Nearly killed someone.... still cant stop thinking about it.

Asporadic

Years ago when I was a teenager (no jokes) and working in a different job I was in charge of chain work. Basically the chains were holding up some serious weights.

Its a long story but to keep it short and sweet. I didnt realise there was a guy standing right under the weights. I was messing around with them and was going to release it, I had every intention of doing it, and to this day I have no idea why I didnt, but for some reason I put it down and turned around. When I turned around and saw the guy standing there I got the biggest fright of my life. If I had of released that chain he would have been killed.

I still get upset sometimes (like right now) about it Just every now and then I think about it and it gets me down. Nothing happened the guy. I more than learned my lesson. Sometimes I just cant seem to let go of it.

Neyite

Firstly, did you have any health and safety training before you were operating that task? Did the other guy? Were there health and safety procedures such as warning signs, floor markings or any training given to staff?

You were a teen. If you had no safety training and there were no safety procedures or checks in place then the blame for the near-accident lies solely with your employer, not you.

Think about it this way. Every day of the week that I'm driving, I might nearly kill someone by my actions or lack of attention on the road. So like you with the chain, I might be almost ready to overtake but something - whether its my common sense coming to the fore, or automatic good driving practice makes me think again, and just as I have changed my mind about overtaking, an oncoming car will appear and I will realise that had I done what I thought about doing, I would have caused a crash.

I think you should actually pat yourself on the back for being aware enough to pull yourself back at the last moment and prevent a tragedy from occuring.

Asporadic

Neyite wrote: »

Firstly, did you have any health and safety training before you were operating that task? Did the other guy? Were there health and safety procedures such as warning signs, floor markings or any training given to staff?

You were a teen. If you had no safety training and there were no safety procedures or checks in place then the blame for the near-accident lies solely with your employer, not you.

Think about it this way. Every day of the week that I'm driving, I might nearly kill someone by my actions or lack of attention on the road. So like you with the chain, I might be almost ready to overtake but something - whether its my common sense coming to the fore, or automatic good driving practice makes me think again, and just as I have changed my mind about overtaking, an oncoming car will appear and I will realise that had I done what I thought about doing, I would have caused a crash.

I think you should actually pat yourself on the back for being aware enough to pull yourself back at the last moment and prevent a tragedy from occuring.

There was any gods amount of training and safety checks and I had gotten a few warnings before for messing with chains. I was just been a reckless teenager that thought he had it all figured out. I did a lot of growing up that day.

Im wondering is it normal to still feel like this years and years later. Usually I think about it and then think "what if", "I would have went to jail", "what would my life be like now" and then I think about all the bad things. Im not sure if I need councelling, or is it something Im always going to get. Usually think about it a few times a year.

strandroad

If it keeps coming back and acts as a trigger for other bad thoughts it wouldn't hurt to go to a counselling session or two and work it out.

Stavro Mueller

I've had a few near misses in my car including one that caused me to shake after the event. What I do is tell myself that I got away with it and vow never to put myself into that situation again. I try to turn incidents like these into something I can learn from and not repeat. Even though you are beating yourself up too much about this, it is showing you in a positive light. If you are regretting what you were like and what a near miss this was, it demonstrates that you are indeed a changed person.

Teenagers can be colossally stupid sometimes and slow at realising the full implications of their actions. You really weren't any different to the vast majority of teenagers out there who believe that they know it all and find rules and regulations astonishingly boring. It's unfortunate that it took this particular shock for the message to hit home but at least you weren't bone-headed enough to ignore it.

Queen-Mise

Yeah - those memories come back all right. Acknowledging them (memories) is what I would suggest - maybe go and light a candle, and be thankful that you stopped that day.

I have a few ones that are similar. One friend in England, committed suicide about 5/6 hours after leaving a house I was in, one night when babysitting for someone. I wonder was he looking for help, was it going through his head at the time
This happened about 18 years ago and it still crosses my mind nearly every day. I don't know if I could have done anything for him.
Within about 10 days - another really close friend died too of suicide. One or the other of them crosses my mind every few days. I often, often wonder could I have done anything for either of them.




My daughter could very easily have died last August, in a very random accident - she has a lovely scar now but is otherwise ok.

I think when death breathes down your neck a bit, even if it is not yourself, it does affect you. Especially if you think it is in some way your fault.

Let it go, if you can, light a candle. Talk to someone professional, or even talk to your friends. You'd be surprised, I think we all have near death experiences stories. And they do help to listen, talk about.

Dave!

Asporadic wrote: »

I was just [...] a reckless teenager

Exactly.

You're not anymore.

Try not to dwell on dumb things you did in the past. We've all been there, and done things which could have had really terrible outcomes. It's a part of growing up.

haveabanana

I'd a situation like this last year, working on a farm in oz where I was driving a tractor with a skip on a trailer at the back , and one of the other lads was standing on the trailer behind the skip. I clipped the skip with a tree while turning a corner and knocked it off the trailer, I was full sure he'd been crushed to death, but thankfully he got out of the way, i was never so relieved. In my case there was no health and safety training and I shouldn't have been allowed drive a tractor. I was shook for a few weeks after it, and it still sends shivers down my spine thinking about it. I'm more or less over it now and i any time I think about it I just thank god or whatever is out there that he was ok. If you've learned your lesson op I wouldn't worry about it too much, just be thankful it ended up ok, but if it's consuming you maybe counselling wouldn't be a bad idea like mhge said.

valor

mhge wrote: »

If it keeps coming back and acts as a trigger for other bad thoughts it wouldn't hurt to go to a counselling session or two and work it out.

strongly agree with this, go talk to someone about it. Talking and sharing almost always helps

We've all had those stupid and silly thoughts when we are younger. A friend of mine once pointed a shotgun at my face and pulled the trigger when we were young teens. If he hadn't 100% made sure his father hadn't left shells in there, then I wouldn't be here today to type this message. I'm sure there have been times when I almost killed someone or myself through different things.

Have you had similar urges recently, OP? If you have or if it is something that genuinely bothers you, then go talk to someone about it.

clarkycat

Hey my life is going good at the moment. but im thinking about that something "nearly" happened. its actually starting to freak me out. all those near close calls. so i booked myself into counselling. im actually going in the next half hour. im going through my life thinking about stuff...as in if i made this mistake or this decision my life would have been ruined. cant stop fixating on it!! ur not the only one

Taltos

As this thread is now a month old and the OP has not been back we are closing it. Best of luck though clarkycat