Problems with NOISY Lodger and Girlfriend

Ella_Mae

Hi,

I currently live with my boyfriend (his house) who has a lodger renting a room from him, he is not the tidiest person, fails to clean up after himself, keeps the bathroom so untidy, I could go on, I have spoke with my BF about this and he has made some minor changes.

But.... recently the lodger, John, has meet a girl and she has practically been living in the house the past 2 weeks staying over most nights.... the problem is she is VERY VERY NOISY.... not talking, laughing or joking noise but when they are having sex she screams the house down, my neighbour even commented on it, I get on with her very well and she just happened to say Jeez was John in there watching a porn or what the noise coming from the room the other night. On another occassion when I was coming home bout 10.30pm I meet my neighbours husband outside the house and while we were talking all we could her was her screaming and moaning, they had the window open.

The problem is my niece and my BF's daughter will be staying this weekend and I dont want them having to hear all that, even I feel uncomfortable listening to them.

Should my BF or I saw to John she cant stay this weekend as the the girls will be with us and your gf isnt exactly the quietiest....

I just think it is very disrepectful to carry on like that in someone elses home knowing other people are there.

I mean to say my BF and I were doing work around the house last Saturday and they were there and still noise coming from room, now dont get me wrong I am no prude and enjoy a very active sex life but I know when to keep it down and not act like a pornstar lol

Anyone had similar experiences with noisy flatmates / lodgers

Thanks

Merkin

Ella_Mae wrote: »

I currently live with my boyfriend (his house) who has a lodger renting a room from him, he is not the tidiest person, fails to clean up after himself, keeps the bathroom so untidy, I could go on

Seeing as they are perfect couple (equally antisocial in their own ways) would you and your boyfriend not just look for new lodgers?

If this isn't an option then I'd just say it to them. Say it that small kids are coming around at the weekend and you don't want them to be exposed to sex grunts that can be heard by everyone in the vicinity - you can say neighbours complained, you don't have to say who. Fine if you've your own place but it takes the p1ss to be so loud in someone else's house tbh.

Ella_Mae

My BF owns the house so moving isnt an option for us, I have suggested getting a new lodger on several occasions

I definetly dont want the children exposed to this, my first priority is the girls at the end of the day and a little respect goes a long way....

I mean to say she has no shame coming down around the house after her exploits...
Thanks

I didnt want to be sounding like a prude...

Merkin

I'm not a prude either but I'd absolutely draw the line at her staying there while the kids are there. Kids are innocent and their innocence should be protected for as long as possible - you don't want them to exposed to stuff like that tbh. The woman sounds like she is just totally clueless/unaware/ignorant/brazen so I'd have no problem requesting that she stay away while the kids are coming to visit. If they ask why be honest.

Ella_Mae

All my thoughts exactly.

I will do it this evening. Like who exactly would carry on like this in someone elses home I know I certainly wouldnt, it just amazes me.

Thanks

December2012

It's not your house though, it's your boyfriends. So anything said should come from him.

Koptain Liverpool

Just say it them. It's not as uncommon as you think for this to happen in house shares. Just get your boyfriend to talk to the lodger in an adult fashion. Hopefully the lodger will be embarrassed and get his gf to cut it out.

CommanderC

I had a flat mate like this and it boiled down to an attention seeking thing.

Ask her, face to face, to keep the noise down. It's nothing to do with being a prude. If they were playing loud music or having screaming matches you wud find it just as annoying.

username123

Am I the only one who finds it amazing that you think you can dictate how other people live in a house thats not your own?

Let your boyfriend sort it out, its his house. And maybe try not to be so judgemental of other peoples lives, not everyones hygiene standards are the same.

daisybelle2008

OP, have you posted threads before about this lodger? To do with him smoking weed or something similar? IIRC your boyfriend does not seem to have as much of a problem with this guy as you do. It's not your house or lodger, I'd stay out of it. Up to your boyfriend to have ground rules.

ShaShaBear

It is not up to you to say it, as it is not your house. Your boyfriend needs to say it. Perhaps if she stays so much he could insist that she contribute towards bills (that usually puts people off slumming it in other people's houses). If he isn't willing to talk to the lodger, simply do not stay that weekend or allow your niece over. Your boyfriend will get the message quickly enough.

