First Date

LegacyUser

At my ripe old age I will be going on my first date soon and am absolutely petrified about it as I've no idea how to act or what to do etc.

I've not had much success with the opposite sex and am scared that things will either go wrong or too well.

I'm slightly uncomfortable with this as my friends know the person and I feel like I'd rather make my mistakes in private and be under no obligation to make this work - which is how I currently feel.

I think it would be good for me to go on the date, but I'm scared that the other person might be wanting more than I am. I'm just starting to date and not looking for a relationship.

Help - what do I do here without appearing like an idiot?

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. The main piece of advice I'd have for you is just to relax!

I was in a similar situation recently. Don't build this into a big event. It's just one date, just two people meeting to have a chat and a drink or whatever.

Don't bother worrying that you have mutual friends, I'm sure they are thinking of your upcoming date a lot less than you think they are. There is no pressure on you to make anything work. People go out with friends-of-friends all the time. Sometimes it doesn't get past one date, sometimes it does. Take things at your own pace.

Just relax, ask the other person about themselves, job, interests, how their week has gone etc. They'll probably ask you the same questions, and before you know it, you might even end up enjoying each others company!

You'll be grand, best of luck!

ash23

It's ok to be nervous. I'm always nervous about first dates. It's happened a couple of times where the person has wanted more than I have. I'd always give a polite peck on the cheek at the end of a date and if the guy calls or texts me looking for date number 2, I've replied with "I had good time but I'm sorry, I just don't see it going anywhere. Thanks for a lovely evening"

It's polite but firm and most people know that it's possible that can happen after a date. Don't read too much into it and don't take it too seriously. It's just a date. There's no obligation and no pressure.

LegacyUser

How do I end the date on the evening? I think I know how to act up to that point, but I don't want to have an awkward moment when we both stand waiting wondering who will take the inititive and say goodnight.

If I don't fancy her how do I leave it that I don't just say 'I don't fancy you. Twas nice meeting you all the same, goodbye!'.

Any advice on how to end the date would be appreciated. I don't think I want a relationship, so I want to know how to end the date and not cause anyone unnecessary embarrassment.


Thanks for your replies.

Lorna123

You just say goodnight that you enjoyed the evening and no more. Don't make promises to be in touch with her if you don't want to do this. You don't have to explain anything in detail. Are you sure you want to go on this date ?

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

Are you sure you want to go on this date ?

I've never been on a date before so I'd like to give it a go. I just am a bit uncomfortable with my first date being known to my friends.

I know it sounds vain, but I'm more scared of her liking me than not! I'd rather just go and get the date done and rack up some experience dating rather than having a relationship. However, my friend thinks he is Cilla Black and is trying to pair us up, but did say there was no pressure (which was nice of him!!!).

BTW - they don't know about my lack of dating experience.

I might not get a chance like this in ages again, but I'm not wanting to have a relationship with the first girl I meet - I don't think it is sensible or healthy. So I just want to go out meet the person, nothing serious.

Am I leading her on?

ash23

Spit the dog wrote: »

Am I leading her on?

I wouldn't say you're leading her on but you are definitely over thinking it. Nobody can force you into a relationship. But if one does develop then what harm?

But that's getting too far ahead of yourself anyway. Just go, meet up, see if ye get on. If ye do and there's a spark, rinse and repeat. If ye got on ok but there's no spark then a little hug goodbye or perhaps a peck on the cheek if it went well. If it was awkward or stilted then a simple goodbye is fine.

Just don't overthink it too much. Go and enjoy it for what it is, the chance to meet a new person.

Lorna123

I can see where you are coming from OP. Having this date set up by a friend you both know is a pain, as you don't want it being reported back as to how it went. If I were you I would just meet up with this girl as if she was just a mate. If you like her it will come naturally what to do. If you don't like her then just say goodbye at the end of it and thank her for her company. You can tell her that you feel a bit awkward meeting her as this date was arranged but that it would be nice to just forget about that aspect of it and just enjoy the night. Don't even think about what she might be expecting as you will never know. All you know is that you are going on a first date with this girl, you will both have a bit of fun and if it never happens again so what.

kjl

Spit the dog wrote: »

I've never been on a date before so I'd like to give it a go. I just am a bit uncomfortable with my first date being known to my friends.

I know it sounds vain, but I'm more scared of her liking me than not! I'd rather just go and get the date done and rack up some experience dating rather than having a relationship. However, my friend thinks he is Cilla Black and is trying to pair us up, but did say there was no pressure (which was nice of him!!!).

BTW - they don't know about my lack of dating experience.

I might not get a chance like this in ages again, but I'm not wanting to have a relationship with the first girl I meet - I don't think it is sensible or healthy. So I just want to go out meet the person, nothing serious.

Am I leading her on?

I don't think you should just dismiss the girl before you have even met her. My advice is to go into it open minded and not so arrogant that know exactly how it's going to pan out.

Nuttzz

Spit the dog wrote: »

I
I might not get a chance like this in ages again, but I'm not wanting to have a relationship with the first girl I meet - I don't think it is sensible or healthy. So I just want to go out meet the person, nothing serious.

Really dont get this bit, the right person for you is the right person regardless if you meet her on your first dating experience or your hundredth.

What do you plan to do, date 20 women and then stay now I'll start to pick one I might want to be long term with?

Life really doesnt work that way, dates are supposed to be fun, you seem to be over thinking this way too much, go out have fun and see where it goes...