Over a year later and I still think of her

LegacyUser

Basically my ex broke up with me over a year ago and I still find myself thinking of her a lot. It's very frustrating as there's not a hope we will ever get back together - we're not even on anything remotely close to speaking terms, so I've no idea why I am consumed by thinking of her some days. I'm a young guy (23) and she was the only girlfriend I've ever had. I find that the worst days for it are the ones after I've had a night out and not even talked to a girl in the club/bar. I find myself moping around thinking that I'm never going to get another girl like her and it's leading me to lose a lot of confidence in myself and feel quite down. Does anyone have suggestions as to how to overcome these kinda thoughts? The fact i'm thinking of her over a year after the break up seems quite pathetic to me, I'm sure most people move on within 6 months or so

[Jackass]

To be honest with you man, this is perfectly normal.

When I was your age, and over the next few years, I had some relationships that ended and would always catch myself longing for them long after they were gone, ESPECIALLY in the exact situation you described, with having a hangover and the depressive post drinking feelings that nights out can cause (drink is a depressant after all), but what I learned over the years is what you really miss is the feeling you have with that person.

You might think about quirks of hers you miss or things you really liked about her and will you find a girl like that again. The answer is yes, in fact when it does happen, you immediately get immersed in the new relationship and find things you much prefer and soon forget about the old girl, or even remember things that went wrong in that relationship that dont in your current one.

The thing is, people dont find a serious relationship or someone they want a serious relationship every single year or jump from relationship to relationship (some people do, but you'll find they tend to be quite shallow) and my advice to you would be to relax, even get comfortable with missing the ex, and try to realise it's a lot more about lonelyness and missing being with someone you really like, and dont forget how much time is on your side and stop worrying about finding someone or chatting up girls.....everyone will tell you that when you're single it's like nobody will look at you, but when you're in a relationship, it seems girls throw themselves at you...the reason is if you try to hard and put pressure on yourself, girls can smell that, they know you're after a hook up and it doesn't happen.

But when you're chill and just think fu*k it, you're just out to have the craic, you'll find you'll interact with girls in a much more natural sense, not approaching them and trying to chat them up, but just happening to be beside them and a conversation coming up naturally.

Trust me man, you're going to be fine, and everything is perfectly normal. My advice to you is to just enjoy your youth, party, have fun and dont crave or search for something that isn;t there. It's the old saying, but when you're not looking for it, it will find you.

In the mean time, hang out with the lads and have fun....you'll miss that freedom when it's gone and you're with the next girl. :pac:

LegacyUser

[Jackass] wrote: »

To be honest with you man, this is perfectly normal.

When I was your age, and over the next few years, I had some relationships that ended and would always catch myself longing for them long after they were gone, ESPECIALLY in the exact situation you described, with having a hangover and the depressive post drinking feelings that nights out can cause (drink is a depressant after all), but what I learned over the years is what you really miss is the feeling you have with that person.

You might think about quirks of hers you miss or things you really liked about her and will you find a girl like that again. The answer is yes, in fact when it does happen, you immediately get immersed in the new relationship and find things you much prefer and soon forget about the old girl, or even remember things that went wrong in that relationship that dont in your current one.

The thing is, people dont find a serious relationship or someone they want a serious relationship every single year or jump from relationship to relationship (some people do, but you'll find they tend to be quite shallow) and my advice to you would be to relax, even get comfortable with missing the ex, and try to realise it's a lot more about lonelyness and missing being with someone you really like, and dont forget how much time is on your side and stop worrying about finding someone or chatting up girls.....everyone will tell you that when you're single it's like nobody will look at you, but when you're in a relationship, it seems girls throw themselves at you...the reason is if you try to hard and put pressure on yourself, girls can smell that, they know you're after a hook up and it doesn't happen.

But when you're chill and just think fu*k it, you're just out to have the craic, you'll find you'll interact with girls in a much more natural sense, not approaching them and trying to chat them up, but just happening to be beside them and a conversation coming up naturally.

Trust me man, you're going to be fine, and everything is perfectly normal. My advice to you is to just enjoy your youth, party, have fun and dont crave or search for something that isn;t there. It's the old saying, but when you're not looking for it, it will find you.

In the mean time, hang out with the lads and have fun....you'll miss that freedom when it's gone and you're with the next girl. :pac:

I couldn't agree with your post more, Jackass!!

It's so true when you say that men who are attached are so much easier to chat to and get along with in general - I have never really realised it but it's definitely true! In the office I work in there is mostly single guys and there is always simmering innuendo/banter and kind of flirting etc but with the few lads who are married or going out with someone you can actually have a proper chat with them. Or maybe its the old saying that "all the good ones are taken" ......

To the OP: you sound like a decent guy - most lads are accused of moving on too quickly after a break up etc - what you are going through is completely normal. And we all have those awful depressing hangover days where everything seems 100% awful and people/things just seem to haunt you. I'm sure you will meet a lovely girl soon who will take your mind completely off your ex.....and anyways you are still so young so enjoy your freedom!!

tomtomhardy

Hi OP I agree with the other comments, it is completely normal to feel this way even after a year the fact is everyone is different and every relationship is different. I wouldn't beat myself about it and as the other guys say you will definitely meet someone else and you will hardly ever think of the ex when you do

Lorna123

You need to concentrate on the present and the future and leave the past behind. Stop looking back. Breakups are the hardest things to get over especially when you are the victim. One year is not all that long and you have to go through all of these emotions before you come out the other side. There is no easy route. You are getting there. Find things to do that interest you, hobbies etc. that will take your mind off your ex. Do something that you never did while you were with her. Get a new way of life, do things differently because doing the same things will only lead you to feeling the same way. You need to form a new pattern in your life. You are missing the routine you had when you were with her, so you are also trying to get used to the change and that's hard too. You won't meet someone like her again, but you will meet someone better. Best of Luck.

kylith

I still occasionally reminisce about boyfriends I split up with more than 10 years ago. Eventually the hurt fades and you remember the good times you had together in a more objective way.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the replies people, they've been very helpful. Although it doesn't help my situation when I hear things such as her having friends with benefits situations with people (inadvertently found out about this through a facebook contact. I know I shouldn't care but the fact is that I've got nothing like that going for me, and haven't since the break up.

Lorna123

CantGetYouOuttaMyHead wrote: »

Cheers for the replies people, they've been very helpful. Although it doesn't help my situation when I hear things such as her having friends with benefits situations with people (inadvertently found out about this through a facebook contact. I know I shouldn't care but the fact is that I've got nothing like that going for me, and haven't since the break up.

Who wants a friend with benefits? God you are better off without her OP if this is what turns her on. Hold out for a proper g/f and forget about your ex, she is not worth it.