Lost - friends are not real

LegacyUser

I'm a regular poster on Boards but I don't really want anyone to know this is me posting this.

I'm in my mid 20's & I'm female.

I see threads like this all the time and I do know some of the things I need to do to help my situation but here goes..


I lost my best friend a few years ago in tragic circumstances. She was like my sister and for 11 years I got to enjoy a really good friendship with her, she was everything to me. After she died I was lost, like a zombie on auto pilot everyday. Not eating, sleeping, crying all the time and a few girls (I used to work with them and they were in my school) started to contact me to come out and see was I ok. I started palling around with them and they were great to me at the start, I was out with them everyday and it took my mind off things and they actually did help me come out of the dark path I was heading down.

Now.. it's been 6 years and I literally cannot stand the sight of them I feel so lost and alone and it's awful being this age and feeling like you have nobody to just ring up when you've had a bad day and help take your mind of things. I do a lot of things on my own because it's actually just stress and hassle trying to get them to do things! They all smoke weed these girls, and I swear to god it drives me insane being around them now. All they want to do is smoke weed, their lives revolve around it all day, everyday. Anytime we make plans to go somewhere, they have to ensure that they can have a joint wherever we go. It's just f*cking ridiculous! I have smoked it in the past so it's not like I'm anti drug or being prude but it does affect how they behave. They act bored on the phone if I tell them something happened at home or in work. When we meet up there's no conversation because they are too stoned, so we just always sit there watching tv!

They all bitch about each other terribly, which I think can be typical girl behaviour for some, but it makes me think what must they say about me! Not like I give a sh*t anyway but to me, they aren't "real" friends if they do that to each other.

It's like everything is a chore for them! Some of these girls are even into harder drugs and I stopped going on weekends away with them ages ago, because I was just sick of being around all that sh*t..

It's gotten to the stage where I don't ring, text or go out to them these days. I went out the other day for an hour and a half with 2 of them and I was just DYING to get home because they bitched and moaned the whole time. I was left out of the convo and I'm really outgoing - not shy at all. Anytime I tried to make some input or join in, they just dismissed me and continued bitching. I am not interested in that, I want people that will actually make me happy I feel like I thread on eggshells with them - why would "friends" make you feel that way?

I actually went to my best friends grave yesterday (I haven't been in 2 years as I find graves depressing) and sat down in the sun and balled my eyes crying. I miss her so much I felt I really needed to be close to her, just to feel some little part of that normal life I had when she was alive.

I know what everyone is going to tell me to do because I've seen it all before, join clubs, get into activities that I like to meet people similar. But I really have to admit that I am so disheartened by people these days, I don't think many people are loyal and it's hard to find someone who is a good friend. It can take years to build up trust.

Do I just need to grit my teeth, get on with it and drop all these witches I've been calling "friends"?

Starokan

yes that is exactly what you need to do, if you do not enjoy their company then you need to cut them out.

Maybe just phase them out because in fairness they were there when you needed them most which is something a lot of people would not do.

Friendships are not necessarily permanent, you need to move on and find people who share your interests and outlook

EdCastle

Starokan wrote: »

Maybe just phase them out because in fairness they were there when you needed them most which is something a lot of people would not do.

Were they really there though?

Seems to me like they suck the life out of vulnerable people like a bunch of vampires. That's not being there for anyone...that's controlling people.

Katgurl

I'm sorry but I dont think these girls sound like witches and I don't think it's true if they b!tch then they aren't true friends to each other, it is probably just more of a bad habit.

I do however think you should pull away from them and try hard to make some new friends. When I was younger and into drugs I lost touch and never socialised with non-druggies. I didn't do it on purpose, in fact I'm sure I had little choice in the matter because I must have been so bl00dy boring to anyone who wasn't in drug / club scene. I had nothing to talk about because all I was genuinely interested in was going out and getting out of it. Zzzzzzz to be around I'm sure unless the other party had exact same objectives.

Now I've left all that lifestyle behind and nothing bores me more than people getting high and droning on with nonsensical cr@p. I don't think my old friends who still behave like this or bad people I just don't enjoy their company.

The thing is, right now you've very little in common with these girls. That might change in the future (they were certainly good to you in the past) and I don't think they are badly intentioned towards you.

But these friendships aren't giving you anything. Everyone needs friends so I think it's very important you look for some new ones. Even not being over reliant on one group will be good for you. You seem to know all the methods for finding friends so give that a bash. But please don't take it personally that these other girls are letting you down - they are just caught up with their own stuff right now.