No passion to work, no social life

LegacyUser

This thread is going to come across as depressing but I've received good advice here before so I thought it makes sense to post again on a different issue.

Basically I've 2 problems in life at the minute. Firstly, having finished my college course in May (a really tough course), I've realized I have zero passion for it as a job for the rest of my life. I only really properly came to this realization when googling common interview questions. The question "why do you want this job?" is frequently asked. After 20 mins the only honest thing I could come up with is "it pays well." The problem is that I've no passion for alternative jobs either which makes me wonder what to do with my life.

Second problem with me is my social life. I'm 23 years old and have at most 6 people whom I could call friends. Some of these friends are abroad, some are in relationships, so I only actually see one or 2 of them at weekends. I know friends shouldn't be counted as a numbers game, but the sad fact is that if I was like half the people on my facebook friends list, I'd have something to do all the time. I find myself confined to my bedroom 6 days a week and it ain't much fun. It's hard to know how to change this though seeing as most people have forged lifelong friendships at this stage of life, and with more than a few people.

mikemac1

People put on facebook what they want the world to see.

You look at your "friends" and I type friends like that as most of them are not real friends you can rely on but anyway don't be so certain they lead amazing lives.

Skiing trips, holidays in South Africa, sessions at the weekends but that's all you see. They don't put up details of their boring nights in and nobody is out every night!
And few enough of us can afford multiple holidays every year.

titan18

You're exactly the same as me now. I could have that post word for word describing my life.

On the first point, I don't know, I'm also trying to figure out what to do. On the second point, though, I just deleted my Facebook account, been off it since February. I was feeling the exact same that I had no life and everyone else was having a great time, so whilst I still have no life, I'm not seeing what everyone else is doing from Facebook. I am looking at volunteering though, since it'd be something that would get me out of the house and maybe I could find something career wise in it that I like.

Post above is true too, no one puts into Facebook that they're sitting at home watching porn and browsing boards. They only put in the good things, so it tends to paint a better picture of their lives than what it actually is.

Naid23

Totally agree with whats said above, facebook isnt something you should take much notice of. I know people who sit in on a sat night but have posted saying theyre out doing amazing things- so dont believe everything you read.

Have you tried the boards meet ups? They are a good way to meet people and i think there is a lot of people in a similar situation who are looking to make new friends so why not give it a try

LegacyUser

Naid23 wrote: »

Totally agree with whats said above, facebook isnt something you should take much notice of. I know people who sit in on a sat night but have posted saying theyre out doing amazing things- so dont believe everything you read.

Have you tried the boards meet ups? They are a good way to meet people and i think there is a lot of people in a similar situation who are looking to make new friends so why not give it a try

I think people on facebook are a good measuring tool to assess the awfulness of my social life. For example, here are a few snippets from my news feed (whilst i'm stuck in the house on a day like today):

-Off to the park with the lads
-Brittas Bay today with the girls
-Off to go jet skiing

LegacyUser

go to meet ups Dublin online and you will find loads of different groups, there is nights out, cinema, outdoor activites, walks, something on everyday of the week and 100s of groups to choose from. and the people you will meet will become good friends I had the same problem and now ive made a group of great friend from joining this group , hope this helps

amacca

I'll chime in with my two cents for what they are worth

1) The first reply to your post was on the money imo - facebook isn't a reflection of real life at all its personal advertising and some people just love to pad their lives - in fact people do this kind of thing with or without a facebook account

a lot of it is of the "look at me, i'm terribly interesting and lead an exciting life with lots of people to see and things to do etc - oh look I'm off to somewhere exotic next month aren't I fantastic ilk - the irony being they could be unhappier than you or potentially become that way (bear with me whether you believe me or not on that point)

2) If your answer to the question why do you want this job is "for the money" then that does not make you in any way unusual - thats why I and I suspect a majority of others do jobs too - there is nothing wrong with you or anything to be ashamed of or worry about with this imho (in fact I tend to regard people that say they simply love what they are doing and find it so fulfilling etc with suspicion unless they have been involved with charity work for a long time or its creative and/or well paid or its some niche they are suited for that they love - but people like these are a minority - take heart from the fact that a majority of your fellow humans either hate what they do or find it tedious at some point and would be doing something else if they didn't have commitments or want to put food on the table)


3) None of the above really helps when you find yourself sitting on your own 6 days a week though because although there might be a lot of embellishment people do go out and have things to do etc (even though they might pretend to enjoy them an awful lot more than they do) so that leaves me with some advice to give which you can take or leave and please realise its only my opinion and may be incorrect


a) if you are beating yourself up or being critical because you think others are better than you or because you have no passion to work etc stop immediately that will only hold you back - realise its natural to feel this way, relax you arent the odd one out and that somehow the rest of the human race consists of a whole army of self satisfied shiny happy people, it does not they just like to pretend to make themselves feel better

b) passion for something comes when you find something you are truly passionate about so go search for it - keep an open mind and try lots of things, some things can be quite cheap to have a go at - the search itself can lead you to learn a lot about yourself you didn't know or give you something in your life that makes you want to get up out of bed for - some examples - dancing, amateur drama, 5 a side soccer, tag rugby, hiking, kayaking, cycling, running, public speaking etc etc - they all help to get you out of yourself and meet people and they will gradually get you out of a slump if you find something you enjoy and stick with it - this will be well worth it and if at first you don't succeed, try try again and again and again ad nauseum if necessary - having little projects like this on the boil and things to look forward to is one of the keys to being happier

c) Take work if you can get it even if it is only for the money - you will meet people (unfortunately maybe people you detest but you never know) use some of that money to join a group/class etc that may be of interest to you - something you may just have been slightly curious about - things grow from very small beginnings - some places give free taster sessions - attend them to see what its all about -

look even if you don't find a passion it will get you out of yourself and I firmly believe there will be a silver lining to the act of digging yourself out of a slump but ultimately you have to decide to go this thing on your own, you have to make the decision to get out there and do things for yourself - the sad truth is nobody can really do it for you - but when you do go and do it even if its only from tiny beginnings things snowball and before you know it you will be the one posting stuff on Facebook(should you feel the need to - ironically when you have a really active busy life you don't have much time for giving people constant updates on it nor do you feel the need much) because you will have a network of acquaintances maybe even one or two close friends if you are lucky and you will have so much stuff to potentially do you will start turning stuff down.

Good luck ...I believe I wasn't all that different from you in the past