Losing my hair and my mind

LegacyUser

Im a woman early 40's. My hair has been thinning for the past 10 years to the point that I cant deal with it any more. I also have a number of sabaceous cyst type lumps on my scalp and have not been to a hairdresser for almost 7 years now and not had a boyfriend in my life for the past 8 years for the same reason.

I feel this is destroying my life, but I dont know what to do about it.

Its not iron, or stress, or anything that those so called tablets will fix. This is male pattern type baldness of the most horrible kind, just hairs dripping from my head constantly. Its got to a stage where I wont wash my hair for over 2 weeks, because I feel like I am avoiding the issue, but then all the hair that should have shed, poured out.

I am tired of never feeling attractive, embarrassed when other girls talk about getting their hair done and have been having bad hair days for over 10 years now.

I am sad, lonely and feel I cant talk about this to anyone. Its gradually getting worse, worse worse and I can picture myself with see through hair. Its zapped my confidence to nothing and Im crying writing this. I dont want to wear a wig - I feel its such a false solution, I would hate to come home at night and see the real me.

Has anyone else dealt with this as a woman? I feel now at 43 that I will never have a realationship and will be forever alone.

Some people might think its petty but Im absolutely heartbroken over this and its now 10 years of it. I did go to the doctor once about it and she just dismissed me - no I cant see anything wrong, and even if there is there is nothing you can do about it.

Taltos

Just a foreword to posters. Please bear in mind our charter - please no medical advice.

Thanks
Taltos

Blinder

Find another doctor. This is obviously affecting you and your doctor should not have dismissed your worries

DoozerT6

OP, my heart goes out to you. Woman aren't SUPPOSED to lose their hair like men are, so when it happens, of course we're going to feel self-conscious, like everyone is staring at us.

Firstly, (Mods, not trying to give medical advice, just general advice!) could you return to your gp, or find a more sympathetic one, and insist on a referral to a specialist or at least insist on getting a full run of blood tests done to see if there any deficiencies or hormone problems that could be causing this? It it's something that can be fixed, especially as you suffer from sebaceous cysts, I would urge you to do this first.

Secondly, and this is a bit more radical (!!) there is a (middle-aged) woman I know who has a completely shaven head, like Sinead O'Connor back in the day. Admittedly she has a slim figure and good facial bone structure to carry it off, but she also rocks this style with her attitude, some people stare but they soon get the message that she doesn't care what they think. Honestly, if it comes down to you just having bad luck with how your hair has ended up, I would consider this route - a Number One or Two shave, some eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss, and I bet you could be a stunner It's not for everyone, but if I was in a position where my hair was causing me such acute embarrassment and couldn't be fixed medically, I think I would consider it...you could even dye the remainder purple or blue, and really 'own' it!

DaisyD2

I inherited the same problem from my fathers side - there is nothing I can do to stop, prevent or halt it - I've tried!

For me it came to a head in my early 30s when I seen photos after a family function where the flash lit up my scalp like a Supermoon - I can admit now I cryed.

Then I got really pissed, I had fabulous hair in my teens n twenties, then it started to thin dramatically in my thirties.

After I seen photos (I had already had all tests with gp but if your not happy with yours do get 2nd opinion) I made appointment with Doctor to find out about hair transplant. €150 consultation & I could see His plugs clear across room! He thought I would be good candidate for transplant but at €10,000 I couldn't afford it but it was a turning point for me.

The more I thought about how to get the money, how could I hide operation until growth covered it, how could I hide scars (the harvest hair from back of your scalp if theres enough) etc etc the more I looked at women in my family & started noticing women on the street - I am not alone & not even "worst" case. I don't mean that to sound bad but rather We are not Alone! Hell, most celebs wear wigs or pieces to create their luxurious locks!

My hair is crap but most days I can handle that, I'm not saying I don't have meltdowns, hate sight of cameras, eat too much or cry in my pillow by times but as Cher says "Pull up the Big Girl Pants" & go out and face the world with head held high & when I get really bad theres always fabulous wigs to be tried!

LegacyUser

I could have pretty much written DaisyD2's post word for word myself, my experience is so similar.

OP, you are not alone in this, far from it. I'm in my early thirties now and my own experience is that my hair was thinning for about 10 years and I never even realised it, until a combination of a rainy day, harsh lighting and angled overhead mirrors in a deparment store beauty counter allowed me to see the horrific extent of my hair loss one day. I was in absolute shock when I realised it and I admit I panicked. I looked into all sorts of treatments, from relatively straightforward vitamin supplements to hair transplants to seriously terrifying medication with unbelievable side effects. As far as I was concerned, I would have done anything to get my hair back.

