Blown it...

LegacyUser

Ok so opinions please, long story so apologies in advance!!!

I met this lovely guy through an organisation we are both members of, we became friends and there was quite a bit of flirting so eventually we managed to go on a few dates and became an item (slow burn, I did the asking a bit but we got there). We just got on really well, had a nice bit in common and I just felt comfortable around him and I think he felt the same. So he's super busy and I mean super busy but that's something that I like cos I am usually pretty busy too. But not recently, for the past few months I have been studying and stressed. Stressed to a ridiculous level, the kind of level I didn't even know I could reach and I didn't know, I knew I was stressed just not how much. Exams were last week and I am starting to feel normal again (almost). However on Sunday last I decided that I was ending things with him because he wasn't "trying" enough and to be honest he didn't try to stop me, he agreed even.

The problem is the stress changed my personality completely, its only looking back now that I can see that, I have been the most horribly difficult person I could be for the last three months give or take (with everyone, not just him, noone could do the right thing by me, everything and everyone annoyed me!!). I was not the person he got to know before this and I feel awful. I was getting mad at him over nothing, watching my phone all the time and getting mad if he didn't reply for a while, was on Facebook constantly, watching to see if he was online and just not replying to me, being a general nutbag which I was not before. I'm not the most chilled person ever but never this bad. I just feel I have ruined what could have been a good or even great relationship by being crazy and I don't think I can save it. I want to tell him all this, apologise and ask him to take me back but we are both still members of this organisation and I don't want things to be awkward between us and I'm afraid that saying anything at this point will make it so if he doesn't want to get back together. He might not even like me any more, and to be honest I wouldn't blame him.

Don't get me wrong, he wasn't perfect in this either and he spent a lot of time doing other things and we didn't get to see much of each other but things were hopefully gonna calm down a bit for him but maybe not either, never know whats coming up really and I can't help but feel if you like someone enough you'll make time for them.

Sorry for the long ramble, just looking for opinions I guess, I'm sure I've left loads out but I think I may have blown by chance with this guy...

Honey-ec

Look it, all you can do is tell him exactly what you've told us here and hope that he's willing to give it another go. If he is, brilliant. If he's not, you've lost absolutely nothing by trying but will be able to move on knowing that you at least gave it another shot. If you say nothing, you'll spend the next couple of months wondering if things could have been different if you'd just opened your mouth.

Go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And if he does agree to give it another whirl, try not to take your stress out on him next time.

Merkin

Sorry to say it but he just doesn't seem to be at all pushed about this. Not the answer you want to hear obviously but from pursuing him at the start, to him being super busy all the time to not making an effort. He just sounds like someone who wasn't hugely arsed about the whole thing. If you want go ahead and apologise for being high maintenance but if you're hoping for a reconciliation I wouldn't go holding my breath as he just doesn't sounds like someone who is all that keen to start with. Sorry for my candour but that's just how it seems from what you've told us....

desbrook

Merkin wrote: »

Sorry to say it but he just doesn't seem to be at all pushed about this. Not the answer you want to hear obviously but from pursuing him at the start, to him being super busy all the time to not making an effort. He just sounds like someone who wasn't hugely arsed about the whole thing. If you want go ahead and apologise for being high maintenance but if you're hoping for a reconciliation I wouldn't go holding my breath as he just doesn't sounds like someone who is all that keen to start with. Sorry for my candour but that's just how it seems from what you've told us....

I have to agree with the above - he doesn't sound that bothered . Even if you did get back together I'm not sure if the relationship would be healthy . I think it would be terribly imbalanced with you eternally grateful for a second chance .
There aren't many things we can be sure of but one is that there's no rewind button in life . All you can do is look honestly at what happened , see what went wrong and learn from it . Rose coloured glasses should be avoided as should regret .

LegacyUser

Op again.

Thank you for your responses, I probably did need to hear that, I don't think there is any chance we'll get back together, what's meant to be etc! I may email him just to make sure the air is clear and there's no awkwardness and explain as best I can why my behaviour changed so dramatically but it won't be a "please let's get back together" type of email.

I know it probably sounds like he wasn't that bothered, and at times I did think that myself but plenty of times he did a lot more of the running on this than I did and kept up contact where I didn't but I still think we are done and it's probably for the best.

I keep reading here that if you can't be happy on your own you won't be happy in a relationship and I think I have quite a bit of sorting out to do on my own before I can get there with someone else!

Thanks for responses though!

walterwhite

why dont you just have a chat with him about it?you will never regret the things you do but you will regret the things you dont.the pressure is off now i take it coming up to summer.dont be so hard on yourself everyone gets stressed sometimes, if he likes you enough he will see past all that and understand.seriously what have you to lose apart from your 'pride'?