Break up.

Finn2013

Hi all,

My fiancee and I have broken up after a year and a half, we had a major argument a few weeks ago, stopped talking for a week or so then decided to give things a go again - everything was back to normal and 2 weeks ago she said she was completely happy and loved me, and she wanted me and nobody else. Then a few days ago, she had invited me down for dinner and had even bought me stuff in the shop for that evening when we were watching a movie or whatever (so she wasn't planning on breaking up with me!). Over dinner she brought up a couple of things we had already went over and I thought were in the past, after all she said she was and everything with us was completely back to normal, there was no awkwarness.

Anyway, we had a bit of a disagreement over these things, but we both remained calm, then she said out of no where 'I told you when I said we were giving things a go again I wasn't sure what I wanted.' This hurt me majorly, as I thought we were back on track, I'm pretty sure she just got in a mood over what we were talking about and said this to hurt me, she told me 'I think I'm just done with it' and told me to get my things and go. I said to her relax, we're not going to fall out over something as simple as this, everythings grand. We moved upstairs to talk away from her family and she said again she wasn't sure what she wanted again, and she still wasn't over what was said and done (for 3 weeks she was telling me she loved me every day, she only wanted to be with me, nobody else). I just couldn't take it any more and didn't want to be strung along, so I said I was walking out the door and that if I did I wasn't coming back, because I wasn't going to be strung along anymore, I was obviously in a bad humour as well. When I started to gather up my things she went silent, which I think was because she was in shock I was doing it.

She never said a word and I left. A couple of days later, no texts, no communication whatsoever I send her a text and tell her what I meant was I wasn't going back to her, chasing her like I had only to be strung along again and that if she really wanted me she'd come back to me herself without me forcing her (My friends told me I should have waited longer in the first place and given her space, but I missed her too much.) She basically said there and then the relationship was done and she'd be my friend but thats it, she said she had feelings for me but didn't want to anymore, that she was fed up of it all and sick of it. She asked could I not just get that she didn't want to be with me. She said she was still pissed off over things that were said and done, that she was happy now that there was no pressure anymore and she didn't think she was ever happier. ( With the wedding it caused a lot of arguments between us over simple details, like bands, guests etc) She said she'll be my friend but that's it, that I was a nice fella but we aren't meant to be. I don't believe her for a second, she always did say hurtful things in the heat of the moment that she didn't mean. On top of all this, she had been promoted to a new job over an hour away from where we live and she was going to live with family there monday to friday, she said she didn't want to have the worry of me being at home alone while she was in Dublin, wondering what she was up to, was she having more fun up there, her thinking that she shouldn't go out because I wouldn't want her going out with the lads (her cousins).

She said it was a fresh start for her. I'm sorry this post is all over the place but I'm quite literally heartbroken without her and I haven't spoken to her since Sunday now, we were still friends on facebook but I deleted her thinking that if it is completely over, in the future I don't want to see anything with her and other lads popping up. We still have each other on whatsapp, but no messages have been sent. I'm hoping that she'll have her space and calm down over the next 2 weeks and realise she misses me, which I should have done in the first place. We basically only had each other, she has no close friends or anyone apart from a couple of family members where she's living now, so I'm sure she feels the same as I do. I'm just worried in the next few weeks she'll click with some other lad, and will forget about me. I'm staying awake at night thinking of different scenarios of her moving on and she's constantly on my mind. Our mutual friend said I just need to give her space and time to miss me, I'm hopeful that this is the case, I refuse to believe she can drop her feelings for me like that. I'm not sure what I wanted to accomplish posting this message but I just wanted to vent as I haven't really got anyone to talk to.

Thanks.

December2012

Sometimes when I row with my husband I feel as if I hate him. When I'm frustrated I feel like maybe we should break up, but it's because I'm not thinking clearly (because of the frustration part).

So it's possible to be completely contradictory.

Now you've been through the ringer with each other.

And I guess that you might feel helpless in this scenario - she made all the decisions, break up, get back together, break up again?

Have you an impartial person you can vent your feelings too? One that will not hamper your relationship if you get back together?