What stopped me in my tracks is that about 6 weeks after I discovered my hair loss and thought that was the worst thing that could have happened to me, life threw me a proper curve-ball and my father very suddenly became very ill and subsequently died. I'm not trying to be flippant in saying this, but my hair was the very least of my worries in that time and it shook me out of the rut of worry, self-consciousness and self-loathing that I was going down.

Like you OP, my hair loss is quite like some male pattern baldness - the hair over all of the top of my head is quite thin and my crown is very thin indeed. I hate it, but I've accepted that I'm not going to change it. Should it get drastically worse, I'll get a kick-ass wig that will finally give me the sort of volume that no amount of "volumising" shampoos or "thickening" sprays or drying my hair upside down would ever have given me. And until that point, I've made a deliberate decision not to let it take over my life. It takes a bit of work at times, keeping my crazy I-hate-myself-I-hate-my-hair thoughts in check, but it's worth doing.

I know how confidence-destroying this can be, but all I can do is assure you that NO ONE is even a fraction as aware of your own hair loss as you are. It really is a matter of just not allowing it to take over your life. I know how hard that must be if you've been this conscious of your hair loss for 10 years and if you feel like it's held you back from being in a relationship. So I don't say it lightly, but it's the only answer really. There's no magic 100% guaranteed cure for hair loss. You can't really control your hair loss but you can control how you deal with it.

I would urge you though to definitley go see a good hairdresser. There's no hair condition or issue that they won't have dealt with before and they'll be able to give you a style that will probably make the hair you have look a whole lot better. Maybe use that as a start to moving on from your hair loss and seeing it as just one minor aspect of your physical appearance, not all of it. And certainly not all of who you are.

Good luck OP, you're not alone.

LegacyUser

My mother has so little hair that at 60 her scalp is now see-through. I am 30 and seem to be going the same way myself.

Something that has halted it for me is eating plenty of fats and eating Udos oil. My mother eats a typical "low fat" diet as recommended for years here and yep, you guessed it, she's overweight and not in good health. I on the other hand eat lots of natural fats and my Udos supplements and this has considerably slowed my hair loss. I recommend it.

My cousin has alopecia and is totally bald. She is married with two kids and is as happy as can be. She has a number of lovely wigs that look completely natural and she always looks beautiful.

Change your thinking about this. You can't change anything else. Good luck.

Deediddums

Hi Scarylocks, you poor thing. That sounds really stressful and demoralising. To answer your question though, yes, I have had this happen me. Noticed more and more coming out when I showered (and my hair gets greasy really quickly so it wasn't an option not to).

Obviously no one can offer medical advice here but I would urge you to go back to your GP and if she doesn't take it seriously then switch your GP. I had dreadful cystic acne for years (and weight gain) along with slowly losing hair. I switched doctors a number of times and was finally diagnosed with PCOS by the doctor I attend regularly who took me and my concerns seriously from the get go. All my symptoms are under control now. Having a doctor you can talk to and who listens to you is very important - it's the best way for them to tease out symptoms you might not even have registered which can all be part of an underlying condition.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

This runs in my family and my mother and her three sisters are all in their 50-60's and have very very thin hair, more scalp than hair really. My Aunt started losing her hair noticably at 17 so count yourself lucky this only started recently for you! I seem to be going the same way myself and it does make me very self conscious sometimes. However, lucky I've learned from my mother and aunts. My aunt (the one that started losing her hair at 17) never had a family of her own and was going out with a married man for years, she had very very low self esteem. Anyways she got very very very sick (unrelated) and was hospitalised and nearly died. When she got out it really put things in perspective for her and she realised hair just doesn't matter. So she went and bought a wig and the transformation in her was amazing. She went from being a bitter and sarcastic woman to being very positive and optimistic. She met a lovely man and they're married now. My own mother then decided she's had enough and went and got some wigs too. She asked me what she should tell people, and I said "it's none of their business" and you know what? No one has ever realised it's a hair piece. Her closest friends have said, "wow your hair looks amazing, where do you get it done", she just smiles and says Peter Marks and leaves it at that. If my hair gets bad I'm not going to wait until it depresses me I'm going to go online (online ones are 1/5 the price of the ones in places you go to in person) and buy myself some new hair. People wear false nails, false tan, heck even false boobs, why not false hair? The only person who'll know is you.

Buck up OP, it's not just you, lots of women are going through this. Have a think about your options.

