marriage over after 14 years

LegacyUser

My marriage ended recently, but today she moved out. I kept thinking that somehow she was going to change her mind but her brother arrived this morning to take her personal belongings. We have no children, we tried but for medical reasons she was unable to carry to term. We stopped long ago and decided that we would just live our lives anyway.

Then, back in January she started acting strange. Don't know why, I suspected someone else because she got ultra defensive about her phone and we always used each others phone. I was sorely tempted to go rooting through it on a number of occasions but never did, sometimes I wish I had though. Maybe I'd know for sure.

So, over the last few months she got very distant, very defensive about many things. We have lots of mutual friends and one friend who was initially her friend, a man, told me that he met her in the city back in april and she just broke down. He brought her back to his home and they talked for hours and whilst he wouldn't tell me anymore details he told me that as best he knew there was no one else. In some ways this seems worse than if she was with someone. The last few months have been a nightmare. I have no idea what the problem is, if I did maybe I could have made an effort to repair it, but the not knowing is killing me. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I have periods of numbness, periods of extreme depression, I've spent the last while just sitting on the couch with tears streaming down my face. We were a team, we did everything together, she was my best friend, my soul mate. I really do not want to go on without her, I cannot even think of what life will be like without her.

So I am sitting here in what is probably shock, I kept thinking right up until she walked out that this wasn't happening. I don't know what to do, I cannot face anyone right now, this last month my work has suffered and if it keeps up I might lose my job. I'm sure many people on here felt this, I remember having my heart broke when I was young but it wasn't like this, this swinging from tears to staring into space. I've told other friends before that time heals all but I feel like I lost a limb or something. I feel like I just want to die, curl up into a ball and go away. I'm 38 years old and my love, my best friend, my life is gone. I thought I knew pain when she had several miscarriages, the sight of her in the bed broke my heart then, I didn't think that it could break even worse than that. She took nearly every single thing that we didn't own in common, she even took the sheets from the bed in the other room she had been sleeping in the last while. I find I missed her scent most of all right now.

Anyway, not sure what writing the above will do, I read something else that writing things down can help. I'm not sure if I need or want any advice no matter how good because all I want is her. I've been pretty calm for a while now, the tears have stopped and I'm back to the numbness. One of mates (known him since I was 10) thought he was doing me a favour setting up a profile for me on a dating site and the very idea sickens me to my stomach. I got very angry with him and said such pretty awful stuff so feel really guilty about that, he meant only the best. I spent a while deleting the whole thing and it make me nauseous just to think that someone might have seen it (he put up photos and all....) as if I would be interested in anyone else. She has already gotten a solicitor to work things out, I cannot even consider doing that. It's not like we could sell this house and she said she doesn't want to live here anyway.

Well, that's it, probably the oldest story on here, due to my beliefs I would never even consider ending things but saying that I'd gladly die, right now.

December2012

Hi OP,

Did you guys try marriage counselling?

Carter12

Hi OP.

im so sorry to hear this, have you family you can go to and talk to? Do they know whats going on ?

You need support and help right now so you dont have to face this on your own.
Does your wife know how upset you are?
if so I would give her some space to figure out how she is feeling and you concentrate on yourself.
Im not saying that you ignore her, but let her know you are willing to try work things out and then see what happens.

The main thing is to talk to someone who cares about you, not some dope setting up online dating for you. Also, let someone in work know whats going on, maybe you could take some time off.

Big hugs x x

Brussels Sprout

OP, did she even give you a reason for leaving you?

Lisha

Hi op

I'm so sorry that you are finding this so hard .

Your wife has decieded to leave for her own reasons. It just might be that after everything she found it too hard to stay .

Fertility issues and treatment can gas a shockingly profound effect on any marriage , . It is neither of ye're fault .

Sometimes watching your partner in pain is just too hard to deal with.

Maybe your wife decided she needed a clean break .

I really think you would benefit from talking to your gp and counselling .

I do wish you all the best op, right now You must focus on getting through this day by day.
The time for talking about 'why' to your wife us prob a but away .

Best of luck and please talk to someone

ABajaninCork

December2012 wrote: »

Hi OP,

Did you guys try marriage counselling?

I think it's a bit late for that now. That ship looks to have sailed. The wife has decided it's over and moved out.

OP, I am so sorry you're going through such pain and suffering. It must be awful for you. You need time, and the support of your friends and family. Do they know?

When you start to recover your wits, then I really think getting some counselling would be good for you. I would also look to get some legal advice to see where you stand.