Strange comments from ex

den87

Just looking for a bit of advice/knowledge on a situation.

Heres the backstory- me and ex work together. Were going out for 5yrs, broke up 2yrs ago. Said she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore but I knew she fell out of love with me. I took it hard. She started going out with a guy 6 months after we broke up they're still together. Things are ok now between us, civil, friendly but nothing more than work colleagues basically.

Here's my problem, every and then she'll pass a comment in work like "oh remember how we did this when we went there" or something along those lines and it really gets to me like you broke up with me why do you keep bringing stuff up about when we were together???

Latest example was she is just back from hols with her bf and today she was like "oh remember when we were there and this happened" it really annoys me.

Is this normal? Is she getting at something or is it just me being petty.

Thanks for reading.

ABajaninCork

I'd just ignore her as far as I'm able to. Not sure why she's coming out with this TBH, but I reckon it's a childish attempt to make you jealous.

Next time she says it, say something like 'Yeah, I remember. So?' and leave it at that.

Lorna123

The way I interpret it is that she is just trying to have a conversation with you about something you both did together. I would not read anything more into it except that she is trying to be friendly. She probably feels that you are both long over one another and doesn't realize that it annoys you. She doesn't need to be saying this stuff though so just don't reply to it and leave her hanging.

Big Bag of Chips

It seems she now thinks you are well and truly in "the friend zone", so feels comfortable bringing up stuff you did. Same way as you may chat to an old school friend or work colleague about things you did.

If it bothers you let her know. You can either do it by directly telling her, or by almost ignoring the comment when she makes it.. she'll get the message.

I wouldn't look too deep into it, or try to find ulterior motives. I think she's just making conversation with a 'friend'.

clairefontaine

When people start down memory lane with me for no relevant reason it's either because we have nothing in common but the past or because its not actually about the past, but the present.

By past I mean anything more than three months ago.

Stench Blossoms

She probably doesn't know that this bothers you. I'd either tell her out straight (which might cause some friction) or just don't respond when she says things like that.

December2012

It all depends on what she's saying.

If its "i recently went to that restaurant that we went to before OP, it's gone so downhill" then it's just chit chat.

If its "I recently went to that nightclub that we went to, do you remember OP? The one where you nearly weren't let in because of your shoes and that guy was flirting with me all night? / you were so drunk you got chucked out?" Then it's petty.

If its "I was at the hotel we stayed in before, it wasn't the same being there without you" then it's a whole different ball game.

den87

Thanks for all the advice. In response to some of the queries-its more along the lines of "Remember we were at this place and you did this and then we did that after hahaha" if that makes sense. It could just be me being petty.

judgefudge

I agree that she's probably just trying to be friendly. She probably just has a lot of fond memories of your time together and thinks you've reached a stage in your friendship where you can reminisce about them!

wallycharlo

den87 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice. In response to some of the queries-its more along the lines of "Remember we were at this place and you did this and then we did that after hahaha" if that makes sense. It could just be me being petty.

Sounds like she is just tactless rather than being malicious.

Lorna123

den87 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice. In response to some of the queries-its more along the lines of "Remember we were at this place and you did this and then we did that after hahaha" if that makes sense. It could just be me being petty.

This woman clearly knows that you had a hard time when you both split up so it is a bit insensitive of her to rub it in your face now. Do not rise to the bait, just look at her and say nothing. That is the best course of action. It is quite understandable that you would be sensitive about it whereas it means nothing to her. As Wallycharlo said she is just being tactless. Cut her dead and she might cop on to her indiscretions.

Unsurewhattodo

You were together for five years, you possibly had a lot in common and she probably cared very much for you even if it didn't work out. Perhaps she thinks that after two years it might be possible for you both to develop a friendship now that you're both over the break-up. If that's not something you want then don't engage in her trips down memory lane and she'll eventually get the message.

ShaShaBear

Five years is a large part of someone's life to share with someone else. Chances are she has a lot of memories with you, and I (personally) would find it more hurtful if she just pretended they never happened. If she is walking up to you out of the blue and speaking to you about stuff like this, then it is inappropriate. But if say another colleague is talking about a restaurant they are booked into, and she says "Oh remember when you and I went there and there was a spider in the salad and you had to carry me out I was so shaken", then its a simple and harmless case of her being reminded of something that the two of you did together and sharing that memory.

If it really bothers you that much, ignore her and cut her loose, or simply take her to one side and tell her it bothers you.