How i should react?

OscarMike

Hello everyone
Okay , so my girlfriends grany has died today i took few days off cuz off that.
the thing is when i asked should i come up to her and all , she said well no cuz its a family thing... i was like ok and all , but then she asked to her friends to come over (females) , And they not like family or anything.
And when i asked her again on a phone if shes okay , she said yeah im fine cuz 2 of her friends are here.

i dont get this... All i wanted was like be there for her but she refused , but like friends are allowed to go there.

I may sound like im paranoid or something , but to me it seems like theres something wrong.

sorry for my english btw...

Roselm

OscarMike wrote: »

Hello everyone
Okay , so my girlfriends grany has died today i took few days off cuz off that.
the thing is when i asked should i come up to her and all , she said well no cuz its a family thing... i was like ok and all , but then she asked to her friends to come over (females) , And they not like family or anything.
And when i asked her again on a phone if shes okay , she said yeah im fine cuz 2 of her friends are here.

i dont get this... All i wanted was like be there for her but she refused , but like friends are allowed to go there.

I may sound like im paranoid or something , but to me it seems like theres something wrong.

sorry for my english btw...

Well I definitely think you did the right thing by offering to be there for her. Id really appreciate that. Her reaction sounds a bit strange but everyone is different and maybe she feels she can open up more around her girlfriends and that itd be easier to just grieve that way.
How long are you going out?

Meauldsegosha

Yes there is something wrong your girlfriend just lost her granny. This is not about you. Respect her wishes and be there when she wants you.

HowAreWe

it entirely depends on how long you've been together.

OscarMike

Roselm wrote: »

Well I definitely think you did the right thing by offering to be there for her. Id really appreciate that. Her reaction sounds a bit strange but everyone is different and maybe she feels she can open up more around her girlfriends and that itd be easier to just grieve that way.
How long are you going out?

2 months but like she said im the most important person in her life and all that

Meauldsegosha

OscarMike wrote: »

2 months but like she said im the most important person in her life and all that

Ah really OP you need to grow up a bit here. Your girlfriend is grieving and wants to be with her friends, who she has probably known a lot longer then two months. As I said previously this is not about you. It's about your girlfriend and letting her deal with her grief.

R.D. aka MR.D

OscarMike wrote: »

2 months but like she said im the most important person in her life and all that

Maybe she doesn't want to introduce you to her family at such a difficult time.

As others have said, let her be and maybe send a card or ask when the funeral is and go but don't hang around waiting to talk to her afterwards.

When the wake/funral is over then offer to take her out somewhere nice and be there for her.

OscarMike

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Maybe she doesn't want to introduce you to her family at such a difficult time.

As others have said, let her be and maybe send a card or ask when the funeral is and go but don't hang around waiting to talk to her afterwards.

When the wake/funral is over then offer to take her out somewhere nice and be there for her.

thank you for advice

December2012

You may be the most important person to her, but I bet after two months she hasn't cried, just lost it, been so raw and vulnerable as she feels right now.

Also, it may be uncomfortable for her family to be around people they don't know at this vulnerable and sad time for them.

Just follow her lead and do as she asks. Do let her know you're thinking of her but don't put pressure on her.

Esoteric_

I just lost my grandad a few days ago, so I'm in your girlfriend's position.

The ONLY people I wanted around me were family, and one friend. My oldest friends didn't come, because I asked them not to. My sisters didn't bring friends or boyfriends, because frankly, it's hard enough to deal with the death without worrying about making sure the boyfriend/friend isn't being left alone at the afters, or the meal or whatever else.

It was very good of you to offer, but there's nothing wrong just because she said no. She's still talking to you, which to be honest is more than I'm doing, I've been ignoring almost every call and text I've received since my grandad died on Sunday morning, so no, there's nothing wrong. It's just waaaaay too soon in the relationship for her to feel comfortable enough to bring you.

Just be there for her, and don't worry that anything is wrong. You've done the right thing in offering, and letting her know you're there for her.