I don't know what to do, cant back out

queenofsteel1

My best mate loves tennis and really wanted to go to Wimbledon this year so I said I would go too. But now I have changed my mind. The accomodation we have booked is terrible but is "cheap" so we have to stay there as he is on a budget. I am also suffering with extreme lack of confidence, depression anxiety and anorexia at present and have recently started seein a counsellor for this. I am just so wound up I really dont want to go and dont know what to do. I cant back out now.

who what when

Stop worrying and go, you will probably gave a good time.

Marsden

I get the hump any time I plan to go somewhere. I'd rather stay at home. Whenever I go through with it I end up enjoying myself and when I don't I regret not going. Even if it's not great fun it's better than staying home and feeling bad about yourself.

Lorna123

I really think you should go on account of you promising your best mate you would. That's what good mates are for. I am sure that the whole experience will do you good. Don't over think it or you will never go anywhere or do anything and you don't want to lose your good mate either. Remember you have to be a good mate in order to have one and being there for him will give you a tremendous boost of confidence.

Stavro Mueller

You've already turned this into a negative experience before you've even gone. There really is an awful lot to be said for stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something like this. It can only do you good.

So what if the accommodation isn't as nice as you'd like. It's not as if you're moving into it. Look at it as somewhere to lay your head and a place you'll never see again soon. I doubt very much that you and your mate will be sat in every evening staring at the four walls of the place. As for the tennis itself, even if you're not a fan you'll get a kick out of the atmosphere. I've gone to things I'd not necessarily be a fan of and had a ball because of the occasion it was.

It's also worth remembering that if you let your friend down, you run the risk of damaging the friendship. Put yourself in your friend's shoes - what would you think if your pal pulled the rug out from in under something you were looking forward to? Would you ever be able to put that behind you and move on?

DoozerT6

I truly know what it's like to feel like you HAVE to do something when you really don't want to - but try and turn this on it's head: you're not going somewhere to clean toilets, or going to a funeral, or attending a really boooooooring seminar, you're going to WIMBLEDON! You're also going to make your friend happy, have a few days out of your own routine, and see men in short shorts

I HAD to attend my friends hubby's 40th birthday party last year - due to my own personal headspace, I really did NOT want to go, insofar as I was actually sitting in the car outside my house for ages before going to the venue trying to think up a credible excuse to get out of it...but I sucked it up and went and actually had a really good time and just as importantly, my friend was so thrilled that I came. She still talks about the party

I'm not saying you should martyr yourself just for your friends enjoyment, but in this case I think you might actually enjoy it. I genuinely think it could be a pleasant experience, and perhaps lift your mood? As a CBT counsellor once said to me:' Activation PRECEDES Motivation!'

ABajaninCork

Going to Wimbledon?? You lucky stiff!! I grew up in the area, and let me tell you, Wimbledon is the BEST fun!! Used to hang around the courts as a kid and wait for people coming out. They'd give us their tickets and we used to go in to watch the games. Not on the big courts mind, but still good fun. This of course was pre-debenture days...Aorangi Park is nice to stroll around in and the village is very pretty. You can sit out, have a coffee and watch all the tennis players go by.

You're in the best spot for pubs and nightlife too. There's a very good selection of bars and restaurants. Kingston, Putney and Richmond are easily accessible from Wimbers via the District Line if you fancy a change. Plenty of cafes and so on in Southfields too (where the AELTC actually is) You can get a bus to Wandsworth (either a 39 or 156) which isn't far either. West End is also easily reached via the overhead.

Go. I bet you'll have a great time!!

December2012

Talk your fear over with your counsellor. Starting therapy is not necessarily a reason to put your life on hold.

queenofsteel1

We have the accomodation sorted, but I am still not completely gone on the idea of Wimbledon. I want to go to London but we are there for such short time I dont want to waste the whole day queing and then just watching a match like he does I want to do my own thing and shop and see the sights. Would I be a very bad bad b**** if I let him go on his own and me go my way and we meet after?

