girl likes me but nasty rumours about me

LegacyUser

there is a girl i am getting close to however i have heard nasty rumours about me(the worst thing you can say about someone) the girl has a family and i am worried that if we go out she will this back and freak out. what should i do just leave it?

ShaShaBear

worried...,.. wrote: »

there is a girl i am getting close to however i have heard nasty rumours about me(the worst thing you can say about someone) the girl has a family and i am worried that if we go out she will this back and freak out. what should i do just leave it?

If it's not true, why worry?

ShaShaBear

ShaShaBear wrote: »

If it's not true, why worry?

Because she hardly knows him to know if it's true or not and people will believe rumours?

Maybe you should mention it to her in advance or something, OP

daddyorchips

worried...,.. wrote: »

there is a girl i am getting close to however i have heard nasty rumours about me(the worst thing you can say about someone) the girl has a family and i am worried that if we go out she will this back and freak out. what should i do just leave it?

if she believes it what's the point in going out with her in the first place after you have told her in the first place

hoodwinked

i would be 100% honest with her and tell her before she hears the rumours,

i did that with my husband when we first met, i was 100% honest with him about my dodgy past and nasty rumours relating to it, and when he heard said rumours he knew what to expect and wasn't fazed by them as he knew the truth and corrected those who talked to him...

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

Because she hardly knows him to know if it's true or not and people will believe rumours?

Maybe you should mention it to her in advance or something, OP

actually i know her well enough through other ways but already it makes me uneasy ive been in a situation where she left me in her house. it happened to me before with another i was friendly with who completely stopped speaking( but she had also developed a grudge against my entire family so i dont know)

its not the sort of thing you say is it?

gerryd2

Mate I've had nasty rumors spread about me in the past too due to falling out with others and yeah it does get you down at times especially when you meet new people and they start looking at you differently. But ya know what if the rumors ain't true then remember that and if people want to believe in the rumors then cool, let them. No love lost and no love found. I know it's easier said than done but I've found that when you let rumors get you down then that's when people start to believe in them even though if you did the said rumors you would probably have a lil more dignity when having to deal with them.

If this woman wants to be with you then stupid rumors shouldn't stop her. This is Ireland, everyday I hear something said about someone by others. Most decent people don't feed into that BS

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies was in a situation recently where someone alluded to these rumours inm company and didnt really know what to say. how do i deal with this?

ziedth

Can you give a slight ball park what kind of rumors we are talking about? If it was something like being a thief I guess you could try and laugh it off with a "ya sure don't they say I'd Rob ya blind so watch out" or something to that effect.

Something allot more serious along the rape/assault lines I think I'd have to ignore it. The more you react the worse you'd probably look, it's hard to know.

LegacyUser

ziedth wrote: »

Can you give a slight ball park what kind of rumors we are talking about? If it was something like being a thief I guess you could try and laugh it off with a "ya sure don't they say I'd Rob ya blind so watch out" or something to that effect.

Something allot more serious along the rape/assault lines I think I'd have to ignore it. The more you react the worse you'd probably look, it's hard to know.

the rumours are to the effect that im a paedophile

LegacyUser

please i need help with this one. people are suddenly ignoring me

Taltos

OK OP - that is a serious rumour and not one you should hide away from.

The best thing you can do in my opinion is to make an appointment with a solicitor and to get legal advice.
You might need to take action against anyone and everyone who has said this of you.

Would also suggest that you go immediately to HR with this information - but maybe wait to see what legal advice you get first.
Personally if anyone had even hinted that at me in work I would have frog marched them to my manager and HR and demanded that they take action immediately. - but that is just me.

Don't let this one slide, if you do you will be then seen as admitting guilt - tackle it head on. Bullying etc is not acceptable but in this case due to how serious those rumours are you really do need to get legal direction asap.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

OK OP - that is a serious rumour and not one you should hide away from.

The best thing you can do in my opinion is to make an appointment with a solicitor and to get legal advice.
You might need to take action against anyone and everyone who has said this of you.

Would also suggest that you go immediately to HR with this information - but maybe wait to see what legal advice you get first.
Personally if anyone had even hinted that at me in work I would have frog marched them to my manager and HR and demanded that they take action immediately. - but that is just me.

