Holiday Disaster

BadLuckBrian

Hi, I'm currently away in America for the summer on a working holiday visa - meant to be here until the end of August but it's gone so pear shaped that i'm considering leaving and it's kinda getting me down. Basically I'm here with 5 girls (i'm a guy), and I've found over the 4 weeks I've been here that living with just girls is just not something that I'm able for. The constant bitching is annoying enough but even the general conversation they engage in doesn't really interest me. Also I had a friends with benefits type thing with one of the girls but then she got with another guy in front of me while we were drunk and stupidly I called her every name under the sun (something which was obviously childish & I've since apologized for). I'm due to be here for another 8 or so weeks but for the above reasons i'm highly tempted to go home. The problem is that when I go home I know I will be really down about the fact that America didn't work out as I had planned and I had been looking forward to it for months. I feel like I'm be the only person on earth who could go on a working holiday visa to the US and not enjoy it. Just looking for peoples advice on whether leaving sounds like the right thing to do based on what I've said. Thanks

Merkin

Can you not just look for another house-share for the next two months? You should be able to get a new room in no time flat and yes, you will absolutely regret it if you terminate your trip prematurely. Find a new place to stay.

BadLuckBrian

Merkin wrote: »

Can you not just look for another house-share for the next two months? You should be able to get a new room in no time flat and yes, you will absolutely regret it if you terminate your trip prematurely. Find a new place to stay.

Unfortunately it's not as simple as that to find another house share. I'm in a fairly isolated area that only a handful of Irish students go to for the summer and most are in big groups and their houses are full. I know I'll regret it but on the other hand I feel that staying in such a negative environment where I'm not enjoying my company is also not good for me. I have flights waiting for me for 150 quid so the option is there to head home. I forgot to add that I'm unemployed too.

EvanCornwallis

I'd say stick it out. I think you will regret it more if cone home , even if things didn't get better in the remaining eight weeks, you can at least say you gave it a chance.

Mate , that was really really stupid of you. If you like the girl more than that tell her , if you don't you can't have it both ways. Friends with benefits is great on paper , in my experience it never works or ends great.

It will be all forgotten about very soon though. Get back chatting with the girl in question, as to make sure an awkward tension doesn't rise up. Best way will be next time that situation comes up , act more mature and go about chatting with other girls yourself (ps I'm not looking down from my high horse , we've all been in situations with the opposite sex)

Could you maybe mix being with the girls and going off doing your own thing ?

Merkin

BadLuckBrian wrote: »

Unfortunately it's not as simple as that to find another house share. I'm in a fairly isolated area that only a handful of Irish students go to for the summer and most are in big groups and their houses are full. I know I'll regret it but on the other hand I feel that staying in such a negative environment where I'm not enjoying my company is also not good for me. I have flights waiting for me for 150 quid so the option is there to head home. I forgot to add that I'm unemployed too.

Why do you have to limit yourself to living with Irish people?

Catari Jaguar

Merkin wrote: »

Why do you have to limit yourself to living with Irish people?

Yes exactly, I would want to be as far away as possible from my brethren. Find a houseshare. Locals would have much more knowledge of the social scene and attractions, not to mention any jobs going. But students from all over the world will be really open minded and interested in exploring and making contacts. You have potential to make tons of new friends and meet loads of girls with none of that parochial "Oh you were with X who knows my cousin Y from Z town back home..." Check out the couchsurfing site or craigslist.

BadLuckBrian

BadLuckBrian wrote: »

Basically I'm here with 5 girls (i'm a guy), and I've found over the 4 weeks I've been here that living with just girls is just not something that I'm able for. The constant bitching is annoying enough but even the general conversation they engage in doesn't really interest me.

Living with 5 girls and not liking it does not mean you're not able for living with girls. Women are a gender, not a bunch of clones that all bitch and talk about things you don't like.

You're sounding quite defeated. Things didn't go well with the girl you'd been hooking up with, you feel like all your plans haven't quite panned out, and you're looking at another 8 weeks and thinking the worst. So make new plans. Move out, find somewhere else to live (even if it's quite far away and not with Irish people or even if it's with women), get new work, make new friends, and do the best you can with the last couple of months you have. If you're in an isolated area, move to a different one. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain, and you'll be doubly proud of your time abroad if you can look back and see all the things you did independently of your own accord.

Idle Passerby

Use this an opportunity to have a real American experience. Whats the point of going to another country and only surrounding yourself with people you know from home?

Go out, meet some new people and actually take advantage of the fact that your young, free, single and in another country for the summer. First step, get a local paper and see whose looking for a new housemate.

