Flatmate advice.

LegacyUser

I'm looking for a bit of advice regarding my flatmate.

She's one of my best friends and when we decided to live together I was delighted. The reality though is different, although she is very clean and pays the bills on time, she is mentally unstable.

In the few months we have lived together there have been multiple men over, arguing, crying, being hostile etc. I made it clear I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour from anyone and the drama has decreased in general.

However she fell pregnant recently and had a miscarriage. Whilst pregnant she rekindled an old relationship. Neither man know about the other at the time and they stayed over on different nights. She is seeing one of the men now although sometimes other men share her bed (I neither know nor care if they sleep together) and crying/arguing has returned, which leaves me feeling seriously drained from it all.

Our lease runs for another six months and although I would consider finding someone to take over my part of the lease, the fact is I'm snowed under with bills and cannot afford to move at the moment.

She has tried to lessen my exposure to this drama by keeping it to her bedroom, but whether she is embarrassed by it or something, she now strenuously avoids me, to the point where I feel our friendship is as good as dead.

Although I have a very active social life and plenty of other friends, spending so much time on my own in the flat is beginning to depress me. I believed when we moved in that as friends we would have a happy home.

Her current boyfriend has been trying to convince her to move, for many reasons, he lives a long walk away, these men know where we live, he is awkward around me because of this hassle.

I'm worried she'll break the lease and I'll get stuck with bills I cannot afford. I know this is a long rant and I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me, but the tension, loss of friendship and not knowing what will happen to my living situation has my nerves frayed.

Stavro Mueller

If you want to know me, come live with me.....

I'm not really sure what I can say that'll help much to be honest so I'll just throw out a couple of questions/thoughts.

The relationship with your former friend - have you tried in any way to be more friendly or is there just too much water under the bridge?

Do you ever invite any of your friends over to the flat? You talk about being down about spending so much time alone in the flat getting you down. Do you go visit your friends much? Or does your very active social life involve going out to pubs/clubs a lot?

The biggest problem you have at the moment is your financial situation. It's a big stumbling block because you can't move and you're worried that your flatmate will leave. It would not surprise me if she did leave, by the way. What steps have you taken to try and get on top of your bills? Going back to the question about your very active social life - is that costing you money? Have you sat down and looked at what you're spending money on and where you could cut back. It might be worth getting in contact with MABS. If you could get a handle on your finances it might help you feel like you're more in control.

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for the reply;

I have tried cooking meals and setting up movie/board game nights, which are refused.

I always try to start a conversation when we bump into one another but she replies quickly and goes back to her room.

I have tried sending friendly texts/emails to start conversation but most are ignored. I even wrote a letter explaining the value of our friendship to me but she wouldnt speak of it.

To go from such friendship to nil, I all but expect this friendship is over.

I do go to friends houses/ go for coffee etc. and they often visit me. The trouble is they like to go for meals/drinks/cinema a lot and I cant go.

My finances are coming under control but that is why I end up at home a lot.

I know it wont last forever and things will improve, it's just for the foreseeable future I'm going to be in this situation and the stress is knocking me. What makes it harder is that before living together, she'd be the first one to my aid but now she's partly the cause.