Weight problem/body image

Felt tip

So after yet another fight with the O.H I have finally decided something has to be done! Last nights fight was about a holiday we have been saving for for a number of months. We are planning to visit family members of his in August BUT I am dreading it and losing sleep thinking about it and am beginning to question whether I will go:/
Basically I often find it really really tough being around lots of people, going out, eating out etc because I feel so so self conscious!!
It's mainly my weight I worry about. I think about my weight/body constantly and makes me so sad.
I was a size 8 and am now between an 8/10. Not huge i know so maybe this is more than a weight problem, it's an image problem..,
I know I sound extremely self obsessed and trivial so I apologies but I want to know how to fix this!! I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my friends over this x

Esoteric_

If you're a size 8/10, i'm going to assume you have a pretty healthy weight?

If you're a healthy weight, and not too flabby (ie, have some body tone or muscle definition), I'd recommend finding a counsellor who deals in body image, because it sounds to me (in my unprofessional opinion) that you have some serious self esteem issues and insecurities about your image. It might do you the world of good.

December2012

When an issue affects your relationship and your personal life it's time to work on resolving the issue or developing coping strategies.

You've probably tried this already before and because of the complexity if the issue, it's hard to tackle alone.

Now is the time to get some professional to help you, maybe a cbt therapist?

Well done for realising how much this problem is affecting your life and looking for a remedy.

LadyMayBelle

Do you do any exercise or class like zumba or pilates? Doing something like that will boost your energy and contentness levels and you'll feel better about yourself. Doesnt matter if youre a size 6 or 16, you'll always have days were you feel like poo and need a boost. I would seriously suggest doing something active and boost those endorphins, and you'll tone up. Winnig all round.

You say though it's mainly your weight youre sad about..what else are you affected by?

MistyCheese

OP I strongly recomend you look up Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Your bf is probably annoyed because he sees the situation as you saying "I can't do (whatever), I've gained 4lbs." But as you know yourself it's not necessarily about that, it's about how you see yourself and how you feel.

Wanderer2010

Felt tip wrote: »

So after yet another fight with the O.H I have finally decided something has to be done! Last nights fight was about a holiday we have been saving for for a number of months. We are planning to visit family members of his in August BUT I am dreading it and losing sleep thinking about it and am beginning to question whether I will go:/
Basically I often find it really really tough being around lots of people, going out, eating out etc because I feel so so self conscious!!
It's mainly my weight I worry about. I think about my weight/body constantly and makes me so sad.
I was a size 8 and am now between an 8/10. Not huge i know so maybe this is more than a weight problem, it's an image problem..,
I know I sound extremely self obsessed and trivial so I apologies but I want to know how to fix this!! I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my friends over this x

Very, very much so, OP. Im a compassionate person at heart but I cannot feel a shred of sympathy for you. You are a perfectly normal weight and you also have a boyfriend and friends, do you know how many genuinely troubled people are out there who have none of the above? I think to be honest you are fishing for compliments and your alleged problem is really not valid. Most people who look at your thread will be looking for advice for their own situation, they may overeat, have emotional eating issues etc and feel depressed over it only to read from someone who has a very very mild case of body dysmorphia. Mods, this thread should be locked. Its an insult.

blatantrereg

I was a size 8 and am now between an 8/10. Not huge i know so maybe this is more than a weight problem, it's an image problem..,

It's not a weight problem at all. Even naturally tiny women are a healthy weight and normal size at size 10. It is some different type of problem.

Even if you were much bigger and actually overweight I would think your fixation and sense of self consciousness about it were bigger concerns than the weight, and perhaps something to consider separately to your weight itself.

I don't think you sound self-obsessed or trivial. You sound like you are significantly distressed by something. Fixating on your weight is much more likely to be a result of distress rather than the root cause of it. To me (who has no idea or medical qualification) it sounds like some sort of anxiety disorder. I agree it might be a good idea to contact someone qualified to make a diagnosis.

alibab

This is a issue to you so should not be down played by others in any way . Just because you are a size 8 or 10 does not take away from your self esteem issue which is really the problem here and not size or weight .

Its impacting your everyday life and that's the time to take action before its too late . The fact you are contemplating not going on a holiday because of this is huge and i would suggest maybe seeking some help .

It doesn't matter whether your a 8 or a 18 if you don't feel good about yourself even as a size 8 it can be a huge insurmountable problem and take over your life . Telling the op to cop on and look at all she has will not help the issue

Taltos

Wanderer2010

if you have not recently done so please read our charter before posting again here.
There are a few things we ask.
> constructive advice
> no backseat moderation
> no online diagnoses

Repeated breaches of our charter will result in a loss of your posting rights here. People come here because they may not be comfortable getting advice elsewhere and just because you view an issue as trivial does not make it so in the mind of the OP.

Thanks
Taltos

Princess Peach

I used to go to group counselling for body image issues. There was a girl there probably a size 4 or 6, and another girl who was maybe a size 24. Both batteling some of the same issues with how they viewed themselves.