_dublinlad_

I think you handled yourself very well under the circumstances and your doing the right thing. If she wants you she knows where to find you. In the unlikely event that she finds another lad in the mean time, well then that should answer all your questions about her true feelings (or lack there of) for you.

One other thing I would suggest is maybe give an end date to your waiting period. Maybe a few weeks or a month or so, and then if no resolution by then - its game over and its time to move on.

Finn2013

December2012 wrote: »

Sometimes when I row with my husband I feel as if I hate him. When I'm frustrated I feel like maybe we should break up, but it's because I'm not thinking clearly (because of the frustration part).

So it's possible to be completely contradictory.

Now you've been through the ringer with each other.

And I guess that you might feel helpless in this scenario - she made all the decisions, break up, get back together, break up again?

Have you an impartial person you can vent your feelings too? One that will not hamper your relationship if you get back together?

Hey, thanks for your post. The thing about this girl is she has a very bad temper when it comes to stuff like this, she has told me before that usually it takes a week or so for her to calm down and she needs to be left alone, but this time it seems very final. She's also very good with her words when she's angry or frustrated and can cut you in two. She has her bad points but for all those she's has a hundred good ones. I do feel very helpless but I think after the initial break up I went after her too much, too fast and I gave her all the power. I was also visibly upset in front of her a couple of times before we gave things a chance again, which I think maybe made me seem weak to her. On the other hand she had been complaining that I didn't open up to her as much as I should, which lead to a few of our arguments, so


I'm not sure what to think really. My father passed away after a long illness 3 months after we got together and it pretty much cemented us together as she was a great support to me at the time and I knew she was the one for me. We had made so many plans for the future, down to kids names, the names of the dogs we would get, everything. Before we broke up the final time she had even said to me one day that I could go visit her during the week, and if I was to get the train right to her shop where it stops when I said I'd get it to her relatives house. So she was thinking of the future and us being together, not just seeing other Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I just can't believe the dramatic change. I think we ended up arguing because we were literally inseparable, she hasn't many friends and when we got together she started hanging out with me and became friends with my friends, so we were constantly in each others pockets whenever we went, we had no friends that were outside of this close knit group when we really should have had our own separate friends we could have went off with too. We have been through so much and are so in tune with each other I just don't get it, she even had me send her pictures of myself that were her favourite that she had deleted, secretly kept back one of my tshirts from me to keep, and still sleeps with the teddy bear I got her on our 1st valentines day.

I have one friend who I thought to be impartial but he basically told me to go get laid, I have no interest in this, and I feel at the moment I never will. Another friend is in Australia at the moment and he says I should wait her out and if its meant to be it'll be. I just hope he's right. She has a reputation of being extremely stubborn and bull headed. It's gotten to the stage where my family are worried about me because it hits me now and then about her, so I wish I could just get over all this already, because they're getting upset seeing me like that.

Thanks.

Finn2013

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I think you handled yourself very well under the circumstances and your doing the right thing. If she wants you she knows where to find you. In the unlikely event that she finds another lad in the mean time, well then that should answer all your questions about her true feelings (or lack there of) for you.

One other thing I would suggest is maybe give an end date to your waiting period. Maybe a few weeks or a month or so, and then if no resolution by then - its game over and its time to move on.

Hey, thanks for your post.

As I said above I should have done this initially rather than chase after her. She said to me the last time we spoke "I was fooling myself, I didn't want to upset you but I need to be happy too and need to do what's right for me." That's a load of crap, because her words and actions in the three weeks prior were the complete and utter opposite.

Yeah my family have said that if she does meet someone or do anything in the next few weeks that it will show me her true colours. I hope that isn't the case, but I suppose it will force me to move on. She's very upset that two of three people in her family she really and truly gets on with and loves, who are like a big sister and a father to her respectively, text me after our break up saying I was such a nice lad and they were sorry to hear it, they had previously said I was the nicest and most genuine chap out of the few lads she's been in relationships with.

