Boyfriend going traveling alone

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years. I've been asking him most of this year to go on a holiday during the summer with me or do some traveling. Each time, he sort of brushed it off with maybe type answers.. Basically, a few weeks ago he told me that he is going away for the bones of a month traveling by himself...

Now, he did mention to me when we first met that this trip is something he wants to do at some stage as it involves modes of transport that is just for one person.. but I simply can't get over it and just be happy for him because I feel so rejected that he chose to do that over something with me.. I'm aware how ridiculous I must sound, I really am but I just feel so hurt over it as I really thought he'd want to go away with me.

I have spoken to him about it and he said it's not that he chose it over me, it's just something he wants to do and since I haven't been working he thought I wouldn't have the money to go anywhere. But my thought was, if he had given me a straight yes in the beginning, when i first asked him (nearly a year ago) I could have been saving up.

I'm very happy with him and want to be happy with him and for him as I know it's something he has always wanted to do but I just can't be as i'm really hurt.

Am I right to feel like this or am I being totally ridiculous?

December2012

I think you're being unfair on him. He has always said he wanted to do this trip, he did not commit to going travelling away with you.

I think you should be supportive of him fulfilling an ambition.

ibarelycare

I can understand you feeling hurt, I'd be a bit upset too. But you have to understand that this is something that he's wanted to do for years. You said that he should have told you a year ago so you could save up...but he probably specifically wants to do it on his own. People's dreams/ambitions don't necessarily change when they start a relationship. Try and arrange a holiday away with some friends instead, and then later in the year you and your bf could go on a weekend away together.

Legs.Eleven

Hi OP,


I can relate to your boyfriend. I am in a relationship almost 2 and a half years but I do many things on my own, travelling included. In our first year together, I went travelling around Italy on my own for 3 weeks. Tbh, I didn't even ask him if he wanted to come because it was something I wanted to do MY way because there were places I specifically wanted to see and visit in my own time without compromising with someone else. I know there's things he wouldn't have wanted to do and vice versa and I simply believed that for this particular trip, I'd have a better time (turns out he couldn't come in the end anyway). As selfish as it sounds, the fact that we both do our own thing ensures that we don't depend on each other too much like some couples and we have things to talk about outside the life we share together. I need my time alone. It's very important to me and perhaps your boyfriend feels the same. Although you're in a relationship, you're still individuals who had separate lives before you met.

Some people love travelling alone and I'm one of them and it sounds as if your boyfriend is too. I recently went to Bilbao in the North of Spain for 5 days on my own and when a friend asked if she could tag along, I told her that I'd prefer if she didn't as I wanted to go alone and do the things I wanted in my time without compromise. I like to explore places on my own, have time to think and basically have an adventure my own way.

That might not be how you are but you have to respect that you're boyfriend is not you and his interests will differ (and I mean that in the nicest possible way). I understand why you're upset but I don't think you should take it personally.

You'll have plenty of time to go on other holidays together in the future but give him his own space this one time. You can love someone but still enjoy your own company.