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Confused and a little hurt

  • 18-07-2013 5:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone,

    I'm married for near two years now. Contraceptive pills/patches don't agree with me and we agreed a year ago to stick to just condoms as we were both happy enough that if I got pregnant that would be fine.

    This month I'm late so I got a pregnancy test. Nervous I took it and it was negative (I'm happy enough). I still had to wait to take the test in the morning and will probab continue to take them until my period comes. I was fine this morning.

    My husband turned around after the test last night and said he was really happy/relieved that the test was clear and he wasn't ready for children and that he didn't know if he'd ever be the one to suggest that now was a good time. He did go on to say he has always wated kids he just was so relieved that I wasn't pregnant now.

    I'm really quite hurt by it all. We always planned on kids, we did have that conversation before we got married. We both decided that I was better off the pill and that we would be happy if I got pregnant.

    Im left really stressed about it, I still haven't had my period and there's no guarantee I'm not pregnant off the back of one test and I don't feel I can share with him because he was so stressed/relieved after the last test. I don't know what to do


Comments

  • #2
    Diziet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 831 ✭✭✭Diziet


    I was like your husband (and I am female!). Hubby was very keen on kids, I was kinda 'well if it happens it is not the end of the world' and was quite upset when I got pregnant. I had much the same reaction as your husband.

    We have two wonderful daughters, I love them to bits and would not change them for the world. If i was to actively made the decision, I would be still without kids.

    What I am trying to say is that different people react differently. Having kids seems like a huge step (it did to me) but once they arrive it's a different story. If your relationship is good and close then you are ok.


  • #3
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    I would interpret your husband's relief as an indication of a responsible mindset. Someone with reservations about having kids is someone who recognises the responsibility it entails. That's a good thing, not something to worry about or be hurt by.


  • #4
    December2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    The actual decision to go ahead and have a baby is actually very scary. Even when you want kids.

    In a way, it's much easier when the decision is made for you.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would echo blatantrereg's post above, and take it as a sign of someone who really wants to be careful understands the responsibility involved.

    I can understand how it would hurt though. When you in the back of our mind or psyche might be longing for a child, but your partner is hesitant. I don't know how to advise you for definite.


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