Her uncle, who I confided in because he remains totally unbiased said to me she has missed her one chance at being with someone who truly loves and respects her and anything after this wont be the real thing. She was very upset I confided in her uncle, because she told me they were her family and not mine, again I didn't feel like I could speak to my family about her because in our drunken row she had said stuff about them and I had said stuff about hers, all that we didn't mean but she feels she can't get over. I had said, I felt like I had no one and that's why I spoke to them when they literally offered to talk to me and they were there. It has since emerged (actually how the argument started over dinner) that when she was in Dublin two days prior she was talking to these two (her aunt and uncle) and her uncle had said he never expected me to take him up on it. I think this was her trying to sabotage any relationship I had with him because we actually get on great, and always have great Craic together, also because she has a chip on her shoulder because she never developed a relationship with my family, they are very closed off after my father passing away in February '12, to the point where they weren't very enthusiastic about our engagement, my mother and sister are still grieving terribly but she's take it personally that they didn't like her because or their lack of interest, she feels I hid her from them as a couple of times they'd asked me to get her to go out with them, at the weekend or say to a bingo I didn't tell her because she's got a strange temper and I thought they would and up arguing as her and my sister are quite outspoken. She was always very jealous that I had such a great relationship with her family but she had none with mine, save for my second sister who actually organised our engagement dinner and was enthusiastic about it all. I think she resents me for all of that too.

She had a very bad childhood, her mother became pregnant for her father before they were married and he walked away, she then after she was born met another man and they got married and since had two kids, she has always felt like an outsider as even her biological father gave up his rights so her step father could adopt her, and he stepped away. Her siblings are treated like the two favourites and only her l aunt and uncle and granny are like a real family to her. She only recently met her biological father and he has other children now and his wife tells him not to have anything to do with her. He even kept her from developing a relationship with her aunts and uncles from this side up until a few months ago when she met them for the first time but he was absent. He generally only bothers with her when he pleases, even when he's passing through our town for work regularly he wouldn't see her. She had a very unhappy childhood and I think she's missed out on alot, and this has given her a lot of the anger she's been displaying. Sorry for rambling but I'm trying to give some back story.

I was thinking if I hadn't heard from her by Sunday week that I would call it a day, but maybe a month would be more reasonable. In the meantime if she does meet anyone else or do anything I'll most definitely find out and will know to move on. I should also mention part of the reason she's upset and she can't get over is that I talked to a few people about it and she talked to no one. She keeps everything bottled up. I said to her she must have spoken to someone as she has loads of people to talk to and she got very upset with that statement as she said she didn't, she only has a few friends who live in the same town but bother with her little. Plus I confided in her family who text and rang me, and my family didn't contact her.

CaraMay

You really need to stop contacting her family.

Do your friends like her? It seems like one in particular wants you to move in very quickly.

Finn2013

CaraMay wrote: »

You really need to stop contacting her family.

Do your friends like her? It seems like one in particular wants you to move in very quickly.

Yeah my friends like her, just not the way things have been going the last few weeks. I only really had one phone call and about two texts with her family since it began, and they initiated it. Nothing since.

Kidchameleon

OP the best chance of her contacting you is if you completely stop contacting her, that includes contacting her family. She'll realize if she misses you or not. At the moment, ill be honest, you come off as kind of desperate to be with her, this is a very weak hand to be playing, she holds all the power. You need to take some of that back. If you do stop contacting her, if she does move on, it'll be that be easier for you to aswell.

Finn2013

Kidchameleon wrote: »

OP the best chance of her contacting you is if you completely stop contacting her, that includes contacting her family. She'll realize if she misses you or not. At the moment, ill be honest, you come off as kind of desperate to be with her, this is a very weak hand to be playing, she holds all the power. You need to take some of that back. If you do stop contacting her, if she does move on, it'll be that be easier for you to aswell.