Citycap

I think that you should go. Your friend is surely aware of your medical condition and is probably trying to help you. After all going on a break with a neurotic depressive anorexiac doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs.
Why not attend at Wimbledon until the mid afternoon and then arrange with your friend that you will catch up with him later. Then off you go to Westfield in Shepherds Bush for the shopping. On a short break you wont really have much time for shopping. If your friend was willing take the ferry trip from Westminster to Greenwich and have a stroll around then

ABajaninCork

Citycap wrote: »

I think that you should go. Your friend is surely aware of your medical condition and is probably trying to help you. After all going on a break with a neurotic depressive anorexiac doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs.
Why not attend at Wimbledon until the mid afternoon and then arrange with your friend that you will catch up with him later. Then off you go to Westfield in Shepherds Bush for the shopping. On a short break you wont really have much time for shopping. If your friend was willing take the ferry trip from Westminster to Greenwich and have a stroll around then

Probably quicker to hop a 220 from Wandsworth to White City (where Westfield is). If time's short might take too long to get to Westminster Pier...Greenwich is lovely though, especially if the weather's good.

She Who Dares Wins

DELETE !!

DoozerT6

She Who Dares Wins wrote: »

To to frank, yes you would! You agreed to go, your friend made plans based on this agreement. You're wound up in indulging your own wants now and stuff your friend. Is letting someone down actually going to make you feel better about yourself? Also discuss narcissism with your counselor. :mad:

Narcissism?? Bit harsh there.

OP I know Wimbledon may not be your thing, but feck it, it's kinda once in a lifetime experience - and honestly, if the agreement was to go to a tennis match with your friend, to suggest that you do your own thing while he goes to the match (when he organised the trip thinking ye were both going to the tennis) may not be the best call. I'd suggest you use this experience to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little - do something that makes you a little nervous! Get there early, have some Pimms, some strawberries and cream, do some people watching, buy some souvenirs, and who knows, the tennis might be electrifying!

And London Town will still be open after the match is over....make it a late night, perhaps??

queenofsteel1

She Who Dares Wins wrote: »

To to frank, yes you would! You agreed to go, your friend made plans based on this agreement. You're wound up in indulging your own wants now and stuff your friend. Is letting someone down actually going to make you feel better about yourself? Also discuss narcissism with your counselor. :mad:

How dare you call me narcisstic. I made it clear from the beginning of this post I am suffering from anorexia and depression which has come on from a much deeper trauma so forgive me if I think of myself but maybe I am thinking of my friend who would probably have a better time going on his own without someone who is not in a good head space at this moment in time. Maybe you should think before you speak.

homemadecider

In fairness, if you agreed to go to Wimbledon together then it would be very bad form of you to suggest he now goes on his own so you can potter about London. Stick to your original arrangements, it's called being a reliable friend.

Taltos

She Who Dares Wins, DoozerT6 & Citycap

welcome to PI. As this is a strictly moderated forum please take some time now to read our charter before posting again.

Citycap & DoozerT6 - we have deleted your posts, we ask all posters to refrain from posting if they don't have any constructive advice to offer. Off topic discussions or posts will result in moderator action, up to and including bans.
She Who Dares Wins - online diagnoses are not permitted here and can result in bans being issued. Please don't repeat such posts.

OP, please don't reply to such posts, merely report them. By the nature of the web you are not going to always hear advice you agree with and sometimes you may get a response that just annoys you. In such cases, just report them, mods will review and may take action but otherwise just try to ignore them.

