What to say to someone who's just been paralysed - help please if you can

bowloforanges

Hi there,

My cousin was recently involved in a car accident and is now paralysed from the waist down. I am fond of her but we're not too close, at the moment, she only wants to see immediate family, understandably.

Her sister said that she has been seeking some comfort in the cards she has received. I would like to send her a card and include some comforting words or verse to try show that she is in my thoughts. However, I am clueless as to what would be appropriate to write in the car given her situation. I would like to write something more thoughtful or comforting than simply saying that she is in my thoughts and prayers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Laura.

Grandpa Hassan

http://markpollock.wordpress.com/

http://www.thejournal.ie/mark-pollock/news/

I know this guy quite well....he went blind from 21 and then he was paralysed in an accident 3 years ago. Went through a tough time, needless to say, before dusting himself off and living a more full life than 99% of people on here

There is hope and there is inspiration out there. Point her to it.

padz

my friend is paralysed also from an accident recently, its v hard to see them in that way, not sure what you mean bout what to say to them if you would like u can pm me

From all the disabled people I've met, the one thing they absolutely want you to do is to continue treating them as normal. What do you say to them? Exactly what you would have done before.

janja

Deleted User wrote: »

From all the disabled people I've met, the one thing they absolutely want you to do is to continue treating them as normal. What do you say to them? Exactly what you would have done before.

I agree only ask if they look like they are struggling , they want and need independence

Neyite

padz wrote: »

my friend is paralysed also from an accident recently, its v hard to see them in that way, not sure what you mean bout what to say to them if you would like u can pm me

Padz, it is not permitted to ask the OP to pm you in this forum. Please read the charter for further clarification.

Scruffles

janja wrote: »

I agree only ask if they look like they are struggling , they want and need independence

that woud depend on the person,am personaly low functioning [low functioning, severely autistic and LD/ID] and relie on the support of others twenty four seven in residential care,the only independance have got is coming on the computer.
am also a wheelchair user due to the level of autism and todds paralysis from epilepsy.
some wheel chair users hate being pushed by anyone and remove the handles exactly because of this so it is an option to the lady if she wants, these usualy fold down but it all depends on the wheelie.
woud recommend a aluminium manual wheelchair if she wants to push herself,go for as high end as possible in the light weight category,mines mid range and is a PITA with pushing on anything other than smooth ground.

people who aquire disabilities tend to seperate themselves from the disability and prefer to be called a person with disability rather than a disabled person as they are not like those of us who were born disabled and have not lived with it their entire lives as part of their identity.
people who aquire disabilities go through various stages,including pitying themselves and hating themselves,they need help to keep their self confidence up,perhaps take her to some decent wheel chair/mobility stores or look at decent wheel chairs online,show her all the sports and services available to her now.

mention to her, she isnt alone,so many people have disabilities like hers,never give up hope,tell her to keep her head up when she feels like giving in and when she feels ready; to feel free to contact whenever she is feeling stressed.
she shoud also be made aware there are tons of support groups and forums online for disabled people-physicaly or mixed,but she is better off finding ones she can go to as many of the online versions have been infiltrated by munchausens by internet users and amputee fanciers [a fetish,well known to the disabled community alas].

SmallCroc

"I was so sorry to hear about your accident. I know you have the strength to get over this. Looking forward to seeing you as soon as you're ready for it"

pheasant tail

Check out the sunshine and lollipops forum. It may be helpful for her if you include a happy or inspiring/motivating quote the end of your card

bowloforanges

pheasant tail wrote: »

Check out the sunshine and lollipops forum. It may be helpful for her if you include a happy or inspiring/motivating quote the end of your card

Thanks Pheasant Tail, I want to write some kind of uplifting quote without it being too cheesy so I will check that out.

Starokan

I think the most important thing is not to ignore the fact that she is paralysed as in dont be afaid to mention it, if she is in a wheelchair ask her about it etc

I would avoid giving positive examples etc of people coping with disabilities, she will know all that herself, the psychological trauma of something like this is enormous , there are days when she will literally spend the day crying out of frustration and anger

All you can really do is be there if she wants to sound off and listen to her

December2012

Follow her lead.

Let her moan and rant, don't ignore the disability.

She has to have tine to process the "grief/anger" as well as getting corresponding inspiration.

December2012

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

http://markpollock.wordpress.com/

http://www.thejournal.ie/mark-pollock/news/

I know this guy quite well....he went blind from 21 and then he was paralysed in an accident 3 years ago. Went through a tough time, needless to say, before dusting himself off and living a more full life than 99% of people on here

There is hope and there is inspiration out there. Point her to it.

I heard him speak before. He was amazingly inspirational and his talk could be applied to anybody needing an injection of inspiration.

bowloforanges

Thanks for all the advice guys, I appreciate it.

_Whimsical_

I think that even just saying that you are thinking of her will make a difference. I have been very sick at times in my life and I have understood no one knows what to say but I have deeply appreciated every heart felt kind word from "I'll say a prayer for ya" to "its **** that this has happened" and it always made me feel better. Letting her know you care and that she is thought of will matter.

I'm sure she wouldn't be interested at this early stage but theres a fantastic reality show called Push Girls that follows 4 women who have had accidents that have left them paralysed. It's not the usual reality old mush. It doesn't shy away from the raw tough stuff but it really does show you that life, being sexy, being loved and being independent don't end after becoming disabled. It's inspirational in a very real way.

It might be a bit emotional atm for her but in time I think it would be very inspiring. Maybe bookmark it for her.

This is a pic of the girls in it : http://nyovelvetroper.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/amr570754.jpg

It's on netflix and well worth a watch for anyone.I think anyone who has a relative recently disabled would find it sad but very very heartening.

bowloforanges

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I think that even just saying that you are thinking of her will make a difference. I have been very sick at times in my life and I have understood no one knows what to say but I have deeply appreciated every heart felt kind word from "I'll say a prayer for ya" to "its **** that this has happened" and it always made me feel better. Letting her know you care and that she is thought of will matter.

I'm sure she wouldn't be interested at this early stage but theres a fantastic reality show called Push Girls that follows 4 women who have had accidents that have left them paralysed. It's not the usual reality old mush. It doesn't shy away from the raw tough stuff but it really does show you that life, being sexy, being loved and being independent don't end after becoming disabled. It's inspirational in a very real way.

It might be a bit emotional atm for her but in time I think it would be very inspiring. Maybe bookmark it for her.

This is a pic of the girls in it : http://nyovelvetroper.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/amr570754.jpg

It's on netflix and well worth a watch for anyone.I think anyone who has a relative recently disabled would find it sad but very very heartening.

Thanks for your thoughts. Ya I definitely wouldn't want to tell her about the show but maybe in a few months, might actually look at it myself. Thanks again.