Present when not attending a wedding

shamrock2013

Hi everyone,

Need your thoughts on giving a small gift when you cannot attend a wedding.

The background is that it was a surprise invite as although we were best friends in School and College we wouldn't really have seen each other over the past 4 or 5 years. I was invited on my own as she would not know that I am with my other half for the past 3+ years. I thought the invite was a nice gesture from an old friend but have other commitments that weekend and can't attend.

My other half suggested putting a voucher -maybe Debenhams/One for all/Meal- for €75 in a nice card along with the RSVP. Money is a bit tight for us at the minute but does this look a bit cheap from an old friend?

Lastly, a work colleague suggested that I only sign the congratulations card from myself& omit my partners name. I see her point-that the Bride& Groom might think I'm not going as OH is not invited- which is not the case. But the money will be from both of us as its from our joint account so what would you folks advise?

Thanks.

drunkmonkey

I'd say a phone call and a chat to wish them well would be as good as any present.

shamrock2013

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I'd say a phone call and a chat to wish them well would be as good as any present.

Thanks for that. I thought about ringing as it is a bit more personal but I don't think I have her number-just the RSVP address on the invite.

clint_silver

shamrock2013 wrote: »

Thanks for that. I thought about ringing as it is a bit more personal but I don't think I have her number-just the RSVP address on the invite.

Do you think you could find the number for less than 75e?

ck83

I had a similar situation recently, couldn't go to the wedding of a friend I don't see too much. I intend to give her a €50 one for all. Sounds like I'm friendlier with her than you would be with your friend- so you could also pick up a gift- photo frame or something that would be a bit more economical. TBH I don't think people expect anything if you don't attend, but if I'm invited to a full wedding, I always give something

eviltwin

Doesn't sound like much of a friendship if she doesn't know you have had a partner for the past 3 years.

Tbh I would give a bottle of champagne or something with my RSVP, did that before for a wedding I couldn't go to when I was short on cash.

shamrock2013

clint_silver wrote: »

Do you think you could find the number for less than 75e?

Point taken on that I don't know where I would find her number as we had/have no common friends but I might be passing through the area in a few weeks so might pop into the RSVP address- presuming it is their home???- to drop off a card& bottle of Champagne as eviltwin suggested.

ck83 wrote: »

I had a similar situation recently, couldn't go to the wedding of a friend I don't see too much. I intend to give her a €50 one for all. Sounds like I'm friendlier with her than you would be with your friend- so you could also pick up a gift- photo frame or something that would be a bit more economical. TBH I don't think people expect anything if you don't attend, but if I'm invited to a full wedding, I always give something

I- like you-always give a little gift if I can't attend just to acknowledge the day. I think the One For All are handy vouchers as it gives people a lot of choice and I'm a bit adverse to just giving cash. Though that probably sounds very old fashioned. Thanks for the idea of the photo frame too

eviltwin wrote: »

Doesn't sound like much of a friendship if she doesn't know you have had a partner for the past 3 years.

Tbh I would give a bottle of champagne or something with my RSVP, did that before for a wedding I couldn't go to when I was short on cash.

Yea the friendship is long gone in any real sense of that word. There is no hard feelings though, we never fell out and more just drifted apart as we got older. I think she probably invited me for old times sake. The Champagne is another good (&cheaper)idea for a small token as opposed to money. Thanks.

tinkerbell

All you need to do is send back the RSVP saying thank you for invite, wish you well on the day, etc. If you want to do a nice gesture, send them a congrats card the day before the wedding - no need for a present as you're not close friends anymore and you're not even going to the wedding.

Gatica

you don't have to send a gift but it's very nice of you to give them bottle of Champagne. I'm sure they'd appreciate the gesture.

missgroovy21

If you arent attending the wedding 75e is alot to just hand to someone you havent seen in a very long time. Id tell ur partner to keep his money buy a token gift yourself like a 30e voucher or a bottle of champagne or if you know where she lives/works just send her a bunch of flowers saying thank you for the invite sorry i cant attend i wish you all the best.