Boskowski

Ella_Mae wrote: »

I mean to say she has no shame coming down around the house after her exploits...
Thanks

What is she supposed to do? Hang her head in shame for three weeks in silence not coming out of her room cos she had noisy sex?

Sorry but while not 'prude' you do sound a bit lets say uptight. You're bloody adults. Just talk to her whats the problem?

Ella_Mae

Ella_Mae wrote: »

I mean to say she has no shame coming down around the house after her exploits...
Thanks

I didnt want to be sounding like a prude...

Shame?

No one has told her that this is a problem. Why on earth is she supposed to feel ashamed? Tell her that you can hear the sex and that you're not comfortable with it, and that you don't want the girls hearing it this weekend. It's not rocket science.

As for "exploits", that does make you sound like a prude.

Tigger99

Also, you've suggested to your boyf about getting a new lodger and he appears to have ignored you.

Do you pay rent, if not you have the same right to be there as this girl.

tigerblob

Tigger99 wrote: »

Also, you've suggested to your boyf about getting a new lodger and he appears to have ignored you.

Do you pay rent, if not you have the same right to be there as this girl.

That's not true. If she doesn't pay rent, that's because the owner of the house invited her to live there. It's completely different from the lodger's girlfriend being there all the time.

Ella_Mae

And yes I do pay rent, bills, clean the house, buy things for house etc it is OUR home even if it is in his name

She is now staying nearly every night, using the shower, water, electricity etc failing to wash up, treating it as a hotel.
I have spoken out about this to my BF who to be honest hates confrontation so is unwilling to sort it out and ask why she is staying all the time etc, the lodger has not once asjed him or us is it ok, when my BF asked me to move in he asked the lodger would it be ok.....

I have told the lodger to ensure the kitchen is left as he finds it clean and tidy, but simply told me to "stop feking telling me what to do" I replied, stop leaving the place a mess, I clean up after myself we all have to live here so fair is fair.... They left dishes in the sick for 4 days just kept piling up, I know everyones hygiene is not the same but come on, do your bit
I know when I first starting seeing my BF i wasnt staying every night, and when I did start I cleaned up after myself / us etc

I just think my BF is letting him / them away with too much.... that I have told him I will no longer pay my rent / bills until he sorts it out, I mean if she can live with us for free so can I.....

And at true or false, my BF has spoken to him as the next door neighbours commented to him on the 'noise' heard one night....

I am not suggesting she hides in the room but you are in someone elses house have some respect..... maybe shame was not right word but I know I would feel slightly embarrassed....

It may not be my house to dictate what goes on but in fairness it is all our home where we live so a little respect and courtesy for each other goes a long way i think....

Merkin

Ella_Mae wrote: »

I just think my BF is letting him / them away with too much.... that I have told him I will no longer pay my rent / bills until he sorts it out, I mean if she can live with us for free so can I.....

No you can't and that kind of reaction isn't going to achieve anything or do you any favours whatsoever so I really would not go down that route if I were you.

If I was subletting rooms in my home and dishes were piling up for four days
(:eek: by the way) I'd be going balllistic. What does your boyfriend say about their lack of hygiene? Doesn't that bother him?

Ella_Mae

Merkin wrote: »

No you can't and that kind of reaction isn't going to achieve anything or do you any favours whatsoever so I really would not go down that route if I were you.

What am I meant to do then.... he says he will ask him what the story is but hasnt, I just think its entirely unfair.... when the bills come in i am not supplementing her staying....they can be split four ways....


If I was subletting rooms in my home and dishes were piling up for four days
(:eek: by the way) I'd be going balllistic. What does your boyfriend say about their lack of hygiene? Doesn't that bother him?

He just doesnt seem to care, he is soooo laid back almost horizontal at times. What does it take to clean up after yourself 5 mins.... its just really getting to me, I take pride in the house, keep it clean and tidy and for what.... for them to come in and dirty the place....
Its just got to the point where it is causing friction between my BF and I, its little things....

leaving his bottles on counter i counted 10 jars / glass bottles once instead of bringing them out to rycling bin....
recycling bin in kitchen - he would rather keep stuffing stuff in the bring to bin outside and replace bag....

