why judge somebody on where they live?

burgermasters

As the title reads,

I am sick and tired of being judged on where I live, it happens daily in work or social places? A lot more these days I even have close friends doing it assuming the school i send my kids to is free and they get books for free also? Thing is I work hard pay for everything like everyone else in think it's the fact that I live in a council housing estate? It's really starting to annoy me with my friends though not sure they are trying to put me down but fact is they are and I don't have the heart to say anything because I treasure there friendship but at the same time weather they mean to or not they are in fact putting me my wife and my kids down with these comments?? Any advice would be welcomed guys?

mikemac1

burgermasters wrote: »

I even have close friends doing it assuming the school i send my kids to is free

Strange. Pretty much every school in Ireland is like this.

Fee paying schools are the exception, not the other way around.

burgermasters

mikemac1 wrote: »

Strange. Pretty much every school in Ireland is like this.

Fee paying schools are the exception, not the other way around.

My children don't attend private school? But there are expensive fee's and and then buying books uniforms and the likes, thing is that it is assumed for god knows what reason that I get the lot for free??

will.i.am

Well in my experience you nearly always have to pay for uniforms. But remember Dunnes and Tesco etc have great offers on these so you might be able to save money there than buying the branded item. Have you applied for the back to school clothing and footwear allowance?
As for the books. Have you asked the school do they have a book rental scheme? A lot of schools do this to help families that might need it. You can simple go to the principal and ask and it is all done very discreetly and they'll be no embarrassment for the children if they do get them.
As for your friends don't worry about them but if they are always saying comments to you that are hurting you they might not be your best friends if they are hurting you or being nasty to you!

burgermasters

will.i.am wrote: »

Well in my experience you nearly always have to pay for uniforms. But remember Dunnes and Tesco etc have great offers on these so you might be able to save money there than buying the branded item. Have you applied for the back to school clothing and footwear allowance?
As for the books. Have you asked the school do they have a book rental scheme? A lot of schools do this to help families that might need it. You can simple go to the principal and ask and it is all done very discreetly and they'll be no embarrassment for the children if they do get them.
As for your friends don't worry about them but if they are always saying comments to you that are hurting you they might not be your best friends if they are hurting you or being nasty to you!

Thank you, I don't qualify for any allowances or anything which is ok with me to be honest because I have no issue with investing in my kids education in any way, I buy the books and the uninforme is branded with the school crest and the like, though that's not the issue that bothers me? It's more being judged on where I live and where my kids go to school? Great school by the way, many famous and political figures have passed through it doors over the years, the area I live in is not exactly heaven but I love it i have great people living beside and around me? It just has a bad name and since I moved in three years ago I have found people judge me about it friends also with snobby judgmental comments?
No need for such snobbery these days is there really?

Meauldsegosha

burgermasters wrote: »

As the title reads,

I am sick and tired of being judged on where I live, it happens daily in work or social places? A lot more these days I even have close friends doing it assuming the school i send my kids to is free and they get books for free also? Thing is I work hard pay for everything like everyone else in think it's the fact that I live in a council housing estate? It's really starting to annoy me with my friends though not sure they are trying to put me down but fact is they are and I don't have the heart to say anything because I treasure there friendship but at the same time weather they mean to or not they are in fact putting me my wife and my kids down with these comments?? Any advice would be welcomed guys?

Why would you treasure their friendship if they are continually insulting you and putting you down? On the other hand if they are such good friends why can't you say something to them?

burgermasters

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Why would you treasure their friendship if they are continually insulting you and putting you down? On the other hand if they are such good friends why can't you say something to them?

Because they have been good friends for so long and don't want to lose them as friends? Afraid to say something if it gets out of hand and turns into a massive row?

Meauldsegosha

burgermasters wrote: »

Because they have been good friends for so long and don't want to lose them as friends? Afraid to say something if it gets out of hand and turns into a massive row?

But if it is something that is upsetting you, you should be able to say it to them.

CommanderC

People who behave like that are shallow morons. Their opinions should not factor into your life in any way.

burgermasters

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

But if it is something that is upsetting you, you should be able to say it to them.

I agree with you, I just really am afraid I will offend them though, but it does need to be said to them just don't know how to go about it? Kind of makes me feel like a lower class of person when they do it if that makes sense? I also am not sure if they mean to make me feel that way ye know? One of them got me through a really hard period in my life a few years back so I'm just not sure how to go about it?

Corvo Attano

It wont offend them. You arnt saying anything insulting. Just say tht the jokes are getting offensive and its not a joke anymore. If they are friends then they will stop. Chances are that they dont know you feel this way and they really shouldnt mind you telling them.


As for other people just hold your head high. If anyone says anything just inform them that you are as self sufficent as they are. Dont get angry. Its just that everyday people hear stories about those who get their houses and school fees, heating, pets, travel, food, ect payed for them and those people tend to live in council estates.

burgermasters

Corvo Attano wrote: »

It wont offend them. You arnt saying anything insulting. Just say tht the jokes are getting offensive and its not a joke anymore. If they are friends then they will stop. Chances are that they dont know you feel this way and they really shouldnt mind you telling them.


As for other people just hold your head high. If anyone says anything just inform them that you are as self sufficent as they are. Dont get angry. Its just that everyday people hear stories about those who get their houses and school fees, heating, pets, travel, food, ect payed for them and those people tend to live in council estates.

First of all thank you for your kind words

Secondly, that is exactly it in a nutshell its a stigma that is being put on me and many others I would imagine to be honest? I find it unfair and in a way snobby? You are all right in all you say thank you

Just going to have to say something to them and if they are really my friends then they will understand what I am saying and how I feel? If not then they were never friends at all. Thank you all for the advice.