Thanks for the reply, I totally agree with you. Hence I deleted her and haven't spoken to her since, the last thing she said was she didn't know what else there was to say and I just replied there's nothing you can say, you've made up your mind. That was the last communication we had and I don't plan on contacting her again, which to be honest I think she is expecting, so in the meantime I've been getting on with things and getting back into a routine myself. I'm sure after a couple of weeks if she isn't totally done with us and starts to miss me, the fact I haven't contacted her will get on her nerves. If she doesn't get back on to me then maybe gradually over the next few weeks I'll come to terms with it and it'll be easier, as you say.

ibarelycare

OP I think she's made her feelings very clear. It doesn't sound like she just broke up with you in the heat of the moment. Things were already rocky obviously, if you's already hadn't been talking for a week recently.

You said she didn't have many friends, so she was probably quite dependent on you. Now she has a new job and has moved to a new place...it sounds like she's realised that there's more out there for her.

Sorry to be blunt, but it's just the way I see it. Start concentrating on yourself and don't sit around moping waiting for her to contact you.

Finn2013

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP I think she's made her feelings very clear. It doesn't sound like she just broke up with you in the heat of the moment. Things were already rocky obviously, if you's already hadn't been talking for a week recently.

You said she didn't have many friends, so she was probably quite dependent on you. Now she has a new job and has moved to a new place...it sounds like she's realised that there's more out there for her.

Sorry to be blunt, but it's just the way I see it. Start concentrating on yourself and don't sit around moping waiting for her to contact you.

Thanks for the reply, it's occurred to me that this could be the case and if so I'll just have to get on with things, however she has a history of doing things like this and a couple of weeks later turning on her heel, so I haven't given up all hope of a reconciliation. I suppose I'll just have to carry on as if she isn't coming back and if she doesn't, just keep going.

ibarelycare

Finn2013 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, it's occurred to me that this could be the case and if so I'll just have to get on with things, however she has a history of doing things like this and a couple of weeks later turning on her heel, so I haven't given up all hope of a reconciliation. I suppose I'll just have to carry on as if she isn't coming back and if she doesn't, just keep going.

Why would you want to be with someone so volatile? If she has a history of doing this, how can you ever feel secure in your relationship? If I was with someone who took a week to get over an argument, or who was constantly breaking up and then changing their mind, I'd be exhausted and constantly on edge. You deserve better.

Finn2013

ibarelycare wrote: »

Why would you want to be with someone so volatile? If she has a history of doing this, how can you ever feel secure in your relationship? If I was with someone who took a week to get over an argument, or who was constantly breaking up and then changing their mind, I'd be exhausted and constantly on edge. You deserve better.

I have to say this is the first time we've broken up or had a big fight, and she had said when we were giving things ago she wanted to make sure it was the last. The last guy she was with a couple of years ago both broke it off every 2 months, so I suppose I'm just clutching at straws here. I felt totally secure in our relationship for the last year and a half, but now you're right I'd be thinking does she actually want to be with me or is she going to finish things again. I can say my time with her was my happiest, the first year was the best year of my life but the past few months there have been a few small things but nothing major up until last month. She was just a huge part of my life, and I was a huge part of
hers so I'm finding it hard to let go and that she seems to be able to despite I know her feeling the same about me.

LegacyUser

Hi Finn2013, I am sorry you are going through all this heartache. One thing strikes me in your post is you say your girlfriend has recently got a new job and is moving. Is it possible that she is under an enormous amount of stress at the moment and is just unable to deal with the pressure of talk about marriage and big plans? You don't say how far apart you will be living , but surely if marriage was on the cards you would be making plans to move in together first? I married the wrong person and 25 years later it proved to be a very heartbreaking split up..believe me it is better to be absolutely sure before you go down the road, as hard as a broken engagement is a broken marriage hurts a million times more.
Please don't think I am disrespecting your pain in any way, just please remember it takes two to make a good marriage and both of you have to really make the effort..you sound like a good person and you deserve to be loved back.

Finn2013

Tulips21 wrote: »

Hi Finn2013, I am sorry you are going through all this heartache. One thing strikes me in your post is you say your girlfriend has recently got a new job and is moving. Is it possible that she is under an enormous amount of stress at the moment and is just unable to deal with the pressure of talk about marriage and big plans? You don't say how far apart you will be living , but surely if marriage was on the cards you would be making plans to move in together first? I married the wrong person and 25 years later it proved to be a very heartbreaking split up..believe me it is better to be absolutely sure before you go down the road, as hard as a broken engagement is a broken marriage hurts a million times more.
Please don't think I am disrespecting your pain in any way, just please remember it takes two to make a good marriage and both of you have to really make the effort..you sound like a good person and you deserve to be loved back.