Best of luck.

picturehangup

Scarylocks,

Going through this very issue myself. I have always had very greasy and fine hair. After my second child, I nearly haemorrhaged to death, and discovered that my husband was not who I thought he was. All within the space of two weeks. As you can imagine, my hair sufffered, and has never been the same. I was also the victim of poor hairdressing, where my layers were cut too shotr/imbalanced, and this coupled with colors which were far too dark only compounded the problem further. I went into further shock, and became obsessed with my hair, finding it on the pillow, shower tray. It seems to come and go, and there are times where it does not seem to be too bad at all! I was also diagnosed with PCOS and high testosterone which is probably the root cause of the the hair problem. I still found it hard to change hairdresser, as it was a case of the devil you know, but eventually plucked up courage and found the most wonderful and sympathetic hairdresser who has an interest in trichology. She gave me a different cut, and highlighted my hair, and for the first time in years I have something of a ponytail... well.. more a pigtail, but better than was there before. If you PM me, I can forward her details. She really helped. I also took tricologic for women, and I really think it helped. I am going through this, you are not alone here, and it is great that you have started this thread, we are all in this together. My Doc, despite identifying a potential cause of my problem was not much good either. My problem has been ongoing for ten years also.
My new hairdresser has helped immensely. Hope this helps.

picturehangup

Tranceypoo

OP, have you actually been diagnosed with this or are you assuming worse case scenario? I would agree with other posters if you have, find another gp and asked to be referred to a specialist.

I totally understand your feelings about it, I have noticed my hair thinning in the last few years and last year I was diagnosed with frontal fibrosing alopecia, which basically means my hair is receding at the front, I also had a couple of serbacious cysts on my scalp, these are totally separate issues by the way) and I had them removed earlier this year, wasn't pleasant to be perfectly honest but I was so self conscious at the hairdressers because of them.

But I would urge you to do some further research, see if there are support groups online, ask your gp to refer you to a specialist (I think it would be a dermatologist that's who I was referred to and diagnosed me). Good luck hun, I totally know where you're coming from it's so tough looking in the mirror sometimes it's the first thing you see and can be so upsetting, I'm trying to have the attitude of 'it is what it is, I have to deal with it' but it's not always easy.

coolbeans

My mother got hair transplants. They work, no doubt about it. Expensive but it is a way around your problem. I don't accept that nothing can be done about it when this admittedly expensive option is available.

blatantrereg

I have a couple of sebaceous cysts on my scalp. Washing my hair with cider vinegar every week or so keeps them from swelling up at all. It dissolves the sebum. You might look into that. I use it neat but generally people suggest diluting it. I'm a male in my mid thirties and I'm not losing my hair.

picturehangup

This seems to be a most common problem with ladies. I would go for medical treatment if I knew my problem was dermatological or hormonal which I suspect it is. I am willing to do anything to resolve my own hair issue. Has anyone had success with a sympathetic Endocrinologist with an interest in hair loss? There's bound to be one somewhere, and I am going to request a referral from my GP. By the way OP, have you made any progress since you started this thread, which I think is a terrific thread, and should be kept going. A lot of women are suffering from this, and we need to help each other. Hope you are okay, OP.

Duberlin Chick

Hey OP. my mother suffers from something very similar and as a result just didn't want to ever leave the house. We got in touch with the hair loss clinic in Hairspray in dublin city centre and now mam has a hairpiece that she clips in. It's like a new lease of life for her.

People are always commenting on how good her hair looks and to boot it's taken years off her.

I wish u all the best OP. hopefully you find a solution soon. I saw how sad it made mam and happy to have her back.

fibix

Going through similar myself. I never have had much hair but what's happening currently is a disaster.
It started around Jan / February, trimmed my hair to help it but it went even worse from then on
I was on the pill for nearly two years and stopped taking it around that time, heard opinions that hormone levels may cause that. No idea whether this is an issue in my case.
Also, have been on a diet since September, lost over 3st but never ever starved myself, eat only fruit or any of this mad diets. A lot of sport, unprocessed food etc.
Thinking about cutting my hair short (there's no point of keeping them medium long anyway, can't do anything with them being this thin), doing the chemical hair analysis and having the hair checked by trichologist. I have had my blood count done in March and no issues whatsoever.
I'm trying not to let this to get me but all I see around me is girls with beautiful, thick, long hair. Trying to imagine myself in short hair, there was a thread here from guys' perspective and I'm afraid short hair is defo not a advantage. I only hope this is reversible