Feel powerless

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am doing a Post grad degree and I have been given deadlines to hand in all my work but I can't seem to do so. I mean, I have the work done bar one paper but I haven't handed it in. I have received threatening emails from my professors but I still won't. If I don't, I will fail. I am effing up and I feel like I am watching all of this happen to someone else. I feel frozen. This is not the the first time this is happening to me and always I wait until the very end before stuff hits the fan and then get stuff done but this time around, stuff has already hit the fan and I just sit and watch.

I paid thousands of euro for this. I already have a massive student debt to repay. Why am I doing this? I don't get it. I wish it would all just go away. If I was on my own without anyone having any expectations of me, I really wouldn't mind. But my dad thinks I am the next messiah and he constantly emails me to tell me how proud he is of me and how smart I am etc. etc. and I just wish they would all hurry up and die (maybe not die since they like living but I just wish this reality in which they care for me was not) so I can stop living for them. So I can stop trying and just vegetate until I die. Or just stop living.


Really, what is the point? So what if I get a paper that says I am now qualified to do x, y, z? I am already qualified and the certificate doesn't really change that. I digress - the point is, I am worried because I am not sure how long I can keep this from them (the people who care that is) and I don't know how to get myself to finish the last paper and hand in the work.

I am not sure there's a question in here. I posted to get another perspective.

Lorna123

You must take responsibility for the current situation you are in now. You know what you have to do, so move forward. Right now you’ve given in to your fears. If you’re doing big things and pushing for your dreams, you are bound to encounter situations that scare you and make you feel uncomfortable. Remember that the extent to which we sometimes allow fear to rule our lives is truly startling and unnecessary. Especially when you consider one very important fact about fear: It’s a total figment of your imagination.

The biggest wall you must climb is the one you have built in your mind. If you don’t control your attitude, then it will control you. Negative feelings are like weeds; if you don’t fully extract their roots, they will keep coming back. So take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Don’t give up. You might not have everything you want right now, but you have everything you need to move forward. Life isn’t perfect, but it sure is good.

You’re still looking for the easy road. Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you. And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary success. Every struggle arises for a reason – for experience or a lesson. A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.

You need to let go and move on. Sometimes being strong and moving on are the only choices you have. The struggle forward is worth the effort

Dellnum

God man, get a grip. All you have to do is complete one paper and send it in and then you can relax. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. You will be thankful in the future if you just finish this course. It would be a terrible pity not to.

December2012

It seems like you're purposely sabotaging your qualification to prove a point to your dad.

Hand your finished work in.

Do what's needed to finish up the course.

Tell your dad you're not the next messiah and he's not to put you under so much pressure.

Admit to yourself that you are good, even if you're not the next messiah.

Maybe talk to a therapist to find out why you're getting in your own way and to develop strategies to stop.

boomchicawawa

Hi, thanks for sharing your situation. When you post something you only give part of the picture to us so we can only give a partial answer back without the full picture. You mention 3 people, you, your dad and your professor. All seem to be getting you down. You are perplexed by your own reaction to the situation, your dad and professor are putting pressure on you in different ways. Is there anyone else in your life who you can talk to about this, a partner, another sympathic family member, a good friend ? Have you shut yourself away too long and are nearing meltdown? Do you get out for walks, runs, fresh air ? Are you afraid of what the future holds once you have achieved your PHD?. You really need to talk all this through with a 'real person'. Have you considered talking to the professor, if they knew the situation, they could give you some good advice. They probably come across this more often than you think. A chat with your GP wouldn't go amiss either. To be honest talking about wanting people dead (even though I don't really think you mean that) is a bit extreme. I don't agree with previous posters who are telling you to just get a grip, I think you are past just being a little bit stressed and dramatic. So to sum up, my advice is (A) talk to someone close to you. (B) follow up with a GP visit and discuss your mental state. (C) Talk, don't ignore your professor (D) see if you can finish your work, but before you get your results take time out and work out what you really want from your future. (E) Then talk to your dad honestly,maybe he senses your lack of faith in yourself and thinks that positive emails will chivvy you along. I wish you all the best and I hope you get through this soon.