Hi Tulip, basically she was offered this job within a couple of weeks of us parting ways. We lived together up until the argument, I moved everything out that night in a temper and I regretted it a couple of days later. We were under an awful amount of pressure with money, being unable to save for the wedding or even go out with friends, this caused a lot tension between us. She's moving into her grandmothers house Monday to Friday in Dublin and coming home at the weekends, she had said that even had we been living together she would still have went for the job and lived up there rather than commute, she was fully prepared for me to go up to her during the week and seeing her at weekends. She literally started monday morning this week after our last conversation Sunday. She's definitely under an enormous amount of stress, so I don't think she's thinking clearly at the moment. I think I jumped the gun proposing to her, but the grief for my father was still dominating my life and I loved this girl and wanted to move on to something positive.

Finn2013

I should probably include she was promoted from a sales assistant and working on the shop floor to assistant manager, she was freaking out about this the last couple of weeks thinking she wouldn't be able for it, and her aunt had told her it would be too hard (working in another branch of the same store) making the transition with no experience.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I also broke up with my girlfriend a month ago in circumstances not a million miles away from your own.

First thing, you are right to cut contact completely, or as much as is practicable, for the moment. She has hurt you, without much of an explanation. If contact is to be re-established with a view to you getting back together it is on her.

I don't go along with the go-out-get-laid advice (I did it the other week, felt awful after) but it is important for you to have a new focus. Not necessarily a romantic one, but something to keep you and your mind active. I really upped how often I went to the gym and redoubled my efforts with football, planned a holiday with my mates...these may not work for you, but it depends on your interests etc.

There does seem to be a lot of issues clouding the situation, like your bereavement, her troubled background, her moving away. You were together a year and a half and were engaged, I'm not sure what age you are (or if it matters) but this seems a bit rushed. The pressure of a wedding and spending your lives together, on top of all the other issues must have created an unreal amount of stress.

You need to let the dust settle and after a while you will realise what YOU want. I am still confused about how I feel about my ex and have different emotions about her everyday. I'm not a patient person, but have realised I just need to take this time to think about myself and how I go forward....I'm pretty sure that is without my ex, but it could be different for you. Good luck

Finn2013

Someadvice wrote: »

Hey OP,

I also broke up with my girlfriend a month ago in circumstances not a million miles away from your own.

First thing, you are right to cut contact completely, or as much as is practicable, for the moment. She has hurt you, without much of an explanation. If contact is to be re-established with a view to you getting back together it is on her.

I don't go along with the go-out-get-laid advice (I did it the other week, felt awful after) but it is important for you to have a new focus. Not necessarily a romantic one, but something to keep you and your mind active. I really upped how often I went to the gym and redoubled my efforts with football, planned a holiday with my mates...these may not work for you, but it depends on your interests etc.

There does seem to be a lot of issues clouding the situation, like your bereavement, her troubled background, her moving away. You were together a year and a half and were engaged, I'm not sure what age you are (or if it matters) but this seems a bit rushed. The pressure of a wedding and spending your lives together, on top of all the other issues must have created an unreal amount of stress.

You need to let the dust settle and after a while you will realise what YOU want. I am still confused about how I feel about my ex and have different emotions about her everyday. I'm not a patient person, but have realised I just need to take this time to think about myself and how I go forward....I'm pretty sure that is without my ex, but it could be different for you. Good luck

Hey,

Yeah I'm glad I cut off contact, it's been very hard indeed. It's not even been a week yet and I'm still expecting a message from her. I really can't accept it at all yet because she had been so positive about everything and then had an abrupt change of heart when things got a little heated and with the added stress of this new job, which she was really worried about. I don't believe her for one second, I know this girl better than anyone else or at least think I do, I still think she jumped the gun and said those things to hurt me in the heat of the moment, and she had said she was still pissed off over what was said and done and still hasn't got over it. That being said, yeah reestablishing contact is definitely on her, I fully intend to not crack and text her first because I feel this is what she wants. She's extremely stubborn, and I mean out of this world stubborn. Her mother, who I had to drop something to the day before we broke up told me not to cancel the hotel or anything yet, and to give her space and time. I think with a couple weeks of no contact she'll wake up and realise just how much she misses me and contact me, or I hope at least.

