Head wrecked!

LegacyUser

6 weeks ago met a guy on a night out.. we hit it off.

2 weekends later went on a date.. dont think I was completely myself... still liked him and enjoyed myself.. thought it went well.. he text later in week said he wasnt up for dating at moment.
I told him i didnt want a bf (just some fun) and we kept up texting.. although very sporadic..

eventually we did meet up.. i assumed it would just be for sex but instead felt almost date like.. we had the chats and a laugh.. he dropped me home.. but I didnt feel it felt right to invite him in for a few reasons..
he text the next night a nice message, i replied and told him where i was heading out withone of the girls..
then I got no reply...
4 days later i get a text saying how busy he is getting ready for a holiday away the following week and sorting things with work etc for going away.. we text a message or two and have heard nothing since..
hes away on holidays now for the past week..

I'm so annoyed at myself for being like this and thinking about this guy.... I dont do this! ever! went on two other dates and I knew I had it bad when all I could think of was the other guy... >:( arrgh!

I know you are probably going to tell me he's not into me.. he's a player etc. etc. but I just felt some sort of a spark with this guy that I just haven't felt in years and years... and thats why I'm just finding it hard to let it go... yano?
So I guess what I'm asking is/looking for confirmation on... am I being a complete fool? is this fella laughin his head off at me.
Should I send him a text? Wait till the holidays are over or just not text at all and try to move on...

Thanks for all your thoughts in advance...

_dublinlad_

You told him you don't want a BF, so he assumes he doesn't need to keep up appearances (like texting). He is just biding his time until he sleeps with you.

The worst thing you can do is get into an uneven situation here. Were you sleep together, he see's it as just sex and you see it as a whole lot more. That will lead to real hurt.

judgefudge

He said he wasn't up for dating at the moment. So for that reason, and because you seem to really like him, I'd let this one go. It seems you'd just be letting yourself in for a lot of disappointment and hurt

IrishEyes19

its awful when you like someone and they dont feel the same. but he has made it clear he doesnt want something serious with you. i know it sucks. been there, done that and its hard. but if i were you. id cut my losses now and end it before things get messy. eventually they will. you have to respect his wishes and he has to respect yours
ask yourself if you keep up "meeting up" casually. how will you take it the day he tells you he has met someone and is committing to her?

you need to mind yourself and your feelings. people get hurt easily by getting into casual arrangemenrs. you need to be sure that your ok with it.

IrishEyes19

i meant to add. hes not a player at all. he's been upfront with you and you told him its ok and continued texting. its on your hand now what happens to your feelings is totally in your power. best of luck

2Mad2BeMad

he told you how he felt
you said you wanted just some fun
in a fellas mind (sex buddy) nothing else

first off you shouldnt of said that, to him that means he has a girl who only wants sex
where as you really just want him to like you

dont text him anymore unless you want to get hurt, because i can guarentee you if you have sex with him, it still wont change his mind, but you will be deeply hurt because of it

Merkin

gotitbad wrote: »

6 weeks ago met a guy on a night out.. we hit it off.

2 weekends later went on a date.. dont think I was completely myself... still liked him and enjoyed myself.. thought it went well.. he text later in week said he wasnt up for dating at moment.
I told him i didnt want a bf (just some fun) and we kept up texting.. although very sporadic..

So you told him an out and out lie? Why on earth would you compromise yourself like that and accept the scraps from his table? He explicitly said he wasn't interested and rather than take the dent to your ego and wounded pride you told him you're actually only interested in casual sex when you're actually not and really like him? Seriously?

Don't every accept second best. You're now waiting for him to contact you (which he will - for sex, which you offered) and then you'll be starting a thread wondering why it's not going anywhere/why he only calls when he wants sex.

If you don't mind my saying your head is wrecked because it is entirely self induced. Don't lie out of desperation and then hope it will metamorphose into something else - it rarely does.

You can like someone and still just want casual sex. Nothing wrong with it - the guy was completely honest, probably didn't feel the spark at all, which is why he wasn't up for dating right now. It's up to you, OP - do you want just fun and nothing else, or something more serious? If it's the former, go for it, if it's the latter, you should go find someone else, because you likely won't find it there.

If there was a spark, he wouldn't have told you he wasn't interested in dating.

Merkin

gotitbad wrote: »

I just felt some sort of a spark with this guy that I just haven't felt in years and years... and thats why I'm just finding it hard to let it go... yano?

I don't think so Boney. She seems quite smitten with this guy so liking him to that extent and then being happy with a casual hook-up is a recipe for disaster tbh.

Merkin

Merkin wrote: »

I don't think so Boney. She seems quite smitten with this guy so liking him to that extent and then being happy with a casual hook-up is a recipe for disaster tbh.

Which is why it depends on what she is personally capable of. If she can handle liking this guy and it being nothing more than casual sex, then go for it. If she can't, then she needs to move on. There's plenty more people out there, OP.

LegacyUser

OP here again,
thank you all for your views.

I guess I'm confused. I dont want a boyfriend. that I'm sure of. and when I text him originally and said I wanted just fun I genuinely did and do.
I do like him but then im not sure is it more the challenge/chase/lust that is pulling me in..
I dont think I know him well enough to be completely smitten with him if that makes sense?
and I've seen some traits in him that I know I would not like in a boyfriend.
Maybe spark wasnt a good word to use.. sexual chemistry might describe it better.
I do want to have sex with him... and I havent met many guys where I'm really lustful after them but with this one I am...
(sorry guys I dont know if I'm even making sense here..)

The last time we met though just threw me coz I was mentally prepared for just sex and then it didnt happen! He also gave me no indications towards sex either.
Whereas I think I was the one being more flirtacious/making comments in that sense. I didnt text him after that.. after this couldnt stop thinking about having sex with him..
the next night he text me a nice message with again NO sexual references... i replied and told him where I was going.. half in the hope that he would pick up that we could maybe hook up later in the night... but he never replied?
Its all this stuff here that has thrown me.. i would have preferred he didnt text me at all that next night if he wanted nothing more at all to do with me if ya get me!

just so annoyed at myself..
I dont actually know if i like him or if its just an infatuation or what?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, Please be patient. As an unregistered user your posts have to be approved by a moderator before they appear on the thread. Your post will be approved as soon as a Moderator gets to it. There is no need to post the same post multiple times.

Big Bag of Chips

judgefudge

So he doesn't want to date you and he's not acting sexual towards you? I would really drop this one OP. nothing good will come of it.

Merkin

I agree with judgefudge here. Read over your posts again OP and you'll see that there is nothing to be confused about, he hasn't given you any indication in the slightest that he's interested unfortunately, leave this one go love.

EvanCornwallis

When I became single a while back , I text a girl I used to work with asking if she would fancy going for a drink. We had been flirty but I didn't act on it as I was seeing someone.

She text back saying that she was sorry but she is seeing someone , I proceeded to go on a good number of dates with some very nice women, but all I want is the girl I used to work with, she's coming into my head during my time with them.

I worked with this girl for only three months when she was a temp. My situation is just quite simply wanting what I can't have.


TS, If you really want to be get him, cut out the bs and ask him out straight. If he doesn't or you don't want to go down that road , I would sat just move on. You will be feeling this way another before you know it.

LegacyUser

Apologies BOC, was on the phone posting message and it was saying I could not post unless a member so that's why I hit post a few times.. Sorry!

Thanks all for your replies, merkim and fudge judge, evan you are so right... I want what i cant have and He hasn't got the slightest interest in me so why am I making an eejit of myself?
Lightbulb moment.... (It took a while :P)

Thanks for talking some sense into me!