Thank
Taltos

will.i.am

Hi OP!
I posted here a couple of weeks ago about going to a friends 21st and being very nervous and anxious about going because I was badly bullied by some the people that were going to be there for years when I was at school.
I promised this guy I would go and he knew I was a but nervous about going but he really wanted me to go. This guy also get depressed a lot and I knew people would say they would go and not turn up and this would have really put him down.
I barely slept the night before the 21st and I tried to keep myself busy on the day of it to distract myself from it. I was advised here to go and to be honest I was planning on not going even tough I told him I would because I was worried about meeting the old school bullies. So at the spur of the moment I decided to go.
When I got there I was a bit nervous and scared and I did encounter the bullies but I knew what it meant to my friend and I saw how it made him happy. When I was there and to be honest I had a good time to.
My advice to you would be to. For a few reasons.
Well first of all you promised your friend that is important thing because your friend would be there for you if you need them.
If your worried about the hotel try and spend as little time there as possible there is a lot of free activities to do in London or you could try and stay in a different hotel. In my experience most hostels/basic hotels are grand in general they are clean and comfortable. Just don't go there and being expecting to stay in the Ritz.
Also if you go there you'd be up and active and you will be facing your fears and in my experience when I am depressed the best thing I find to do is to get up and be active and phase my fear. It keeps your mind active and I find that you sort of distract yourself from your problem.
I really think you should go because you would probably have a good time with your friend!

JustAThought

homemadecider wrote: »

In fairness, if you agreed to go to Wimbledon together then it would be very bad form of you to suggest he now goes on his own so you can potter about London. Stick to your original arrangements, it's called being a reliable friend.

Tickets to Wimbledon are hard to get. No doubt you friend went to a lot of trouble to secure them , for you both . For some people the shared experience is almost as important as the event -having a friend there & someone to remember & share the day with, pass the odd comment to, enjoy the athmospher & sights with, not to mention to mind the seats while one of you goes to the loo etc.

You said you would go. It's been booked & confirmed for months. You'll be spending most of your time out & about & I hear it's a fantastic experience.

I went to a snooker ( world championship ) event that I had ZERO interest in, to support a friend & I was blown away by the atmosphere -will never forget it -live sport at that level it unbelievable to watch & be part of the fried in. It's another world entirely.

Go! And be good to your friend.

Don't make a unique event that you've committed to & have both planned around, & that they have looked forward to for months be the end of your friendship.

Sometimes you have to give to recieve.

queenofsteel1

JustAThought wrote: »

Tickets to Wimbledon are hard to get.

That's the thing we don't have tickets which is why I am apprehensive about queing for so long for possiby nothing and then we have so little time there and could be sight seeing etc

queenofsteel1

Taltos wrote: »

She Who Dares Wins, DoozerT6 & Citycap

welcome to PI. As this is a strictly moderated forum please take some time now to read our charter before posting again.

Citycap & DoozerT6 - we have deleted your posts, we ask all posters to refrain from posting if they don't have any constructive advice to offer. Off topic discussions or posts will result in moderator action, up to and including bans.
She Who Dares Wins - online diagnoses are not permitted here and can result in bans being issued. Please don't repeat such posts.

OP, please don't reply to such posts, merely report them. By the nature of the web you are not going to always hear advice you agree with and sometimes you may get a response that just annoys you. In such cases, just report them, mods will review and may take action but otherwise just try to ignore them.

Thank
Taltos

Thank you Taltos

Lorna123

queenofsteel1 wrote: »

JustAThought wrote: »

Tickets to Wimbledon are hard to get.

That's the thing we don't have tickets which is why I am apprehensive about queing for so long for possiby nothing and then we have so little time there and could be sight seeing etc

Gosh didn't realize that you don't have tickets. That puts a different light on it. I now understand a bit more why you are being put off. However, could you have a chat with your friend about your anxieties and maybe come to some agreement with him on the whole thing.

queenofsteel1

I rang Wimbledon and they said all we can get is ground passes if we start queing from that morning as those camping will get the court tickets. I explained this to him and he's still adamant we will get Into a match. I don't mind going I just don't want to waste time queing all day for nothing.

We have agreed to go our own ways shopping as I want to go to shops he won't etc. and also when we go out. I don't drink and any time I go out at home I always leave early as I get tired and feel out of place not drinking. I am going to have a few when we go over and enjoy myself but I won't be out till 4 in the morning like he plans to. But we have agreed I will go if I don't feel up to it

Taltos

That actually sounds like a great and fair compromise.
At least this way you are going to try to get tickets with him, but at the same time you are not going to waste the whole trip standing in a queue and instead will get out to do some shopping/sightseeing.

Really hope you have a great trip

ladysarah

great solution. relax and enjoy