long term relationship advice

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm having some relationship issues at the moment and wanted an impartial perspective on it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and are in our late twenties. The past 6-12 months have been increasingly difficult for a number of reasons-he's doing a course so I am essentially the sole earner in the house and was working in a role I was very unhappy in, he ended up getting some part time hours in the company I work in so we were working together as well as living together. I have been stressed about work and have lined up a new job. He is very stressed about money-he hates that I pay almost all bills and that he can't contribute much. He is currently writing a thesis and the second year of the course, which was due to start in a few weeks, is now in doubt so he is worried about that. We both had some health issues and minor operations over the past year and our sex life has really dwindled. I'm finding it really hard at the moment to communicate with him over problems, his way of dealing with issues is to withdraw and spend a few days mostly on his own, my way would be to talk about a situation and thrash out all possibilities. This has never posed a problem as such before, but we've never both been so stressed at the same time either. He is snappy and moody at the moment and I'm finding it hard to stay calm and accept that it's just him being frustrated over the big issues, so I'm getting snappy back and we're having countless stupid bickering arguments.

I just feel a bit lost at the moment. I don't have any friends I feel I can talk to about this, and I'm never comfortable talking about this stuff to my family. I love him and I don't want to give this up but I'm so tired of bickering and stress, I feel like we never have any fun anymore. Is this just one of those things that happen in a relationship where you're in it for the long haul, you have phases where it's all a bit crap? How do you improve things? I'm really upset at the whole situation, I feel really lonely.

December2012

Have you talked to him about it?

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Have you talked to him about it?

I've tried. He's very withdrawn at the moment about all the things that are stressing him out and it's very difficult to get a conversation going about it, or anything else for that matter. Like I say that's just his way, normally I'm happy enough to give him space and let him chat when he's ready, but this time it's bothering me and I want to talk about it but we end up rowing. Then I'm conscious that he's working really hard on his thesis etc at the moment and I'm not being very supportive by adding more stress. It's never felt this way between us before

December2012

Would you go and talk to a relationship counsellor?

anamara86

Sorry to hear your having such a hard time at the moment - chances are your boyfriend is feeling the exact same way as you at the moment - maybe if the two of you got out of the house for a night or two and try and bash out how you feel - the change of scenery might help!