Feeling old at 26

Powerfairy

Hey
So I hope this doesn't insult anyone cos that is not my intention but I've recently tuned 26, and for some reason it's having a profound affect on me, I feel like I've wasted my life up to this point and it's making me anxious, I had boyfriends for 6 years then 2 years and I never grew on my own as a person, now I'm 26 I'm single I want to travel,(-all my friends are married engaged buying houses being grown ups etc and still anxious about going travelling alone it's like I'm afraid to live) I want become an accountant working towards this at the moment and have a great life but recently people In my work and in my life in general have highlighted that I've nothing to show for my 26 years, it is totally freaking me out I'm an old bird, renting a house with a 21 yr old who has more life experience than I ever could I couldn't afford to get a mortgage yet feeling old, and lost. Is this a quarter life crisis and does anyone else at my age feel totally terrified that they have wasted so much of their 20s thank you

BerryBlue

I felt exactly that way at 23, then again at 26, and now at my ripe old age of 32, eh, still feeling I'm not where I 'should' be at for my 'age' group - but the more years I get under my belt the more I learn to say F**k That! We all have our own lives, our own paths, and its human nature to constantly compare ourselves to others, and mark where we are in life by where they are in life - which is really ridiculous when you think about it. You're feeling old when you are actually REALLY YOUNG - and when you get to my age, you'll be looking back, like me, thinking you should have realised that then.

If you feel like you havn't come into your own because of the relationships you had, well now is the time to change it - you certainly can't go back and change the past, but you can start changing today & aim for the things you want and that are important to YOU, do some travel, commit to & finish your accountancy. You need to define what makes you happy and be proud of the things you do and accomplish - don't compare yourself to others. And if anyone points out to you that you've nothing to show for your years - well they sound like they're trying to put you down, to make themselves feel better..

Also, could you try to honestly look at what you DO have rather than what you DON'T? You've had long term relationships which I'm sure you learned so much from, your working, your training in what you want to do, you're renting somewhere and living independently.. and thinking about doing some travel.... That all sounds great to me for your age...... there must be thousands your age, living at home, on the dole, no propects, no education etc.... stop being so hard on yourself and your nowhere near an 'old bird' your still a young chick!!

Powerfairy

Hey thanks for that BerryBlue. It really helped. I need to put things into perspective, I am really lucky, I am out of two relationships that didn’t work, both my parents and my brothers are healthy and well, & being worried about age and where am I at this stage of my life is pointless cos’ I can’t change it really, what has happened, in the past has happened and I cant change it unfortunately .

So sick of women in work saying "When I was your age I was married I had two kids and a mortgage" bla bla bla. I certainly do not want that. (Yet)
Bit of a reality check needed for me, I think. Just need to study hard for the next 2 years aaahhhh I will be 28/29 by the time I am qualified , & then travel & do what I want, When you come out of a major relationship you just feel so lost with no direction and I always assumed at 26 I would have my act together, & be totally settled/happy/etc. But I need to just find myself again but by god that is a scary thought. thanks a mill Take care x

Legs.Eleven

I know absolutely nobody who was settled in the traditional sense of the word at 26. You're so young! At your age, I'd just finished university (at 25) and 3 years later, went travelling around South America on my own for 11 months. Life doesn't end at 30 and you still have plenty of your 20s to enjoy.

The fact that you think you should be settled at 26 is strange to me (although there's nothing wrong at all with settling down at that age). If you were, you'd be exceptional and definitely not the standard.


Don't waste the rest of your twenties believing your old when you're not. When you really do get older, you'll be kicking yourself for thinking this way. You're really not old, OP. Enjoy your youth.

Bid08

hi, I am also 26 and I agree with Legs.Eleven although I am that 'exceptional and definitely not the standard'

I am in a long term relationship, engaged, we bought our house at 23 and hopefully trying for a baby soon but honestly there is very very very few people I went to school with in my situation

I actually met friends from college last week and I was the only one in my situation, the rest are able to go out drinking when they like (we cant with a mortgage but we never did anyhow just not us) going on holiers when they want (again we cant afford holidays like we did before the mortgage, this is what I miss) I couldnt believe how diff I was to them, I felt old. but I love how my life is now and I wouldnt change it for anything,

Do not worry that you are getting on. you are still young. get your qualifications, go travelling and then worry about a mortgage

ash23

OP, I'm 30 and it's currently about 50/50 in terms of my classmates and friends of the same age in terms of who is settled and married and who is still single.