Don't let this one slide, if you do you will be then seen as admitting guilt - tackle it head on. Bullying etc is not acceptable but in this case due to how serious those rumours are you really do need to get legal direction asap.

its nothing to do with work it was a social situation someone was describing a padeophile and the description matched me. people then looked around at me. suddenly people arent answering their phone to me. was i wrong to get involved with this girl?( we werent even involved but it was going that way)

Faith

How did you react when it first happened?

You have to tackle it head on. Like Taltos said, it's a serious rumour that won't die by itself. You need to be very vocal and ensure you make it completely crystal clear that you are not the person in question. In addition, I'd take the girl you like aside and explain everything to her, calmly and rationally.

LegacyUser

its always whispers stuff i overhear. but recently when i was drunk a complete stranger started shouting it at me. i have never been able to defend myself but this is bad

Forever Hopeful

.....op here....,... wrote: »

its always whispers stuff i overhear. but recently when i was drunk a complete stranger started shouting it at me. i have never been able to defend myself but this is bad

Op,
I cannot make head nor tail of what your issue is. It started out as 'Girl likes me but nasty rumours about me'. That sends a message that a girl is into you and posters here are guessing that its something minor.
After a few posts you reveal this vile rumour, what's the girl got to do with it? Any reasonable person upon hearing someone say this would go ape$hit and stand up for themselves. That in itself is WAY more serious than a girl liking you? Isn't it? It would make more sense if you were looking for advice for dealing with this disgusting rumour!
Now you are saying that you can't defend yourself? Why? I'm sorry, I can't believe that you cannot stand up for yourself on something as horrific as this. Why can't you defend yourself? C'mon, all this is (if you are genuine) is way too serious, hideous and downright awful to be posting on a public forum. Get professional help or go to the guards.
This is too creepy.

LegacyUser

the rumours have been around for years. when i ask ppeople what they mean they go quiet. or think i dont pick up on it. i also have unrelated problems of confidence and standing up for myself. in fact i have on occasion let people walk all over me and said nothing. i tend to bottle things up and take things personal. i get counselling(unrelated) but it has never really worked. i am hypervigilant and tend to notice these things been hinted at.

gerryd2

I know what its like to have nasty rumors spread and when you do hear them my reaction was either to laugh them off or more seriously go ape crazy on the bad ones. I don't know what to make of this either like the poster above. Go to the guards. If they are not true and you've no conviction they should be able to help. Just try get someone to back up what this person said although from my experience that's easier said than done.

LegacyUser

gerryd2 wrote: »

I know what its like to have nasty rumors spread and when you do hear them my reaction was either to laugh them off or more seriously go ape crazy on the bad ones. I don't know what to make of this either like the poster above. Go to the guards. If they are not true and you've no conviction they should be able to help. Just try get someone to back up what this person said although from my experience that's easier said than done.

ok i suppose i did post it wierdly but the rumours have been there a while and have never been said directly to me. it already was an but it became i didnt know what to do when this girl took an interest in me

LegacyUser

also i have never been on to deal with things i always bury my head in the sand. i have never been able to open up about things maybe that is or isnt relative

Forever Hopeful

Just out of curiousity, how old are you OP? I get the impression you are young and these jerks who you think are spreading rumours are young too. A lot of kids are using horrible derogitory terms like that to be insulting which is shocking to me. Could it be that? They are just being childish?

LegacyUser

Forever Hopeful wrote: »

Just out of curiousity, how old are you OP? I get the impression you are young and these jerks who you think are spreading rumours are young too. A lot of kids are using horrible derogitory terms like that to be insulting which is shocking to me. Could it be that? They are just being childish?

no we arent young. i have eposted on her before about this issue ages ago which is why i approached like that this time

Big Bag of Chips

So what advice are you looking for, OP? You posted before. What were you told then? Did you follow any of the advice? If not, why are you back with the same issue, asking for advice that you are not going to follow?

Your only option, if you want this to stop is to speak to the people making the allegations. Tell them you know what they are saying and you are taking legal advice on how best to deal with them. Then speak to a solicitor, or maybe go and have a chat with the community garda.

