Can't fall alseep with ease...

Fittle

My 11yr old son - who is definitely a pre-teen (tears for no reason, moody etc) has alot of difficulty falling asleep. I am at the point where I am considering bringing him to my GP.

He could go to bed at 9pm and would still be awake at midnight, shouting into me to a few times..'Mam, I can't sleep...'. When he falls asleep eventually, he will usually sleep through the night, but will inevitably be up and awake at about 7.30am, even at weekends...

I know that part of this is the fact that he used to sleep in my bed and this shouting out to me was his way of gaining attention...but he's been in his own room for over 18 months now, and it's still happening.

In many other ways, he is beginning to mature....I have tried every technique in the book but after another 3 hours awake last night, I really think I might bring him to my GP. He has actually asked me to bring him to the doctor, because he finds it so frustrating himself.

Anyone got a similar pre-teen and know how to fix this???

Jimmy Garlic

You need to think up think up things for him to do that will wear him out. Tiredness = sleep, Lots of activity = tiredness. Put him to work, a little child labour never hurt anyone. Besides that, 9pm is probably a bit early for an 11yr old to be going to bed.

munchkin_utd

would he not just read a book in bed?
Good for language and intellectual development and it distracts him from thinking about being awake.

Fittle

This lad is the most active child I know...his shins are covered in bruises because he spends his days after school, outside playing football...I practically have to drag him in for dinner etc (he has no xbox or PS and isn't that interested in them thankfully).

I've tried the book reading...we are in the library and I must drop down again over the weekend and get him more books - even with books though, it takes him hours to get to sleep.

will.i.am

Keep him active during the day and maybe move his bed time to 9.30 or 10pm.
Also is there any bright light shinning into his room You could get a pair of thick curtains to keep out the light. It also bright early in the morning so he might find it hard to go back to sleep if he sees its bright out if he waked up early.

LadyMayBelle

Few things come to mind.

*Exercise; sounds like he's out and about all day, great! Maybe he needs a bit more; what about swimming, a cycle, a brisk walk with you to the shops?

*Diet; what's his eating habits? What's he having after 5/6pm; could something be keeping him awake? Turkey and milk both contain natural sleep inducers

*Enviroment; those black out curtains are a god send! Is his room conducive to sleep? Is there a low light that might help? Is it calming colour with as less distraction as possible?

*Night time routine; have you tried an audio book? Great for kids and they relax listening to them. Is it all go go go before bed, or can he have a bath (like a baby, you need to sleep train kids too!), try some lavender drops or oils, relaxing breathing? Do something more chileld out before he goes to bed.Adjust his time going to bed too, and that'll help

*Emotional: has he genuinely got stuff on his mind maybe? Try a worry box in case he does; he can deposit worries into the box as so to get rid of them and get a nights sleep. He sees youre anxious about his sleeping and will assume that too.

Id try all of these first for a period of time before seeking a GP to be honest. One other thing; is it affecting him during the day (schoolwork etc), or does he seem to get by?

Miss Lockhart

Following a good relaxing routine and developing goid sleep habits is very important but it is very normal for teens and pre-teens to be unable to sleep until later - often until around midnight. There is a phase-delay in sleep onset following puberty due to altered melatonin release patterns.

Unfortunately society is not willing to accommodate teens by allowing them to follow the natural sleep pattern (although there is a worldwide movement among chronobiologists, sleep specialists and educators for later school start times) so struggling through it is really the only option.

A chat with your GP to rule out any other concerns wouldn't do any harm though.

_Whimsical_

Talk to him to see if he's anxious about anything and give him any reassurances he needs. Tears,moodiness and insomnia could be due to stress or anxiety.

Maybe get him a book on cd or mp3. Lying down in the dark listening to something might get him into a relaxed zone more easily and he might be less conscious of the quietness or loneliness he might feel without you in the room.

CookieMonster.x

He could be nervous about not having the security of you right beside him. You could try sitting in the room with him facing away from him for a few nights until he gets to sleep. I can't remember where I saw this but I think it was for toddlers in their own room, it might work for you. I'd say he's nervous on his own.

Fittle

Thanks for all the helpful advice, very much appreciated.

I do think it is psychological...he says he needs me beside him before he can sleep - I've often lay down beside him and he'd nod off in less than an hour! But if I don't, it could go on for hours.

His 'worry' is possibly that it was himself and myself on our own for years...I now have a partner and I admit that while he's still my number one, he doesn't get the same level of attention he would have gotten in the past. There are times when I sit and talk to him about all this and get all Dr. Phil, and other times, when it annoys me that he still wants it to be just the two of us (sorry, I sound very selfish there!) and I end up letting a roar and telling him to just go to sleep!!

Anyhow, I bought some books and I like the idea of the CD too...I'll try anything at this stage...

LadyMayBelle

ah I see , poor lad is anxious because a new man has come into the little safe haven ye have had! Normal reaction really, Id make a bit of a fuss about his room, maybe a new duvet set or lamp or something and give me opportunities to talk about his feelings on the new guy.

Fittle

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

ah I see , poor lad is anxious because a new man has come into the little safe haven ye have had! Normal reaction really, Id make a bit of a fuss about his room, maybe a new duvet set or lamp or something and give me opportunities to talk about his feelings on the new guy.

Have done all of this...even gave him a bigger room with a double bed!!

LadyMayBelle

And the other suggestions? It takes time; sounds like youve done a lot. He wont always want to sleep in your bed, there will be a time where he wont want to go near your room never mind the bed. Good luck with the audio cd and books; you can get audiobooks from the library and lots are available free online too

_Whimsical_

Aww poor little guy, it's no wonder he's feeling that sense of anxiety then and finding it harder to settle. It's not your fault ,its understandable you want someone in your life but its understandable that he'll feel worried about things changing. I'm sure you've done everything you can do. Maybe it might help to come at it from a different angle with him, plan for things ye will do together and tell him he's the most important relationship to you and you want to make sure that you have special time when its only you and him.Make him feel your need of him rather than that your scrambling to fill his needs. Sometimes even something small like reading a book together over a wk or two or listening to a story on cd. It's relaxing and you can talk about it and ask what do you think will happen next etc. It can create a bond.,might make him feel a bit more like he's sharing something special with you.

As LadyMayBelle says there's probably only a year or two left where he'll feel like this, after that he'll be much more independent. These are very precious years for you, ones you'll never get back. I totally understand your impatience and need for a relationship but in ten years this BF might be a distant memory, the time with your son and the memories of it will be with you till you die. Keep him very much number one, even if his needs are greater than you wish atm. That will change with age and his teen years will be so much easier for you both if you keep a strong connection.

Fittle

Thanks.

We have a very special, close relationship as I mentioned. I do all those things with him. We have 'our' time at least once a day, where we sit and chat about his day, my day and life in general, just the two of us. I make a special point of calling him into the house, and sitting with him for those ten minutes (when I can get him in off the road!), because I understand that things have changed for him, and I've done as much as I possibly can to help him through that change.

The boyfriend and I are getting married, so hopefully he won't be a distant memory in 10 years;)

He is not the only kid to experience change, nor will he be the last - he has coped well with it, and gets on well with my partner...it's just this sleep problem that seems to be getting worse.