It's not an issue with your weight, it's with your perception of yourself. It's not trivial at all, it's a serious issue and is affecting your life and holding you back from doing things that you might otherwise enjoy.

Not sure where you are based but do some research on eating disorder organisations in your area. They deal with many aspects of body image issues. Bodywhys has a good national network. The marino clinic in Dublin is great if that's accessible for you. I think they do online support also. It's not a good way to live, and feeling like this is silly and trivial isn't going to make you want to seek help.

Have another chat with your boyfriend. Try to explain your reasoning for your decisions. Once you realise this is a real issue for you hopefully he will too and won't think you're being silly.

Felt tip

Hi guys,
OP here again. Thanks for the responses.
Firstly I did not put my actual size into the post to make anyone feel bad or to receive compliments. I have had serious eating problems in the past, bulimia, over exercising etc and I merely put my size on to show I now understand it is not my weight that is the problem. I have been smaller and still had serious body image problems.

Thank u for the suggestions. I am going to look into CBT and counseling. I kinda knew that's what was going to be said but was hoping I wouldn't have to go down that route especially as technically I don't have serious eating problems now. It just doesn't seem as important!

Thanks again.

Esoteric_

Felt tip wrote: »

Hi guys,
OP here again. Thanks for the responses.
Firstly I did not put my actual size into the post to make anyone feel bad or to receive compliments. I have had serious eating problems in the past, bulimia, over exercising etc and I merely put my size on to show I now understand it is not my weight that is the problem. I have been smaller and still had serious body image problems.

Thank u for the suggestions. I am going to look into CBT and counseling. I kinda knew that's what was going to be said but was hoping I wouldn't have to go down that route especially as technically I don't have serious eating problems now. It just doesn't seem as important!

Thanks again.

In your situation, having such bad self esteem problems is just as serious as having eating problems, because it could easily lead back to your eating problems. I wish you all the best, OP.

December2012

Yknow, sometimes adjusting to life after dealing with a huge problem can still require a little bit of professional help. Think of it as follow up.

You won't be going on the same journey you did before because you're not in the same position as before.

Princess Peach

I had the same issues as I did at my lowest weight as I did at my highest weight!

I'm glad you want to get help. I would stop my bad eating habits and making myself sick out of concern for my health, but stopping didn't make me happy or make me suddenly feel confident, and eventually I would slip up again. Seeing a psychologist about it, and going to group sessions for body self acceptance really did help me a lot, with both my eating disorder and how I felt about myself and interacting with others. We would get homework each week to help us with things that were holding us back.

I do slip up again sometimes cause I moved and stopped seeing my counsellor but recognised this and am sorting it out.

Hope you can find the support you need.

LegacyUser

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Very, very much so, OP. Im a compassionate person at heart but I cannot feel a shred of sympathy for you. You are a perfectly normal weight and you also have a boyfriend and friends, do you know how many genuinely troubled people are out there who have none of the above? I think to be honest you are fishing for compliments and your alleged problem is really not valid. Most people who look at your thread will be looking for advice for their own situation, they may overeat, have emotional eating issues etc and feel depressed over it only to read from someone who has a very very mild case of body dysmorphia. Mods, this thread should be locked. Its an insult.

The whole idea with body dysmorphia is that you don’t see yourself as you really are. This is a very real phenomenon which has a biological basis and it can affect you no matter what you look like or what you weigh. You might as well tell an anorexic to simply eat more. OP knows that she cannot be overweight at a size 8/10, yet she still feels big. This isn’t something she can help. And even if her problem were trivial, I don’t see the need for such a judgmental response. She is not hurting anyone by seeking advice and people are not obliged to respond. If you have a problem, however small, do you not have nothing to lose and everything to gain by seeking help?

I had quite a severe case of anorexia and BDD where I weighed under 7st yet still felt very big and awkward, especially when around other people. Like OP, I was extremely self-conscious and got depressed in social situations because of it. To illustrate how real the dysmorphia is, one time I was walking in a crowd and saw an extremely thin girl in a shop mirror. Then I realised the girl was actually me! After looking at my reflection for a few seconds it seemed to change and get bigger.

I honestly would have thought myself overweight if I didn‘t have the number on the scale to tell me otherwise. I certainly *felt* big. And I didn’t feel I could talk about it because I knew that I would sound bonkers, people would judge me, think me vain and self-obsessed etc. So I understand the need to post anonymously about this.

OP, you seem to have a lot going for you I am really sorry that your self-consciousness is preventing you from enjoying that. Try to put things in perspective here. You don’t want to look back on this time of your life and regret how unhappy you were. I know I missed out on a lot due to my issues. Your situation sounds a lot like me in the early stages of my eating disorder. I strongly urge you to address this before it escalates into something more serious. Can you see a psycho-therapist? It is quite a common thing for people to seek therapy these days - nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our underlying issues.

Also of prime importance is to keep busy and productive and to have a strong support network. Good luck!