Corvo Attano

Even if they wernt you arnt doing anything to offend them in the slightest and by saying youre getting offended the most thing that will happen is they say they only ment it as a joke and will stop.

The stigma probably does affect alot of people. We have grown bitter since the government seems to afraid to tackle the system abusers. And rightly so. Its not right for us to pay for people to live a live more luxurious than most. But it also isnt right to tar everyone with the one brush and once you make it clear you arnt a system abuser people should have no problem.

burgermasters

Corvo Attano wrote: »

Even if they wernt you arnt doing anything to offend them in the slightest and by saying youre getting offended the most thing that will happen is they say they only ment it as a joke and will stop.

The stigma probably does affect alot of people. We have grown bitter since the government seems to afraid to tackle the system abusers. And rightly so. Its not right for us to pay for people to live a live more luxurious than most. But it also isnt right to tar everyone with the one brush and once you make it clear you arnt a system abuser people should have no problem.

Your dead right, it's just sad to have to actually say and show i am not an abuser of the system, although these days you might get more respect if you are.

Corvo Attano

burgermasters wrote: »

Your dead right, it's just sad to have to actually say and show i am not an abuser of the system, although these days you might get more respect if you are.

Yea it is sad to say but I can say one thing with certainty.

Nobody respects a system abuser. If you were to brag about it I have no doubt you would end up with a serious beating.
People say that they may be better off doing it but they show no respect to those that do it.

Giblet

burgermasters wrote: »

I agree with you, I just really am afraid I will offend them though, but it does need to be said to them just don't know how to go about it? Kind of makes me feel like a lower class of person when they do it if that makes sense? I also am not sure if they mean to make me feel that way ye know? One of them got me through a really hard period in my life a few years back so I'm just not sure how to go about it?

They're not afraid of offending you. I find we have a "Ah I'm only messing" culture in Ireland. It's used as a license to say whatever you want with impunity.

daisybelle2008

OP, there is a saying that goes 'nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent'.
This also means that to some degree you believe or put stock in to what is being said, that is why it touches a nerve. Is it really that frequent or bad as you have convinced yourself? Your friends sound genuine and it could be banter and ball hopping. The reason it might be affecting you is that at some level you do feel inferior, when you have no need to.

will.i.am

Hi OP!
By the sounds of it OP you seem happy with your neighbors and they seem like hard working people who might not have the best address in the world. But does this matter no it doesn't. If your a good honest person your address means nothing. A horrible nasty drug lord could live in an expensive suburb and his neighbors would think highly of him because he's living in a good area and these are the sort of people who would look down on somebody who would come from a less well off area. By the sounds of it OP you seem to get on with your neighbors and OP in a few years time you'll probably be calling these people your true friends.

ShaShaBear

I have one particular family member who we no longer associate with who used to love rubbing it into my mother's nose that we lived in a council house in a rubbish estate. She seemed to think she was more hoity-toity because she had a mortgage on her house. When the secret came out that she was up to her eyeballs in secret debt, had re-mortgaged her house to decorate (for keeping up appearances) and that her husband had been "cooking the books" for his business, she quickly changed her tune. My mother never looked down on her or said anything about it.

She got the council house when her and my dad moved home from England just three years after they got married. They went from living in a bedsit to a three-bedroom house with a big garden, and since my dad was a carpenter (and later a jack-of-all) the house was always in good condition. My parents raised me and my two siblings in that house. Almost every good memory I have is of that place, of the cheap plastic sheet and DIY store hose that my dad used to make our water slide, of the cooking we used to do in our kitchen with mum (it was so tiny and we kept getting in our way, but she smartly got us to help to make it easier on her), of my first dog - who now lives with me in my partner's house. It's also where we had my father's wake two years ago, and is where my mother still lives. It has always been, and will always be my home - and that would apply nomatter where it was! I dare anyone find a richer environment to live in!

BerryBlue

I think when anyone judges you or views you differently after they've found out the area your from or living in, tends to say more about who they are rather than who you are. Its in some peoples nature to want to feel superior or 'better than' others and can take a tiny speck of information about you and use it to boost their own ego. So in future when someone says something like 'oh, your from there' - its usually exactly how its implied, just try to remember that its showing a flaw in their character, because its very shallow to 'assume' things about a person based on where they live.

In regards to your friends, what kind of comments to they make? If they're good friends, I doubt they are doing it to intentionally aggravate you, or hurt you (in saying that, people are weird and can be covertly aggressive for some form of personal satisfaction). The best thing is to say it - make yourself bring it up, or have a response ready for the next time they say something. You can always find the right words that are neither offensive to them, or you being defensive - find some neutral words to explain how you feel, or ask them why they think that?

EvanCornwallis

You should feel sorry for them. People only put down others, because they are insecure with themselves and their lives. Having a lot of money is nice, but once someone is happy and so are their family, they shouldn't care what others say.

December2012

How often are your "friends" making comments? This should not be something you hear every day?

LegacyUser

I know some people who live in a certain areas and they would look down on people who live in a so call poor area, council estate ect.
One of my friends told her children that it does not matter where a person is from and what is more important is what the person is like.

The next time your friends make a comment in regards to your area ask them why do you think I get every thing for nothing?
Or make a smart comment re there car or something new they got ie the hp payments must be high on that ect.

I know people who did well in life and now live in a good areas but they are still down to earth.
Mean while I know a few couples who "you can take the man out of the bog but you can't take the bog from the man" apply to.

LegacyUser

Do they council not buy a certain percentage of houses in nearly every estate, with the rest remaining as private houses? (apart from maybe extremely expensive housing estates)
Who's to know what houses are private or council owned, possibly some of your friend's own neighbours are in council owned houses, and why do your friends even give a fcuk which type of house you are living in? Seriously like, I don't get why they care? What type of comments are they making?