job and is getting out there every day, you live where you live for his job and because his parents live nearby. What about you? It might be okay for now but you are a young woman, a compromise between the both of you that's a bit more fair to you could help in the long run.

JoePie

I'm currently in this exact situation. The missus had to move from Dublin to Cashel for an apprenticeship she just could not get in Dublin. She's back every weekend and holidays and such. been going on like this for the better part of 18 months and I'd say for at least another year.

So far, it hasn't been an issue. We're still talking every day, I see her most of the weekend, and if we have plans with friends, it's not a big deal.

I'd say go for it. Granted, your situation would be considered a more long-term than mine, but it could put you on the right path to getting a similar position closer to home once you have a bit of experience under your belt.

iusedtoknow

I also think you should go for it - a lot can change in a year

- you could hate the job
- you partners situation could change
- you could find a third way!

You won't know if you don't try it. Even though we lived in the same apartment, I only saw my gf every 4 or 5 days and some holidays due to the fact she was working all the hours in the world as a junior doctor (days/nights and sometimes both) and I was working a steady day shift.

I doubt your fiance is bricking it, if anything he'll be happy that you have found something you want to do.

corklad12

woodchuck wrote: »

Would it be possible for him to get work in Dublin? My suggestion would be to accept the job and have him start looking for a new job nearer to Dublin. If there are no jobs in your current location, it makes sense to move to where the jobs are. And there is a lot to be said for it being easier to find a job when you're in a job, so hopefully he won't have as much trouble finding a new job this time around.



This is going to sound harsh... but this really shouldn't factor into it. You both need to live your own lives, not mould your lives around his parents needs. You haven't gone into detail about why he needs to help them out... but surely he could go down at the weekend when necessary. If he's working full time atm anyway, it doesn't sound like they'll be that badly off without him close by.

OP I think you should take the job and your boyfriend should stay in his. You should see how it works out for about a year or so and at least it will be experience for you which could allow to get a job nearer home.

The OP's partner may have to look after his parents and it may not be possible for him to move away. I am aware of a lot of people who work full 40 hour weeks and they still have time to call to there parents every day who may need help with cooking/looking after themselves. I am also aware of plenty of farmers sons who have to work on the family farm before and after there days work because it is the done thing. and popping down at weekends would not be on option in these cases.

simonsays1

I say Go For It!!