Twee.

Find a sublet for the rest of the time. I went on a J1 by myself and had Brazilain, Spanish and Danish housemates You're in the US to soak up the culture and live a different way for a while, get the most out of it.

Start looking for a job ASAP, and through that let your colleagues know that you're looking for somewhere to live. Get any job, it doesn't have to be the J1 dream of working in an Irish bar Get out there and look for anything that comes your way. J1s I met were doing "chugging", cleaning in hotels, working for removals companies, handing out flyers on the street, and myself, I was a sales assistant in a clothing shop.

I think you will regret coming home having not even had a job or trying to find elsewhere to live. You have a great opportunity, use it!

BadLuckBrian

Unfortunately about an hour after my original post I went ahead and booked flights home. After reading the replies and thinking over it myself for a couple of days I feel like going home is just taking the easy way out. But my sponsor says that the money I paid for the flight home (150 euro) can not be returned if I change my mind and stay here. I'm also looking at about 100dollars a week rent if I try stay somewhere new. Can't decide if it's worth pretty much another 1000 to stay here for 5 weeks or not. And i'd be still taking a risk that I won't find a job.

Lorna123

I think in your circumstances OP you are probably better to go home. If you stay over there and don't get a job and the girls get worse then you will have gained nothing. It is very unfortunate that you ended up with these girls and things didn't work out but you might feel better if you just alienated yourself from them by going home. I would hate to be stuck in accommodation under these circumstances. At least you will feel liberated if you come home. I am so sorry that this trip didn't work out for you but there are no guarantees with anything. You can always go again another time with different people and learn from this experience.

username123

Do you not already have a job?
Why not just move on to somewhere different? When I waitressed on a J1 visa I used to make 150 dollars on one days tips. But I only went to that place after a month alone (ie, without friends) in Chicago - I was going to go home too but then I reckoned Id move elsewhere.

BadLuckBrian

No, I don't already have a job. I had one but it was awful, they treated me like cr*p so I quit. While the trip has been a disaster in some ways, I suppose I can draw some positives from it. I've got to see 4 different states in America, I've learned a lot about myself as a person. I've made some mistakes that hopefully I'll learn from for the future. I can understand why people think going home is something I'll regret though. Unfortunately I'm finished college for good now so this was my one and only shot at a J1 so that kind of worsens things a bit for me. It should have been so much better. But to me, another 5 or so weeks here with no job and a big chance that I won't get another one isn't worth it. I guess I can always come back later in life for a holiday.

Overthrow

Don't go home. Are you near any cities? Take a train in or hitchhike there, try get a job in a kitchen or a bar, try meet up with any helpful internet people who could give you a hand (Reddit could be a good source for this, look for the subreddit of the city), couchsurfing is also a good resource for travelling people. As long as you have enough emergency cash to get you home at any time, you'll be grand. There's nothing tying you to where you are, go off and have an adventure and make the most of your time there!

HungryJoey

How remote are you? What state/town are you in?

In many ways J1's can be a complete disaster. I know on mine I had many moments when I wanted to throw the towel in both with work and the remote area I stayed in. I eventually did end up leaving the job after 6 weeks and travelled around for as long as I could afford to (not working). Luckily I went over with a good bit of cash in my account and that remained largely untouched until I quit working.

I flew home 2 weeks early because ultimately I probably couldn't afford the last 2 weeks living in hostels/shares etc. I'm glad I didnt go home early, I met a lot of people and god to see and do some great things for the 2 and half months I was there.

It's probably too late now to change your flights so alteast enjoy the remainder of the time you have left. Get a cheap Megabus / Greyhound bus to as many places you can afford before you leave and look at the whole J1 as life experience.

HungryJoey

How remote are you? What state/town are you in?

In many ways J1's can be a complete disaster. I know on mine I had many moments when I wanted to throw the towel in both working(Pay, hours etc..) and the remote area I stayed. I eventually did end up leaving the job after 6 weeks and moved around a bit for as long as I could afford to (not working). Luckily I went over with a good bit of cash in my account and that remained largely untouched until I quit working.

I flew home 2 weeks early because ultimately I probably couldn't afford the last 2 weeks living in hostels/shares etc. I'm glad I did stay for as long as I could though. I met a lot of people and got to see and do some great things for the 2 and half months I was there.

It's probably too late now to change your flights so at least enjoy the remainder of the time you have left. Get a cheap Megabus / Greyhound bus to as many places you can afford before you leave and look at the whole J1 as life experience.