worrying about having a second child

staticdoor71

My dilemma might sound very trivial to most people, but its eating me up inside.

I never wanted kids when I was younger, then i met the man of my dreams blah blah blah, we all know how the story goes..we started trying for a baby 6 years later and we were blessed with a beautiful little girl. I NEVER knew you could love someone as much as i love her. She is my world..i would literally jump in front of a train to protect her.
We have great fun with her, shes really showing her own personality now (14.5 months old)

But here's the thing... I would like to have another child, maybe even two more, god willing... But i have such a fear of how could i possibly love another child as much as my daughter.. or how would it make her feel to see the world has stopped revolving around her?
I do know this probably sounds so ridiculous..but i dont understand how someone can love two little kiddies equally? or does it just happen? or am I loosing what little bit of sanity I have..

Has any one experienced this?

dublinlady

What ur feeling is so normal
My second baby is just 6 weeks, my eldest just 16 months - the whole of my pregnancy I wondered how on earth I could ever love someone else as much! I also felt huge guilt over taking the limelight off my daughter! But now - since my second daughter arrived - I've no doubts at all - it's weird - the love just seems to be there in the same amounts but hasn't taken any from my first! If that makes sense! It's just like you love your partner and can't imagine having a baby - then you do and it just happens - u move then both, your love for your baby doesn't take from your love for your OH. Similarly your love for your second baby doesn't take from your first - in fact if night even make it stronger cos I see traits of my first in my second and it makes my smile to see the similarities! Yet I'm amazed my the differences!

My first daughter, a, loves her little sis! Yes at times it's tough as she wants to be held and I can't as I'm feeding S but if I play with her & a book to distract her she's happy and then after I make sure to try and spend some time just focusing on her! She loves it cos it forces me to make my time with each of them quality time whereas before I might have taken some times for granted!

I think basically your heart expands & can just cater for all the bonds! You make time for everyone and they have the benefit of learning about siblings and love for each other!

I'd highly recommend it..

December2012

The love just grows. You love your first child, you love your second child, the same. You love them loving each other. You love them playing with each other. You love how this new whole yet tiny person magically fits into your family, as if they were always there.

It's amazing.

Hannibal Smith

The decision to have another child isn't easy. I felt so guilty for the eldest, because he was so used to having our full attention etc that we were inflicting an unnecessary evil on him for our own selfishness :rolleyes:

But anyhow, our eldest is 4 and the second guy is 1 and a half and it is so worth it. These past few weeks when the sun has been out they've been out the garden and the giggles and squeals coming from them is so great to watch. They sleep in the same room and every morning (at 6am :mad::mad:) we hear them say good morning to each other Don't get me wrong, it's not like the waltons, they also kill each other over the same car/bike/ironman figure.

So you do have doubts and worries about bringing another in and how your life may or may not have room for another, but the dynamics in the house change and adjust and even though it sounds impossible you do absolutely love the next just as much.

wmpdd3

I admit the thought never crossed my mind until I had the two of then herebut I honestly love the completely equally.

If anything I have to make sure I don't forget about my partner!

Ms2011

You sound just like me so if you are insane you're not alone

Mine & my OH's lives literally revolve around our son, there's nothing we wouldn't do for him. We've decided to try for a second child around next summer, all going well J will be 2.5 when I get pregnant & almost 3 when the baby'd be born.
I already feel guilty for turning his world upside-down & I'm not even pregnant yet.
But what is really killing me is that he'll be starting playschool at 3 & I'm terrified he'll think he's being sent away cos of the new baby or something.
Is there anything a mammy doesn't feel guilty about!!!

ladysarah

my Friend HAD the EXACT SAME fear and waited 7 yrs io hsve number 2 but then had number 3 two years later and is delighted. she adores them all

Gee_G

I could have written your posted,my little man is 10months and I find it quite upsetting(I don't even know if that's how to describe it) thinking about him when I have another baby!

NIMAN

Believe me when I say that you will find you don't love any child any less than another.

I know the maths doesn't work, but you will find you can give each child 100% of your love!

JanaMay

We're thinking of trying for our second now and my partner has the same fear (I've got a whole load of different fears!). I just keep telling him that love doesn't divide up, it can only multiply!

wolfpawnat

I am currently pregnant with no2. Only anything from 2-6 weeks away from having it and the God's honest truth I am terrified. I love my son so so much and I am terrified I cannot love this child as much, that my son will feel I won't love him and that I will not show them both enough time, but we are nearly there, there is no going back now. My son has been a very positive active part in my pregnancy. Everything from rubbing my back with morning sickness (he's a champ) to helping me pack the hospital bag. Most everything I have was his, and he knows it. I have made him part of the process in every way possible, and apart from asking that he keep one blanket set from the cot, he has handed over everything, including his cotbed without question. I found explaining everything to him helped him bond with his sibling (well I hope) and has alleviated a lot of my fears for the two of them and in many ways has relaxed me.

