It still annoying me...

LegacyUser

This is sort of difficult to explain so bare with me...

Myself and the gf were having a few drinks last week, we decided to have a little game of truth or dare which we had done before and was always fun. I feel a bit embarrassed even typing this anonymously tbh.

so the gf asked when the last time I had 'played with myself' which I answered and we had a laugh. so I turned the tables and asked her and she said last week Wednesday, I said (jokingly) I know your lying because as I remember we were 'together' that night to which she said I know, it was when you went asleep I finished myself off basically... now the mood changed instantly and I could see her back peddling like she was joking but I know she wasn't and I pressed her on it.

now she explained I do satisfy her but sometimes I don't and she has done this and to stop being so childish.

I can't explain why but this really annoyed me. Firstly should she not talked to me about this so I could 'finish the job' so to speak. secondly do girls actually do this? tbh I've never even heard of girls admit to masturbating at all. I actually realise now I probably don't know too much about female sexuality when it comes to that sort of thing.

anyways this fight snowballed with a few drinks but the next day we were both a bit sheepish and maybe a little annoyed but we haven't talked about it since and things are back to normal now.

But i'm still annoyed cause I keep thinking she's told her friends why were fighting and that i'm a let down in bed, its really important to me that she is happy as I am in the bedroom department. I wish she had of talked to me about this and to talk about it out but i'm embarrassed by it all...

am I being a total idiot here? why cant I let it go? I want to let it go but I cant but yet I don't want to do anything about it, its really wrecking my head. Its not the sort of thing a lad can talk to his mate about.

I always make the first move in the bedroom and I don't think I can make that move with this playing on my mind...

I just want to sort this out with her, in my own head without feeling so (I don't know) and for things to be back to normal. Am I making a huge deal out of nothing? Why do I feel inadequate all of a sudden?

2Mad2BeMad

I'm a fella first off

but even i know women are quite hard to fully satisfy

for example, when we(men) ejaculate, we cant keep going as its too sensitive and it doesnt feel like pleasure more like pain , so we have to take a small 5-10 min break until were able to get going again

for women, they can keep going, infact my own gf admits this herself then when we do it and i make her cum and then myself, she most of the time wants to keep on going, because girls can keep going and they feel alot more horny after ejaculating

besides that, quite alot of girls are very hard to satisfy fully, some are easy to make ejaculate, but most are not, it doesnt matter how good you are, some girls want to keep on going on where as for us its impossible until were ready to go again

dont take it to heart, if anything girls are really lucky to be able to keep on going :L wish we could as well be alot more interesting haha specialy in pre mature situations haha

look you admitted it yourself you pull and tug, she does it as well, whether she does it herself everytime after you guys finish is a different story, but if its every now and again i wouldnt worry about it

like i said girls are worse for it then fellas
but they wont admit it because they use it against us now lets see all the women rage at me :L even though all of this has come from a girl

judgefudge

I'm a young female. I've always masturbated, since I was a young teen. Just like any fella. Most boyfriends I've been with have known this. I think it's something a lot more women than you'd expect do. It's definitely not talked about as much among women but it's fairly common.

As for finishing herself off, I think you are overreacting a little maybe. I don't orgasm each and every time I have sex with my partner, and he is great in bed. Sometimes it just doesn't happen before he gets off. It's perhaps a little unusual to rub one out with your partner is next to you but maybe she was just desperate and you had gone to sleep. I don't know. Point is, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Just tell her in future that you're more than happy to finish the job.

Also, I'd highly doubt she's explained the ins and outs to her mates. If she has it's sort of a breach of privacy as a couple. But I doubt she's gone to her mates and said you're upset with her for masturbating! They probably just know you've had a tiff.

It's nothing to feel inadequate about. It's generally accepted that it's more difficult for women to orgasm during sex. Even with the best lover.

LegacyUser

Men masturbate. Women masturbate. It doesn't really matter. Have you tried mutual masturbation, OP? It is great fun, especially when you don't allow yourself to touch each other.

I would actually advise you to look into buying a sex toy. Something small, like a bullet. I bought one for my girlfriend and we both absolutely love it. Don't see it as an insult or anything, see it as an aid. You'll see that it can transform your sex life completely - coupled with the right positions, it can be absolutely mindblowing for your girlfriend.

Ask her what she likes in the bedroom and ask her to tell you if she'd rather do something else. Don't let it damage your ego - it'll benefit you too, trust me. Experiment with positions - try and move away from the plain missionary position as much as possible, or try and get one position and tweak it slightly.

To the poster above - not all women can continue once they have orgasmed. Some get sensitive, some do not.

Would you often come before she does? There's various techniques that you can use to prolong it, so I'd say for you to look into these. Just because you might finish first doesn't mean you can't keep pleasuring her - move on to using your fingers or your tongue or the sex toy you'll hopefully get.

Meller

I understand why you're annoyed, OP, but try not to think about it too much. I think masturbation is kind of a strange topic in relationships, as it's often kind of difficult to understand the other's position. Girls certainly do it, so you shouldn't feel bad about that for one. But obviously girls don't tend to orgasm as easily as guys, so sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself... it's hard to explain to someone else exactly what you want. And a LOT of women find it much easier to orgasm on their own; it's usually nothing to do with how good the guy is. I think men sometimes find this hard to understand, similarly women sometimes wonder why men still masturbate often if they're happy with sex. It really is no big deal though - I think you're right when you say you probably just don't know a lot about female sexuality. Not many people do as we're not very exposed to it. But I wouldn't worry about it OP, I highly doubt it's anything to do with you.

She did reveal it in a bit of an unfair way, though. If she was annoyed about it, she should have told you before.

LegacyUser

I do it sometimes, after he's left the room (we usually do it in the mornings). He doesn't know cos I'd be afraid of hurting his feelings. I have difficulty coming to orgasm. He knows this and tries his best, but doesn't beat himself up if it doesn't happen cos he can see how much I enjoy sex with him. Sometimes I'm so worked up after though that I just need the release. He could work on me for an hour and it might not work, and could get upset and down on himself. Whereas 3 mins with a vibrator and I'm done. Just makes sense.

But I don't want to rub it in his face "Oh its just that an inanimate plastic object does it but you can't". Seems a bit rude, tbh.

It doesn't mean he's a crap lover - he's great. And it doesn't mean I'm dissatisfied and am going to moan about it to my pals (God no! We dont talk about every damn thing together ya know!!!)

I'd try to keep it in perspective, tbh.

/V\etalfish

There seems to be two issues here:

Firstly, you're putting way too much emphasis on the 'finishing' part.
I'm sure your girlfriend still really enjoys sex with you, sometimes finishing is just not going to happen. For her and even for you?
I'm male, and sometimes during the deed, I wouldn't ejaculate (particularly during round 2 or 3!) but that doesn't mean that I enjoy the sex any less.
Give it 10 or 20 minutes after we've finished and I could feel the need to release again.
No harm done in finishing myself or getting the other half to do it at that stage.
Should the other person feel offended? Definitely not.

Secondly, you two seem to be lacking on the communication front.
Issues like this shouldn't really stem from drinking games. You're obviously a little more open about it after a few drinks but this is what you need to address.
Just talk openly, calmly and honestly about it with her when drink isn't involved and you shouldn't run into any surprises like this in future.