I have noticed this year that a number of my old classmates have gotten engaged and are getting married. Some of the others have been married years and some, like myself, are still single.

Enjoy your 20s. I came out of a serious longterm (bad) relationship at 25 and I had an absolute ball for my late 20s. One of the best times of my life.
I'm not overly panicked about finding someone. I'm still only 30 and I feel about 25.

Don't fret over it too much. At 23 I had bought a house, was in a relationship and was a mother. I felt like I had totally missed my youth and I really had huge envy of the people going off travelling and getting their careers and education in order.
So I was thrilled to get to do my "partying" later in life. It's out of my system and at 30 I can say I am content with who I am and the life I have, I've lived and I have no regrets.
I have health problems so that has put things in perspective and I'm planning on making the most of my 30s, whether that is as a single person or as part of a couple. Whichever way it falls I am going to make the most of it. After all, that's all we can do.

Powerfairy

Thanks Ash23. Much appreciated,

I Just feel totally lost, and disapointed with myself that I stayed in bad relationships for so long, now I am single for the first time in my life & I am 26 and I am like Holy Sh*t what do I do.

I Should be married/engaged/qualified/have travelled/ by now. Where did them years go. But I don't want to be the member of my own pity party, Going to cop the hell on, & get the exams out of the way in August & get the travelling ball rolling by saving, & all of that. I am a chief bridesmaid for my best friend next year, & I set her up with her husband to be, that freaks me out that she is getting married, My other 25 yr old friend is getting married now in August& I have that hen now soon, its mad why is everyone getting married!

Also recently I was seeing 23 year old guy & he told other lads in our social group I was "too old for him" so that totally knocked my confidence, that I cant even pull a 23 year old I have lost my young girl mojo!! Vain thing to say so apologies for that!

I suppose it would be worse if I felt like I was missing my youth, I have a second chance now Ash23 so going to try enjoy it! Thanks a mill everyone this boards.ie is such a great website. Can't recommend it enough.x

She Who Dares Wins

"Never regret getting older, there are far too many people who never had that privilege"

What you're experiencing is your very own quarter life crisis! Firstly anyone commenting on your life has to be put in their place, people only ever do that when they want to make themselves feel better about something in their own life that they're not happy with &/or they envy you yours. So you need to have your response to them telling you you should have that house or fiance along the lines of "not at all, sure where's the fun in being stuck with that, too much to do and see now. And tell me have you anything exciting going on yourself these days?"...throw their focus back on them, see what happens

As you said you're in a good position career wise, you're working your own path towards your travel plans. Kneel down and thank your lucky starts you dont have a house or mortgage or property tax. That equals more freedom & money for Powerfairy's plane tickets. woohoo. Think too, would you want to be 21/22 at the moment trying to establish a career, being faced with having to emigrate. There are pros and cons to age.
As for those getting married, 25/26 is very young to be doing that too these days, who knows how that will work out for them. They may very well be on here with their own "im 30 and stuck crisis".

So Id say go order your travel brochures....lock them away until exams finish, then get planning. And the next time you pass a bank door say to yourself "praise the lord you people dont own me for the next 30 years"

beks101

There's several ways of looking at things. Right now you're choosing the wrong one.

You're 26 with a truckload of relationship experience under your belt, a strong career goal and definite path to that goal, footloose and fancy-free and not tied to anywhere because you've married or mortgaged yourself at a young age.

I'm 2 years older than you and there's a million things I could nitpick at and decide that I'm under-achieving in life if I compared myself to my married friends. But most of them are drawing comparisons with me and coming to the same conclusions - some don't have career goals, some will never have the same ability to travel, some pretty much have the next 20 years of their lives mapped out because they had kids and bought a house at a young age. I haven't settled down and can't afford a mortgage either but I consider that an absolute blessing! I can do anything, move anywhere, it's incredibly exciting!

My advice? Distance yourself from these people who are making you feel this way. It's a combination of narrow-mindedness/small-town attitude and probably secret envy at the options you have that they don't.

And use your freak-out about your age as motivation to do something that fulfills you. Find another goal, a new sport, a marathon, inter-railing, a new language. Something that excites you!

And don't worry about feeling old. I've been feeling old on every birthday since I was 15 years old! I don't think it ever goes away