I know the moment I see the baby in hospital I will love it, it is my baby, but I do still fear that I won't have the same love as for no1. I know people say it expands as opposed to is shared, but I think it is a very natural worry about things like this, or at least I hope so anyway

staticdoor71

thank you all so much for your replies, they have all been so positive and i feel much better to know that im not on my own in thinking this.. Its odd because I come from a family of six kids, should have known better!!!

I think we will wait a while, enjoy what we have in our mini demolition derby (daughter)... and maybe next year give it a shot... But i really appreciate you all putting my mind at ease

Muchos grasseyass

Mink

Ok this thread is REALLY making me want to get pregnant again

Das Kitty

Love isn't finite, OP. The human heart has a boundless capacity for it.

vitani

I have the opposite worry

I adore my daughter but it took a while to bond with her initially and I never got that rush of love people talk about when she was first born. I'm terrified that if I have another, I'll bond with them instantly and love the new baby more.

I don't know. I'm weird. It's all hypothetical anyway because I'm a long way off having another.

Oral Slang

Had the same worries myself. 19 weeks now & I know I will love both equally. I'm just hoping that my daughter who's only 20 months won't feel neglected as she just wants to be cuddled & read to & talked to all day long. She'll be 25 months when this baby comes along, so hoping she'll help me with nappies & things to make sure she's involved.

Hannibal Smith

Oral Slang wrote: »

Had the same worries myself. 19 weeks now & I know I will love both equally. I'm just hoping that my daughter who's only 20 months won't feel neglected as she just wants to be cuddled & read to & talked to all day long. She'll be 25 months when this baby comes along, so hoping she'll help me with nappies & things to make sure she's involved.

Congratulations! !!

December2012

Oral Slang wrote: »

Had the same worries myself. 19 weeks now & I know I will love both equally. I'm just hoping that my daughter who's only 20 months won't feel neglected as she just wants to be cuddled & read to & talked to all day long. She'll be 25 months when this baby comes along, so hoping she'll help me with nappies & things to make sure she's involved.

The great thing about newborns is they require you to sit down so much with them! Feeding or snoozing they love being with Mama, so when I was bfing my second, my first, a toddler, would cuddle up beside us too. She never felt left out in that way, even if the housework did!

Mink

vitani wrote: »

I have the opposite worry

I adore my daughter but it took a while to bond with her initially and I never got that rush of love people talk about when she was first born. I'm terrified that if I have another, I'll bond with them instantly and love the new baby more.

I don't know. I'm weird. It's all hypothetical anyway because I'm a long way off having another.

I was the same when I had my son, I had an awful time the first couple weeks and just wasn't clicking into it. But I ended up bonding with him and I feel like I've always loved him this much, it's weird. I'm scared same or opposite will happen on new baby, but I think once my hormones settle, everything else will

bp

My OH is worried about the same thing. We are no where near having a second (we have a 20 week at home and I am finally getting sleep again) but he was worried that he couldn't love a second as much as the first.

I just pointed out that before our little one was born he didn't think he would love anyone as much as me (his words) and now loves the babba more than me. So I pointed out this thread and said that you capacity to love grows.

Good luck :-)

aknitter

staticdoor71 wrote: »

thank you all so much for your replies, they have all been so positive and i feel much better to know that im not on my own in thinking this.. Its odd because I come from a family of six kids, should have known better!!!

I think we will wait a while, enjoy what we have in our mini demolition derby (daughter)... and maybe next year give it a shot... But i really appreciate you all putting my mind at ease

Muchos grasseyass

You'll know all about destruction if you have a boy next time !!

theLuggage

I remember dropping our first daughter off at her nana and grandads when I was going in to be induced on our second. She was 21 months old and I was literally in tears when I left cause her whole world was changing and she hadnt a clue! I felt so guilty and worried about how she would react to baby - didnt worry about loving the baby or anything at all - was so focused on our first. All worked out fine! She didnt like her little sister too much, then liked her but she was too small to be interesting, then she started loving her to death as i call it and now we are in the pinching/pushing faze now the baby can get into her toys! Wonder whats next.....