Keep thinking of my college days

LegacyUser

I finished college six years ago and after a few twists and turns I've ended up in a very isolating lifestyle. I live on my own (my choice) and I work on my own (not my choice). I've been day-dreaming about those heady days a lot recently because I miss them terribly. I've been googling all the people I knew back then, finding out what they are doing (obsessively sometimes), looking at their facebook profiles etc.
There were two guys I was close friends with who were in the same year as me;I have remained in contact with only one of them, the other guy dropped out and even though he is one of my facebook friends I haven't spoken to him in a few years. There were three guys I shared a house with and I know what they are doing and where they live but again I haven't been in touch with them.
I suppose it's more the experiences we had back then rather than the people themselves that I miss. The memories of sitting down to watch The Sopranos together in the house, the craic in the computer labs in the evening after class was over, the chats over cups of coffee in the canteen. I didn't have much money (a lot lot less than I have now) but I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. Yes there was pressure with exams to pass and projects to complete but overall it was more pleasure than pain.
I can remember vividly the start of each college year and meeting all the familiar faces again.
I have suffered from depression all my life and have been on and off meds (I am on them at the moment). During my time in college I wasn't on any meds (except for a time near the end) as I didn't need them, my mood was up and I know why;I had company.
I don't now and it makes me so sad I could cry. I keep reminiscing about specific incidents, laughs we had, shared experiences as I sit in my apartment on my own at night.Pointless I know but I find a kind of comfort in it. In the end it only makes me depressed though.
I know most people would have happy memories of their college days and it's inevitable that you pine for them once you get stuck in the "rat-race" (horrible boss, sometimes horrible co-workers too). However I am taking it a bit too far but I can't help it; it was such a great time in my life. I should mention that I returned to college as a mature student so it was a kind of second youth for me. It's not that I am lazy and don't want to work; I am a hard worker when my mind is right but with this in it it's not right.
It was 2002 when I started college and 2007 when I finished. God I can't believe how the time has flown.
I have a few friends outside of work but it's not the same as back then.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, PI is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum, where posters come looking for advice on various issues.

I have approved your post, but need you to clarify what, if any, advice you are looking for.

Thanks,
Big Bag of Chips

thefeatheredcat

OP it sounds like you're unfulfilled in life and missing something meaningful to you?

It's nice to reminisce. But it sounds like you are in danger of living in the past and perhaps looking at things from a skewed perspective i.e. that the college days were better than they actually were and more so than the present.

You need to move forward, have new experiences and welcome new people into your life.

A guy I knew from college days anytime we met up over a few years after, always wanted to talk about "when we were in college...." never about the present, never about the future, but always the past and even dragged up arguments and issues from back then. When I confronted him about it, he confessed that the college days were the happiest of his life. But that was all he wanted to talk about, wanted to re-experience the past, be that person even in behaviour and could not comprehend that I had moved on from college - which at the time of the confrontation was about 6 or 7 years since - and that I as a person had changed too and I had had a life since college, done things with life since, had experiences and met new people. The trouble was, he hadn't and life after college (although he finished before I completed my course) for him wasn't a happy place.

What good is reminiscing doing for you, if it is making you unhappy? You're only making yourself more unhappy. You need to accept those were great days with great memories and be honest with yourself about your life now and do something positive about it, such as have new experiences and meet new people, experiences and people who can fill that void in your life that only memories have been capable of filling.

Living in the past serves no purpose, you will only sacrifice what is in the here and now waiting for you. If you choose to make contact with friends from back then, sure reminisce in a healthy way, catch up with them as people, but don't expect them to be the same person as they were in college and wanting to do the same things.

I would agree that you are taking it too far, but yes you can help it. You have full control over how long you spend day dreaming and checking up on people you knew and how long you can feel unhappy about it all. You know that has to stop and it is simply that you have to stop. You need to let go of that time and allow yourself to move on and move forward.

Lorna123

You have too much free time on your hands OP. Dreaming of good times past can be nice from time to time but we all have to move on. The problem here is that you are lonely. If you could join clubs, classes, or anything where you can mix more with people it would do you good. You won't make instant friends but you will have something to do other than remember the past. You have to make things happen for yourself, otherwise you will never get out of your rut. Quit looking at Facebook, it is a scurge and makes it look like everyone else is having a ball out there and you are not, which is not actually the case. My advice to you is to join as many social activities in your area as you can. Try meetup.com and I wish you the best of luck.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, PI is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum, where posters come looking for advice on various issues.