There is no ground rules think its too late now... instead my BF has always just picked up after him etc

These things may sound trivial to some but why should i be the one keeping place clean / tidy for others when they dont do same for me....

username123

The simple solution is for you to move out somewhere that meets your standards of hygiene and respectability.

Ella_Mae

username123 wrote: »

The simple solution is for you to move out somewhere that meets your standards of hygiene and respectability.

Is that a flipant remark....

I take it you are happy to have your dishes piled in the sink for days upon end, happy to leave empty bottles / jars in kitchen, happy to leave your bins over flowing....

when you house share i think a little respect for others goes a long way

Potatoeman

username123 wrote: »

The simple solution is for you to move out somewhere that meets your standards of hygiene and respectability.

I have to agree with her. If you have time to make a mess you have time to clean up. Why should others have to work around your filth.
Leaving stuff in the sink means others have to move it out to use it.

username123

Ella_Mae wrote: »

Is that a flipant remark....

I take it you are happy to have your dishes piled in the sink for days upon end, happy to leave empty bottles / jars in kitchen, happy to leave your bins over flowing....

when you house share i think a little respect for others goes a long way

But its not your house. You are renting and another renter is disrespectful. You have addressed it to the landlord. He has done nothing. You think that withholding your own rent is a resolution. It isnt.

So move out. If your BF wants you there he will be far more likely to make the necessary changes if you tell you you are off because of the current circumstances that he is not doing anything about.

Neyite

Op, did you move in after the lodger? If so then the "house rules" were established before your arrival and you have no right to dictate to the other flat mates how clean the house should be. its his home too. If it wasn't up to your standards then you shouldn't have moved in.

Ella_Mae

So move out. If your BF wants you there he will be far more likely to make the necessary changes if you tell you you are off because of the current circumstances that he is not doing anything about.[/QUOTE]

Why should I move out..... it is my home aswell....

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I understand you are frustrated about this, but you really are getting yourself all worked up and are even getting annoyed with posters on here, who have nothing to do with the situation.

Being perfectly honest, your options are limited. Your bf is the landlord. If he doesn't say anything there is not a whole lot you can do.

It's you, alone, against them. So they have the numbers advantage. House sharing is always going to have it's problems. If your bf is unwilling to say something, and you HAVE said something but they ignored you, then you have a limited number of options:

Put up with it.
Move out.
Ask your bf to get them to move out so that it can be just you and him (but be prepared for big jump in rent & bills).

But again, if your bf doesn't ask them to move out you're back to 1 of the first two options.

Ranting here might be a good outlet for your frustrations, but it's not going to solve your problem...

December2012

Look you cannot make him clean.

You cannot make your landlord talk to him or give out to him.

It he only thing you can control is you.

No point in everybody agreeing that he's a slob and your boyfriend doesn't care, it amounts to nothing because you cannot make them do anything.

So either stop getting bothered about it, or do the only thing you can - move out.

Btw it seems like this is highlighting a problem between you and your boyfriend and not this other lodger.

Stavro Mueller

You really need to speak very frankly to your boyfriend about this. If I were you I'd be going mental at his utter spinelessness at this stage. I don't care who is or isn't paying rent. Any time people share a house there has to be respect and consideration for the others.

Merkin

cymbaline wrote: »

You really need to speak very frankly to your boyfriend about this. If I were you I'd be going mental at his utter spinelessness at this stage. I don't care who is or isn't paying rent. Any time people share a house there has to be respect and consideration for the others.

And if he is still unwilling to do anything about it I would move out

Taltos

OP - I think you need to redirect your anger and complaints to the "landlord".
As a tenant you have done all you can.

Not being funny here - but I really do think you need to step back and look a bit more at your relationship. It is one thing for him to be laid back and let others disrespect him (in your view), but he is now allowing them to disrespect you...
Although playing devil's advocate if there is no contract in place re tidiness / guests then the other tenant is not doing anything wrong per-se - although he is showing a total lack of consideration...