Is it me ?

Supersiderman

The missus and myself are trying for a baby. We have been at it every chance we get for around three months but nothing. She has a child from a previous relationship so we know it's not her. Her friend found out she is pregnant and this has seriously made my gf question what is wrong with me. Why can't you get me pregnant and also saying well at least her friend's bf can her pregnant.

What do I say or do

pwurple

Supersiderman wrote: »

The missus and myself are trying for a baby. We have been at it every chance we get for around three months but nothing. She has a child from a previous relationship so we know it's not her. Her friend found out she is pregnant and this has seriously made my gf question what is wrong with me. Why can't you get me pregnant and also saying well at least her friend's bf can her pregnant.

What do I say or do

? Is it your missus or your girlfriend you are trying to impregnate there?

Normal fertile couples take at an average of 6 months to conceive if trying. 3 months is too short.

I'd be slow enough to have a baby with someone who is saying those kinds of things to you.

Fertility isn't a blame game for a start. It may well 'be her', as any number of things can happen since a previous child. She could have a cyst for example that she doesn't know about. Those can come and go at any time.

Supersiderman

It's my girlfriend but I call her the missus. Thanks for the advice. I told her it will happen and who cares if her mates have 20 kids. She really wants another baby and we have been trying before her friend started trying. I'm hitting late thirties, she is mid twenties so I presumed it was me.
She has been taking tablets to boost her fertilty, bought a stick that tells her what
Week it is best to conceive.

I feel really under pressure about it now. She would say you better get me pregnant. I know she is only joking but when her period came she was so disappointed

eviltwin

I can understand she is upset as couples ttc often can be when people around them get pregnant and they struggle but playing the blame game isn't helping anyone.

3 months is quite a short amount of time. Are you tracking her cycle so you know the days she is ovulating? You could try googling sperm meets egg plan which is a natural way to boost your chances of conception. Worth a try before you start going down the medical route.

As Pwurple says having a baby easily enough isn't a guarantee that its going to happen as easily in the future, age alone is a factor let alone anything else.

I think you need to have a talk with her and work out a plan of action, take into account your lifestyles as well, things like a healthy diet, not smoking etc will help your chances. But at the moment her comments to you would be a flag if I was you. You don't need that kind of pressure or those hurtful comments.

Das Kitty

It could still be her fertility, in spite of already having a child.

Friends of mine got pregnant first time with their first. When they started trying for their second they hit some trouble, and after a lot of investigation it seems like their ease the first time around was a massive fluke as they were both having fertility issues (and would have been on the first conception too).

I know she's stressed, but it's not fair that she's making these 'jokes'.

Supersiderman

She taking all sorts of tablets the Doctors advised. She takes notes of when we done it etc.

She never had to do this with her ex. I feel less of a man that I probably can't father a child.

Supersiderman

Out of all her mates boyfriends. I am much older than them. I'm not far off 40 and they or my gf are not near 30 yet.

pwurple

Sperm analysis doesn't cost much. Go get it done and put your mind at ease.

Supersiderman

pwurple wrote: »

Sperm analysis doesn't cost much. Go get it done and put your mind at ease.

Where do I get this done.

Mr.Fred

" Why can't you get me pregnant and also saying well at least her friend's bf can her pregnant. "

Fairly sure her saying this kind of crap won't help matters.

It's just a matter of time but getting stressed about it will only have a negative effect and there's nothing to say the issue isn't with your partner either.

If it puts you at ease go and see how active your swimmers are and if all is good you can throw it back in her face (childish dig I know)

To be honest I wouldn't have much interest in starting a family with her attitude.

pwurple

Supersiderman wrote: »

Where do I get this done.

Gp

lollisue

Given your ages its far too early to be worrying about this. If she isn't pregnant within a year then go seek help but 3 months when she is mid twenties is nothing. Even if everything is in good working order and you get the timing spot on, you only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month. It can take time. Just try to relax and enjoy for now.

Neyite

Supersiderman wrote: »

She taking all sorts of tablets the Doctors advised. She takes notes of when we done it etc.

She never had to do this with her ex. I feel less of a man that I probably can't father a child.

Firstly, was she on the pill? Withdrawal of hormonal contraceptive can take up to a year for some women to return to full fertility, but for most women its anything from right away to 6 months to get pregnant after coming off the pill.

Secondly, the GP put her on tablets after mere months?? Either you mean over-the-counter vitamin supplements such as folic acid or multivitamin or actual prescribed fertility medication. I'm presuming the former because it would be an awful muppet of a GP to put a woman in her early twenties with no prior issues on fertility meds after a few months. So, if its folic acid or vitamins, they are not "tablets" and while they are beneficial to a baby, they are not an aid to help her get pregnant easier.

If you are having sex at the wrong times of the month, all the notes in the world wont do any good. By the sounds of it, she is using Ovulation Prediction sticks. In this case, they measure a chemical in the urine called Lutenising Hormone that peaks about 48 hrs before ovulation. So, when she gets the LH surge, its time to start trying.