As you said with the go get laid advice, I have no interest in doing that any time soon. But I am going to get back heading out with friends and have been going running a few days a week with one of them. I'm not giving up on us but as you said, I'm trying to refocus on other things and keep my mind of it until such a time (within reason) she contacts me again.

There really was an awful lot of pressure and I think money worries and wedding plans, mixed with my grief contributed to a lot of the little arguments we had. Getting engaged so early really was a mistake, but I loved her and knew she was for me. (I'm 25, shes 25 in a couple of months) People reading this are probably thinking, get a grip man, she doesn't want you! But I just can't get my head around it. A week prior I was leaving her house and she told me she loved me, I still wasn't convinced she was totally sure about us so asked her if she meant it and that she just wasn't saying it to keep me happy, she wasn't happy about that at all and said no she wasn't just saying it, that she did. We spent a great few days together having such a laugh after that to the point where she said she wanted me and only me, no one else and we would be better after all this. I don't believe she can just change all of that in a heartbeat and not want to have those feelings, it was too abrupt for her. In any case, all I can do is wait for things to settle and see.

Thanks

Jimmy 5F

OP, forget about her, by the sounds of it you are better off without this emotionally volatile woman.

kittycati

I think the stress ye both have been under has lot to do with this. Do as you are doing just step back give it time. I wouldn't give up just yet on her but maybe the marriage should Def be put off should ye get back together. What's meant to be is meant to be and everything happens for a reason.

Finn2013

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm not just looking for what I want to hear and appreciate all of your opinions. I'm fully convinced ill hear from her again when things settle down.

LegacyUser

I would not put my life on hold for this woman. You are both 25 which is young to be planning a wedding. I think what happening with you is that you met her at a hard stage of your life and she was there for you so you said let get married.
You have both had a lot of stress before this but if she is very stubborn and pig headed why do you want to stay with her?

At this stage I would cancel the wedding as neither of you are ready to get married yet and the sooner you cancel things the better chance you have getting the money back that you have spent to date. Also I would not be in contact with her mother who told you not to cancel the wedding. She sounds like some woman I know that want there daughters to get married so they can have a day to show off to the relatives/friends.

She has been offered a new job and has moved to Dublin as she did not want to commute.
Meanwhile she has not bothered to contact you since she started in her job.
At this stage you are making excuses for her.
One of my friend was in this situation but realised that he was not going to change his mind about marrying her after he got a another job elsewhere.
After this my friend started to meet up with friends, got involved in different things and had a life. She ended up meeting a nice man and is now married with a family.

My advice is to cancel the wedding and send her a text telling her this.
If she comes back fighting with you in regards to canceling the wedding I would just say to her a wedding is more than a big day out and that she is not ready for marriage based how she has treated you.
It is time for you to move on with your life as she is moving on with her's.

Lorna123

I can't see how she can change her feelings that quickly. You were getting married and planning a wedding for God's sake. It appears to me like she is very stressed between the wedding plans and the new job. I just feel when you are that seriously involved with someone that having to wait until they are ready to let you know where you stand is a bit much. If it were me I would contact her once more and ask her has she cancelled the wedding as you need to know this information before you can move on. If she says she has not cancelled it then ask her does she intend to because leaving you in limbo is not the way to go. Tell her you need to get things clear in your mind. You have given her time to sort herself out but you can't keep hanging on forever. If she insists that things are over between you then I would take it that the wedding is off. I agree with you OP it is very hurtful to be treated like this and for things not to be explained to you in a respectful manner. There are rows and arguments in relationships but when it goes as far as cancelling a wedding then I think you should have a clearer explanation than a temper fueled conversation. Really hope this works out for you.

