Like this girl, but one major problem.

LegacyUser

So I have been seeing this girl recently we get on really well and I do like her, but she is an escort.

It started a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling a bit lonely and a little stupid and I visited an escort. It was during the day and I was sober. When she opened the door we clicked instantly. I prepaid for half an hour but ended up staying with her closer to three hours. We didn't just have sex, but we also talked and cuddled and even fell asleep together. She told me real things about her, like her real name for example. When I left she gave me her personal number because I had suggested we go for dinner. So flash forward a couple of weeks and I have dated her a few times and no money has crossed hands. I think I really like her, but how am I supposed to deal with what she does for a living. I think if she quit I could get over it, but I don't know if she will quit for me.

I am really at a loss. I have dated stripper in the past, but I never really had any strong feelings for them so I wasn't as concerned. But I think I am developing feelings for this girl. If my friends and family ever met her and found out, I could never live it down.

She still advertised on a site in Ireland and sometimes I read the reviews people left her and feel sick in my stomach like a fear.

Any Advice is welcome, I understand it's a strange situation, but I would love some input.

LegacyUser

Ask her is she willing to quit for you. But hard when it's only been a couple of weeks. Maybe give it another couple of weeks or more, if feelings continue to develop for 'BOTH' of you, then she should seriously consider quitting, that's how you'll find out if she really likes you. But she will worry about trying to find another job, a suitable one.

judgefudge

Weird one. If you met her through her job you can't really judge her over it. It's obviously the way she chooses to earn money.

At the same time I can see why it would upset you.

Talk to her about it. If she's unwilling to quit (which is her choice) then I'd probably walk away from it for your own sanity.

Lenmeister

Only thing you can do is ask her. No other way to find out really. Man up and put it to her. It's a big ask of someone to leave their job for you, but only one way to find out

crazygeryy

this is just a thought that came into my head, but are you sure shes not looking for a way out as in a sugar daddy.someone to leech off of?
don't get me wrong, good luck with it and all that but just be careful to.
you wouldn't be the first to fall for an escort bowing to your every whim and need.

Lenmeister

Well I'm sure everyone would be thinking that but it's just a risk he'll have to take.

trio

You cannot tell someone you have been dating for TWO WEEKS "I hate your job - quit".

You also don't have much of an argument for her to quit. "I don't like you having sex for money even though just two weeks ago I had cash in my pocket ready to pay you for sex"

If you really can't handle it (and it seems you can't), then leave it so now. At least two weeks in she'll forget about you fairly quickly.

LegacyUser

Hi all and thanks for your reply's. If she is looking for a sugar daddy, I don't think I will very helpful there. I have a good job, but I'm not a millionaire or anything and she knows that. But it's also a big worry for me, what is this is all an act. I have been with 2 escorts in my life, once while in Amsterdam and this girl, so being inexperienced in this area I am not sure if all the girls are like this. When we date I pay for dinner and then she would come back to mine but I would never give her money directly. Am I completely naive here? Is this common with escorts?

My fear is that I am missing some grander scheme of hers. It's very hard to trust her at the moment. but at the same time we do connect. We've talked about getting more serious and she said it can be hard with what she does. She said she has never had a real boyfriend.

My common sense says I should run a mile, that she is not in a place to be with me atm. But at the same time I do have a connection with her. Maybe I should leave it but I honestly haven't felt like this about someone in a long time. I have been on 100's of dates and they all seem to annoy me or I will find something about them that I find so unattractive that I can't see them anymore. With her, it's like I already know her darkest secret so what else could she be hiding. Anyway thanks for the replies.

msg11

Leaving the whole escourt side of things for a moment.

Are there any signs that she is just messing you around?

As for what to do. Well it's quite clear you like this girl, I suppose the best advise I can give to you is just fall back on your default gut reaction. Even at that maybe have a chat with her about her line of work. Been honest, it's not going to be easy getting this up and running.

beks101

Have you had a conversation about what's going on between the two of you? Are you exclusive? Or does she see it more as a casual type of thing?

I'd be inclined to think no-one in their right mind will quit their job, no matter what it is, because a guy they've been dating for a few short weeks isn't happy about it. This is her livelihood, perhaps one that she needs a little more desperately than someone in a different line of work given her profession.

Are you willing to continue seeing her if she continues to escort? Can you deal with that?

LegacyUser

I'd say go slowly, as with any other relationship.

Obviously it's too early to ask her to leave her job. I suppose you could ask about her ideas on a faraway future, "if she would ever fall in love with someone [not necessarily with you], would she leave her job?"/does she see herself wanting a family/children *in the future*...

But all this should be asked in a very light tone, the same way you would ask "if you won the lotto, what would you do? If you could visit one foreign country, what would it be?" - totally hypothetical and conversational.

As for feelings/clicking/etc, I know this happens to all of us but usually there is a high degree of projection - the famous "fall in love with the idea of the person and not the person". So tread carefully there, cos it may just be infatuation. I'm sure she must be very pretty and as you said, there is the aspect of you knowing her "darker secrets" (which in fairness may be something else totally unrelated to her job) and maybe a bit of the fantasy of saving her.

If you have nothing to lose, go on dates with her. But make sure you don't get attached too soon. Even if she's not plotting anything, you have a big white elephant in the room and you guys would have to deal with that sooner or later, so you need to have your head working properly to do so - and love usually cloud thoughts and actions.

It's quite possible she is not plotting anything, and is just as confused as you are. It must be tough for her never being able to be emotionally attached to a true boyfriend, but it would be equally tough (and scary) leaving a "career" where she makes good money and pay her bills to start from scratch in a new job. It's quite possible she quitted school early and doesn't have training in other areas that would allow her to transition smoothly to another job that allows her the same standard of living.