If you like the girl that likes you, then go for it. If she hasn't heard any rumours I wouldn't bother bringing it up. If she has heard rumours, she obviously doesn't believe them.

gerryd2

Its the rumors that have some truth behind them that effect someone the most. For me it was things related to what my father did that I still have trouble dealing with now. But as I said before, if they are not true about you then get legal advice and flip everyone who believes them. You don't need people like that in your life. As for the girl, how do you know she even likes you. Has she told you. You could be wrecking your head over nothing.

worried__

ok this issue is still going the problem is that none of the stuff is every said directly. its all hints and sniggers. recently i lost my temper with someone who had a spite against me (her ex) started saying and i lost my temper. however this made me look worse and played into his hands.

i dont really know what im supposed to do when these things are said? sit there and say nothing? they are always very covert.

ShaShaBear

worried__ wrote: »

ok this issue is still going the problem is that none of the stuff is every said directly. its all hints and sniggers. recently i lost my temper with someone who had a spite against me (her ex) started saying and i lost my temper. however this made me look worse and played into his hands.

i dont really know what im supposed to do when these things are said? sit there and say nothing? they are always very covert.

You've already been told what to do. Countless times. Engage a solicitor and take legal action against people, and talk to the guards. Coming on here will do nothing for you. I simply can't understand why people would just randomly start suggesting and hinting to you and others that you are a paedophile. It usually starts with someone malicious that holds a grudge, or it stems from some form of truth which is either maintained or spiralled out of control. Regardless of which, it is a ghastly accusation to make with no bearing, and you need to seek legal advice instead of letting people talk.

worried__

ShaShaBear wrote: »

You've already been told what to do. Countless times. Engage a solicitor and take legal action against people, and talk to the guards. Coming on here will do nothing for you. I simply can't understand why people would just randomly start suggesting and hinting to you and others that you are a paedophile. It usually starts with someone malicious that holds a grudge, or it stems from some form of truth which is either maintained or spiralled out of control. Regardless of which, it is a ghastly accusation to make with no bearing, and you need to seek legal advice instead of letting people talk.

yes but nothing is ever said direct. its all stuff thaty seems innocent out of context. for example im in a flat and a pink floyd song comes on someone turns around to me and sings the words 'leave those kids alone'. or its big long conversations about paedophilia or people being a bit iffy about me using their internet. i could give more examples.

Forever Hopeful

worried__ wrote: »

yes but nothing is ever said direct. its all stuff thaty seems innocent out of context. for example im in a flat and a pink floyd song comes on someone turns around to me and sings the words 'leave those kids alone'. or its big long conversations about paedophilia or people being a bit iffy about me using their internet. i could give more examples.

Op,
My previous advice still stands. No one here can help you with this. There has been the same advice given over and over.
I'm sorry but I really find it hard to believe those blatant examples given. I really hope this isn't a sick joke.
I don't care if I get a ban for this but this is way too controversial and you need help.

dellas1979

Not really getting the jist of this...I dont think you are articulating/getting the whole picture across.

The person who was originally telling the story (when everyone turned around), who are they (to you)? And what did they say exactly (that you think/people think it was directed at you)?

Also, the guy shouting at you, what did he say?

worried__

Forever Hopeful wrote: »

Op,
My previous advice still stands. No one here can help you with this. There has been the same advice given over and over.
I'm sorry but I really find it hard to believe those blatant examples given. I really hope this isn't a sick joke.
I don't care if I get a ban for this but this is way too controversial and you need help.

blatant how? this isnt a sick joke. i recently got angry with someone but he made it seem as if i got angry for no reason and it was just an innocent comment. my friend(who was their) said i was playing into his hands. i could explain the way he said it at the time and the way he explained it after if you want.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, the time has come to close this thread. You have been given lots of advice. If someone hints at something in your presence, all you can do is ask them directly, no need for confrontation, what they mean by that. Even if nothing is directly being said, you can go to your local Garda station and ask to speak to the community Garda, who might be able to help you out.

As you don't seem to want to take any advice offered, this thread doesn't seem to be serving any purpose for you, we have no choice but to lock it.