Started seeing a counsellor but she's very close to home. What should I do?

queenofsteel1

I have recently started seeing a counsellor, I am battling with anorexia caused by underlying issues (miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy). I have never spoke about these to anyone and always dealt with these my way - by obsessing over my weight and exercise and my appearance. But it has all caught up with me so I myself have sought help.

I met with my counsellor last week and got on great with her and was looking forward to seeing her this week but after a hunch to look her up on FB I found out she is from a village about 5 miles from me and we went to the same school. My dad knows her and her family and I know she knows who I am now. She is also friends with a lot of people I know and I am not doubting her as a counsellor and I know everything has to be 100% confidential but I still just dont feel 100% comfortable opening up to someone so close to home. Can anyone empathise with this and understand?

I told my best friend that I knew her connections/friends etc and he just replied "well there is nothing you can do about it now. I am sure she is professional about her job". I know he's right but was this not a little harsh?

so now I dont know what to do. Anyone with fantastic advise please share!

sambuka41

Change counsellor. You are not obliged to stay seeing her, I'm sure she would understand if you were to say that you have too many connections in common. In reality it will only end up interfering with the therapeutic process if you feel you can't open up.

a posse ad esse

queenofsteel1 wrote: »

I have recently started seeing a counsellor, I am battling with anorexia caused by underlying issues (miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy). I have never spoke about these to anyone and always dealt with these my way - by obsessing over my weight and exercise and my appearance. But it has all caught up with me so I myself have sought help.

I met with my counsellor last week and got on great with her and was looking forward to seeing her this week but after a hunch to look her up on FB I found out she is from a village about 5 miles from me and we went to the same school. My dad knows her and her family and I know she knows who I am now. She is also friends with a lot of people I know and I am not doubting her as a counsellor and I know everything has to be 100% confidential but I still just dont feel 100% comfortable opening up to someone so close to home. Can anyone empathise with this and understand?

I told my best friend that I knew her connections/friends etc and he just replied "well there is nothing you can do about it now. I am sure she is professional about her job". I know he's right but was this not a little harsh?

so now I dont know what to do. Anyone with fantastic advise please share!

If you do get on great with her, I would not see a problem. If she is professional and has a licence everything you share with her would be between you, her and the four walls. It can be hard for some to find a counsellor that they click with.

Hersheys

Aye, I saw a therapist for a few months from the next town over, she was good friends with my friends mam and on one or two occasions I called over to my friends house for dinner and the therapist was there. Was a bit awkward at first as I didn't know how to act but she just acted as normal, asking me polite questions she already knew the answer to in order to keep the pretense up of being strangers.

If you're concerned, talk to her. Tell her that you're worried about it. Any good counsellor will reassure you.

And believe me, it is next to impossible to find a counsellor you click with so stick with her if you can.

Greenduck

As a trainee therapist we are told that if there is EVER an occasion where you might know your clients friends or family you should end therapy immediately and suggest a new therapist. This is to ensure complete discretion and respect for the client.

You should definitely talk to your therapist about this - it is quite common and something she/he should be able to handle professionally.

BerryBlue

Have you decided what to do OP??

My two cents worth - I think if you like her and can open up to her (you said you were looking forward to your session until you realised she knew who you knew). I have seen some councellors and to be honest its hard to find someone you like or 'click' with. The best thing you can do is talk to her about your concerns - serioulsy - she will be happy you brought it up and depending on whats said you can make your decision - but don't write her off immediately - its very hard to go to therapy and expose the deep hurt and you need that to be protected to feel safe and comfortable. I'm not a therapist/councellor - but have friends who are, and there is no doubt in my mind that anyone in that profession takes privacy and confidentiality as the most important thing they can offer to you so that you can deal with your issues.

On the other hand - if its just too uncomfortable for you, then do go and seek out another therapist - my advice would be to first - see if you can get a recommendation ( I can if recommend if you like - someone who has helped me) or to look up different therapists and speak to them on the phone first and trust your instincts with who you think you like/ could connect with. Its a difficult/expensive process - but if you find the right person, money doesn't come in to it.

It sounds like you have gone through really really tough times - and not talking about it and holding it in is not good - you need to get it out & have some healing around it, so fair play to you for looking for help, its not easy! But you're on the right track, and you deserve to be able to deal / cope with what happened and move on with your life.

I really wish you the best of luck!

beks101

If you think this is something that will interfere with the therapeutic process, it's vital that you change counsellors. Otherwise it's just a waste of your time and money.

I had a similar-ish experience with a counsellor I had just started seeing for deeply personal issues. Got on like a house on fire, but he was male and I found him very attractive - and mad as it sounds - it just was too big a problem for me. I found myself altering versions of my life or particular incidents that had troubled me, as if to give him a particular impression of myself - and thus it seriously jeopardized my therapy.

In the end I figured, this is too much money to be forking out and I have enough issues to deal with already without things becoming further stalled by something that can easily be changed with a quick phone call.

Put yourself first here. What you are doing in opening up and endeavouring to deal with this personal problem is very brave and scary, and you deserve to feel 100% comfortable and safe in the environment you are choosing to do that in. The client confidentiality thing is largely irrelevant here - it's all about how it makes you feel.

queenofsteel1

thanks everyone for your replies. I decided to stay with her as I felt comfortable with her. I had another sessio yesterday where I cpmpletely opened up and we both shed a tear. She said she felt she needed to look after me now, so I feel we now have a bond in a way. I feel good and relaxed coming out after our sessions so I suppose that's a plus.

BerryBlue

Thats really fantastic OP! Delighted to hear it worked out so well - I think I said in my previous post how hard it can sometimes be to find the 'right' person who's going to be able to help, and it sounds like you have - it's really wonderful, I hope you do some great work with her - although its never easy - its worth it, and you really deserve it!!