Finn2013

Hi all, well a week passed and I had heard nothing from her and I'd made no contact with her either. I went out on the Saturday night and was actually having a great time, I got home at 3am and when I charged my phone I saw a message from her saying "Never mind being stupid.. Always the way when youur drunk so don't txt back" at 2:05 and 2:15 the same message again on another messaging app.

I saw then I had a voicemail so listened to it, she basically said that she went out and she couldn't forget about me, that she was pissed off that I hadn't got back to her about being friends, more so that she just hadnt heard from me, that she cared about me whether we're together or not and that she didnt know what to feel, that she loves me but isn't sure that's how to feel, she loved me but also hated me, then the bombshell she'd kissed two lads that she was just being honest and it was probably **** that she had. That literally felt like a knife in the stomach, ill never forget that moment. It was actually 6 days since she basically crushed me and told me she'd be friends with me for my sake, and she was pissed off -I- didnt contact her? I saw these messages at 3:10 and text her and asked what's up, she replied "nothing" and then wouldn't reply. I tried to call her etc for over the course of an hour but to no avail, I was worried about her and contacted my mutual friend who she was out with and another friend and they said she was ok and asleep - 5am comes and she replies on whatsapp, I asked her was she really asleep and she said no she was 'kissing a fella' a third one and had been in his car for 2 hours after he dropped the 3 of them home, some friend of a friend. I was utterly devastated and still am because I was so foolish being worried about her and she basically ignored my calls when her phone was right beside her in the car when she was with this complete stranger, after all we'd been through. I know now we're not meant for each other and I'm much better off but I still miss her and always will, we had a rather big falling out the next day and that's basically it now. The girl physically assaulted myself and 4 of my friends during my relationship and totally divided our whole group of friends and really did drag me down, I've come to realise I deserve so much better than this. Thanks for reading and giving me advice.

Kidchameleon

Why would she say "kissing a fellah" other than to completely wreck your head? Finn, ill be blunt, it looks to me now that you are simply an ego boost for her. If I were you, I would text her, ask her never to contact you or your family again, if you don't she will keep stringing you along.

irishgirl19

God op I hope your ok. Judging by your post though I dont know if I believe her. Maybe she was trying to provoke a reaction from you?
Anyway you are much better than a girl who hits u.
Its her loss

Stavro Mueller

Finn2013 wrote: »

The girl physically assaulted myself and 4 of my friends during my relationship and totally divided our whole group of friends and really did drag me down, I've come to realise I deserve so much better than this. Thanks for reading and giving me advice.

I know you love this girl but if you can manage to stay away from her, you will clap yourself on the back some time in the future. In my experience, friends will never make it obvious that the dislike your girlfriend unless there's a good reason. I'm sure she has lots of good points but her dark side is very ugly indeed. Staying in contact with her is going to damage you - for your own sanity cut contact and get out of the habit of having her in your life.

Chucky the tree

Too be honest Finn, you need to grow a pair of balls. There is no way you should be running around after a girl who treats you so badly. Time to put the foot down and cut contact with her. In future don't text her back when she texts you.

kittycati

As the saying goes and i so believe it everything happens for a reason. Lucky you found out now rather than later. She was deliberately trying to hurt you. There was no need for her to stick the knife in and mention guys she was with.
Just count your lucky stars that you had
a lucky escape , enough time wasted on her, time to focus on yourself she never deserved you.

Finn2013

Thanks all for the replies. All contact has been severed at this stage and I don't plan on talking to her ever again. There'll be plenty of drunken, remorseful calls and texts in the future I'm sure but I won't be entertaining her. I gave her too many chances really and blindly loved her only focusing on the good and being in denial over all the bad. The more I think about it, the more I realise she pretty much isolated me from my friends and family to the point where it was just me and her, I'm glad now to have gotten out early and thank god we didnt end up having a child together and that there was never any wedding. I've had a very lucky escape indeed. Thanks all!

ibarelycare

If you have a smartphone, see about blocking her number too. It will help the process a lot. Best of luck to you