I feel so lonely

LegacyUser

I've gone anonymous for this. I don't even see how typing this out is going to make me feel better but I have nobody else to talk to.

I'm in my twenties and I'm in a relationship, very happy with my partner, and we have a lovely home and a good family.
My problem is that I'm lonely.
I don't have any friends. I haven't had any friends since I was a teenager and I think I'm always going to be this way.

I'm actually incredibly strong, emotionally, and can analyse my emotions and pick myself up; I know not to dwell on things too much and that I'm quite good at being a positive person.
I like my own company which is just as well as I don't have the opportunity to go anywhere. My partner is always suggesting days out but I have no interest.
I don't work but I am actively looking for a job.

Having no friends is an embarrassing admission for me. I am close to my parents but I know they know I have no friends.
I don't go out very much to the pub or anything and when I do, it's with my partner or my parents and I get envious when I see girls out and about with their mates.
I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I do class myself as a loyal, trustworthy person and I feel I would be a really good friend to someone.

I'm friendly and bubbly and I'm always smiling and in good form. I'm rarely seen to be in bad form and if I feel down, I'm very good at putting a front on it.
I have had depression twice before and I don't feel I'm depressed now but I just feel that I really should have at least one friend.

I know people will say "You'll meet friends when you find work" but I don't know. I'm sure most people in their twenties/thirties would already have found their inner circle and I'd also be embarrassed if I DID befriend someone and they realised I had no other mates.

I'm sorry to be ranting like this; like I said, I don't see how this is going to solve anything, but I needed to talk to someone and I genuinely have nobody in my phone I can text or call.

RossFixxxed

Hey OP. Well on the good front you have a lot of things about YOU sorted out, that's a really good thing and it will really help. I know this is corny beyond belief but have you joined any groups that you have an interest in?

You say you have no interest in things your parnter suggests, why is that? What ARE you interested in? What makes you really passionate? There is no easier way to get to know people than to share an interest! Get me talking about guitar or mountains and get ready to hear non stop blather!!

There is nothing to be embarrassed about and I'm sure if you get talking to people many others are in that bubble of just living / hanging out with their partner. It happens easily. Don't let it be the thing that holds you back from fixing it!

If you aren't proactive, then you'll never get out there and meet people.

Find something you are into and get out there and do it!

December2012

Hi OP,

It's ok to not have friends sometimes because it doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with the person. Eg emigration, different interests, growing up.

So people won't judge you or think you're weird. I mean I bet you had friends in school / college. You're just not in touch with them now.

You have a personality that attracts people otherwise you wouldn't have a partner.

Would you consider doing an internship or volunteer work in something you're interested in? A political cause? A local group? Singing / dancing etcetera?

Try things that you're interested in. If you don't know what you're interested in, start small.

shinesun

Hey there, hope your doing ok.
Send me a pm if you ever want to chat. Boards is just as good as any place to meet new people

Naid23

December is right, alot of my friends are now abroad or just lost contact with them.
If your in Dublin, feel free to give me a shout if you wanna meet up for a coffee/ walk and a chat.

Chucky the tree

The issue certainly won't solve itself when you do nothing about it. It seems like you are just in a cirlce of being unhappy with having no friend, but not willing to do anything to change it. Friends just won't suddenly appear at your door, or in your phonebook. You have to make an effort to find some, otherwise you'll just be in a constant mode of unhappiness.

afterglow

Hi OP

I echo what the others have said about boards, no better place to meet people. Everyone is always so friendly and helpful. Have you considered joining the ladies lounge on here? There's some meet ups that take place from there so that could be a good place to meet people.
I sometimes go through bouts of what you are going through now. Thinking I have no friends, I must be boring if nobody wants to hang out with me etc. I have found the best way to get socialising is to do as someone else said, join a group of people with similar interests, you can find groups on every possible interest on meetup.com.
Also I would echo what some of the others have said, feel free to pm anytime and we could meet for a coffee. I love a coffee and a chat and any excuse to drink coffee is always welcome
Keep your chin up OP, things can and will absolutely look up for you if only you'll take just 1 step towards making it happen.

iusedtoknow

We both felt the same way.

We moved to the US where we knew NOBODY except from 1 person on my new team, and he lives 70 miles away.
It is hard to meet new people, however we are trying and it is starting to pay off

1) Neighbours: we got chatting with some of our neighbours - we now have informal cat sitting arrangements with some, another one found out I liked brewing my own beer, she introduced me to a friend of hers that did the same thing...we are now pretty close to friends.
The other day was really hot here in SF, we went to our apartment complexes pool, ended up chatting and sharing wine with some others that were down there. Not friends, but at least social and we now know each other and shoot the breeze (and ended up in the same bar watching the football together)

2) Volunteering: my wife loves animals, but she also has a really busy schedule as she has just passed her CA medical exams and is now starting to work as a doctor. However, before she was able to work - she volunteered at an animal shelter, she met some great people - people she still talks to and meets up with and has started to cultivate friendships with.

3) meetup.com: yes, it goes against the grain to put yourself out there like that, but meetup is for people that want to meet other people with similar interests who also want to meet people with similar interests.
When we moved here, we joined a Barcelona FC meetup group and would meetup with a few Catalans and Americans to watch the weekend FCB matches. I still end up meeting them outside of barça matches for a coffee etc as we work around the same area.

It takes time, but you're going to have to put yourself out there and meet people, eventually it will get easier!

Neyite

shinesun wrote: »

Hey there, hope your doing ok.
Send me a pm if you ever want to chat. Boards is just as good as any place to meet new people

Shinesun & afterflow, welcome to PI. Please read the Charter before posting again. Its not permitted on this forum to ask the OP to PM you.

MonkeyLover93

Hi Guest, firstly good on you for talking about this on boards, my situation is very similar to yours. Im 20 and also in a happy relationship for the last 3 and a half years. But have no friends at all, no one to just go for a walk with, meet up for a cup of coffee, go to the pub or well anything. And haven't had friends since secondary school. Im probably too dependent on my boyfriend who is the only person i can do anything with but i want a life of my own and he really wants that too. I sit around most of the time doing nothing, been searching for a job just to fill my time. I see you are only on a guest account but please send me a private message on this. I would love to just talk to someone who experiences the same things as me.

Neyite

MonkeyLover93 wrote: »

Hi Guest, firstly good on you for talking about this on boards, my situation is very similar to yours. Im 20 and also in a happy relationship for the last 3 and a half years. But have no friends at all, no one to just go for a walk with, meet up for a cup of coffee, go to the pub or well anything. And haven't had friends since secondary school. Im probably too dependent on my boyfriend who is the only person i can do anything with but i want a life of my own and he really wants that too. I sit around most of the time doing nothing, been searching for a job just to fill my time. I see you are only on a guest account but please send me a private message on this. I would love to just talk to someone who experiences the same things as me.

MonkeyLover93, Welcome to PI and welcome to Boards. please take the time to read the Charter. Asking posters to private message you in this forum is forbidden.