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Normal to be so attached

  • 07-07-2013 10:49pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi All,

    I was wondering if I could get some feedback on a few things. I've been in a relationship since I was in my mid teens and I am now in my early 20s. I've never felt that I have missed out on I live with my partner. We do very well in college, and we get on like a house on fire with the exception of a few odd disagreements that usually end on good terms (I assume every couple does this).

    However, I don't talk about relationships with other people or my friends largely because they haven't been in a relationship as long as I have. I don't know whether some things are normal in my relationship.

    One thing for example, is I miss my partner so much when they are away, like at present. We didn't live together due to college commitments, and it was the same horrible pain during the week when I couldn't see him. When he is away, I can't sleep properly, I feel unmotivated and like everything is a chore. He makes things so fun when he is here that boring things seem interesting. I am worried that this isn't normal, that other people don't get as down as I do when I haven't seen their partner for a while.

    Is this kind of thing normal?


Comments

  • #2
    CarMe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 677 ✭✭✭CarMe


    I honestly wouldn't worry there's not really any "normal", every relationship is different and it sounds like you're really happy together.

    Isn't it better to have someone who motivates and excites you rather than drains and sucks the life out of you?


  • #3
    Meller
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 436 ✭✭Meller


    CarMe wrote: »
    I honestly wouldn't worry there's not really any "normal", every relationship is different and it sounds like you're really happy together.

    Isn't it better to have someone who motivates and excites you rather than drains and sucks the life out of you?

    While I agree with this to some extent I think it's good that the OP is being prudent. I definitely think there is such a thing as being overly attached! It makes you happy sometimes, sure, but what about, as the OP describes, when you're apart or when you fight?

    It's good to miss your partner but it shouldn't incapacitate you imo - for a number of reasons this is just unhealthy. It'll make you too desperate and needy when you have fights, as being apart is just so unfathomable to you. It'll strip you of a lot of your own individuality if you can't do things on your own or enjoy yourself without them, which spells trouble for any relationship long-term.

    I think it's common for people to crave to be really close to someone, so close that maybe you become almost a collective person, but it's an unrealistic aim. A relationship will always involve two different people and you will always be a separate individual to your partner, even though you feel so together. If you neglect yourself a relationship will suffer. You have to make sure that the person your partner loves and respects so much remains intact! Make sure you still maintain your hobbies and enjoy doing things alone or with your friends when he's not around. Missing him is one thing but don't let it stop you from living your life.


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