The egg lasts for 12 hrs. This means that your sperm should ideally have travelled there to meet it as sperm can live for up to 5 days. Its important that you dont save it all up and make sure that you clear your pipes regularly so that fresh sperm continually gets produced. They usually recommend every couple of days that you should ejaculate, so that there is young fresh sperm there when you need it on your key dates, if you know what I mean.

Also, consider if you are using any lubricant - there are sperm-friendly ones on the market - Preseed and Conceive Plus are two I can think of. Others can contain spermicide which will hinder your efforts.

As for you, lots of fresh fruit and veg, if you smoke, quit. If you drink, reduce your intake to well below the weekly max of 21 units. Consider taking a zinc supplement.

A sperm analysis can be done in any fertility clinic as far as I know. You go in, are shown to a room to take as long as you need, produce the sample, which is analysed by the lab immediately. You usually have the results in about an hour. It can cost in the region of €100 to €150 depending on the clinic.

I would recommend that you get a SA done. If nothing else, to put your mind at ease. I think she is well out of order and quite cruel to you taunting you like that (and it would make me question actually having a baby with someone like that). It could just as easily be her getting her dates wrong and doing it on the wrong days. Why blame you?

nikpmup

+1 on all of the above. I think, if you are seriously considering having a family with this woman, that you FIRST need to sit her down and have a frank discussion with her about her attitude.

I was married and we were trying to conceive from before we got the rings on. We tried for a year before seeing the GP, who diagnosed male factor infertility - he had a low sperm count and poor motility (slow swimmers) My tests came back clear. We embarked on a long, frustrating road of treatments and IVF, none of which worked. My husband was devastated. However, during all this time, I never ONCE blamed him - as far as I was concerned, this was OUR fertility as a couple, not his or mine. I would never, ever have dreamed of placing the blame at his feet, even with a diagnosis of male infertility - it would have been cruel and unnecessary, even though month after month I was devastated to get my period, and even when IVF failed. I certainly would never have dreamed of telling him that another man could get me pregnant.

A few years after my husband passed away, I met my current partner. We discussed babies fairly soon and started trying - it still took about 8/9 months of trying to conceive. Again, I was disappointed whenever I got my period, and we talked about going for tests but if it had turned out that we had a problem, again I would never ever dream if blaming him.

While I understand all too well the bitter disappointment that comes with your period if you are trying for a baby, there is NO excuse for your girlfriend to lash out and hurt you the way she is. I had ten years of not getting pregnant - your girlfriend has only had a few months. Talk to her, tell her that you cannot accept the way she's blaming you. FWIW, even if there was a problem with your fertility, it in NO WAY makes you less of a man - your manhood is defined by far, far more than what's in your ejaculate. My practical advise is the same as the other posters, adopt a healthy lifestyle, (both of you) eat a good balanced diet - if you feel you want to improve your vitamin intake, try Wellman vitamins (available from supermarkets/chemists) and continue to have regular sex. If after a year there's no result, then is the time for both of you to attend the GP for tests - as the other posters have said, there are a hundred reasons why her fertility may have lessened since having her child. Above all else, before you continue down this road, make it clear to her that you will not try to have a child with someone who demeans you and blames you for not getting her pregnant - cruelty and resentment is the worst atmosphere I can think of to think about raising a child in. Good luck.

josip

Nothing new to add OP but agree with everything everyone else said. By all means get a semen analysis done but also be sure you want to have children with someone who's been saying these things to you.

wolfpawnat

OP, I am in my mid twenties, as is my OH and we had unprotected sex for 18 months, given up and gone back to using contraception before I got pregnant. Stress does not help and neither dies nasty comments from your OH.

understand she is frustrated, but this is not your fault, 3 months is nothing, the norm is around 6. Some people it only takes the once, with others (ironically usually the ones trying for a baby) it takes months.

ameee

I know a few couples that got prenant very easily even accidentally the first time and had difficulties the second time so its not definitely you, it could just as easily be her. I can understand its very frustrating but I would seriously question her behavior towards you. This is a time you should be working together and supporting each other and she is being childish and nasty. I feel very sorry for you if its you who has fertility issues as she sounds like she would be horrible about it.

Agree with previous posts. We had our first no bother. When we'd been trying for 6 months without success for a second one, we went to GP. He sent us to a fertility clinic, where they found the problem was with me, not Hubby. We did have a perfect healthy baby after 5 (FIVE) years, with no outside help! You both need to discuss this calmly, they see your GP and be guided by him.

LegacyUser

I would have a serious chat with her about what she is saying and how she is treating you because she is not pregnant after 3 months of trying.
At your girlfriends age her doctor will not do tests or refer her for investigations ect unless she has being trying to get pregnant for 12 months.

From what you have told us this would be a warning of what the future could hold with her. For some couples getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having a healthy baby at the end can be a test for the strongest relationship.
You both need to remember that if you have a child together your child deserves to grow up with parents who are not using them as a sticking plaster on a bad relationship.

I would advise that if your girlfriend is overweight she lose weight as it will help her get pregnant and give her a better chance having a health pregnancy.
Also you both need to have a healthy diet and don't smoke. I would also follow nikpmup advice given here.