I have approved your post, but need you to clarify what, if any, advice you are looking for.

Thanks,
Big Bag of Chips

Sorry,I didn't mean to be unfocused.I was feeling a bit down when I posted it so I suppose I just wanted to let it out.
As the previous poster said,I am a bit unfulfilled and wallowing in nostalgia is not going to fulfill me.
I don't know what might fulfil me, that's the trouble.
I could:
1. Move to a job where there was more camaraderie and less pressure.A lot of why I miss college is the lack of responsibility.However there is a certain amount of responsibility in every job and I have to accept that.
2. Enrol in a night class where I might meet new people and have the enjoyment that I had in college before.
However I took on a Masters in my spare time before and had to give it up.I found it too difficult to study and work at the same time. I don't have to do a Masters though,I could do something easier.
3. Get back in touch with some of my old college friends and try and re-kindle friendships.They might think this is a bit weird though.

thefeatheredcat

Paddy_87 wrote: »

I suppose it's more the experiences we had back then rather than the people themselves that I miss. The memories of sitting down to watch The Sopranos together in the house, the craic in the computer labs in the evening after class was over, the chats over cups of coffee in the canteen. I didn't have much money (a lot lot less than I have now) but I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. Yes there was pressure with exams to pass and projects to complete but overall it was more pleasure than pain.
I can remember vividly the start of each college year and meeting all the familiar faces again.

OP just from your opening post, you stated it's the experiences you had in college that you miss. Will you find those experiences through the options you have identified for yourself?

It sounds to me that what you're really looking for is the interaction and experiences through people. While a less pressure job sounds ideal, how realistic a possibility is it? Lots of places have good and bad relationships with eachother in the workplace, not everyone is there to be friends and hang out; same with night classes that is specific to attaining a goal. Maybe not everyone would be interested in hanging out with the mug of tea or coffee afterwards, maybe some would be or don't have the time. I would for example, see attending a night class for a few hours as being different from being a full time student in a course during the day, simply because when I was in college I'd be hanging out in the canteen or around, or in people's houses between lectures or just around somewhere on campus. Sometimes for a few hours at a time or for a quick coffee or after I'd finished for the day. There was no child or spouse or dog or cat to go home to, I could do what I wanted, no responsibilities except to study or get food and people attending night classes might not have that same luxury, ability or interest in hanging out in that same sort of way.

I personally think you would be better in finding what you are looking for through a social group connected to a hobby or interest you have and build friendships and create experiences from that. And I say that because I'd be worried you go into a new job, or start a night class with the expectation of making friends and people you can hang out with and there's no guarantee that will happen; it might, it might not, but if you're going in with an expectation you could end up getting disappointed. I think the ideas in general are great, if that is what you want in life, then go for it.

LegacyUser

A social group might be a good idea.
I feel a bit self-obsessed and embarrassed about posting now.
I was just a bit down in the dumps after looking online and seeing what all those people I knew in college were doing now.
Stupid thing to be doing really,I bet nobody else does it.

Little Acorn

You're not self obsessed at all and have no need to be embarrassed.

I think anybody could fall into the trap of getting over sentimental about their past, if they are unhappy with their current life and there's nothing very strange about that.

Of course it would be better if you could move on and find something which makes your current life happier, that way you won't pine for the past so much.

I think joining a group of some sort or using that meetup website mentioned already sound like a good idea.

Stavro Mueller

It's worth bearing in mind that even if you went back to college in the morning it would be a completely different experience for you. Even if your old friends were with you. Time has moved on, people have changed, you've changed. You can never recapture that lightning in a bottle. I walked through the campus of the college I went to a few years ago. While I really enjoyed the trip down memory lane I knew I didn't belong there anymore. You can never go back no matter how much you want to.

The others are right. It's time for you to move on and make a new life for yourself. Just like you made a new life for yourself when you left school and went to college. Take a look around and see is there anything locally that you'd like to try out.

There's nothing wrong with being back in touch with old college friends but not if you only want to retread old ground. You'll find that they're now more preoccupied with other things and have moved on with their lives.

thefeatheredcat

Paddy_87 wrote: »

I feel a bit self-obsessed and embarrassed about posting now.
I was just a bit down in the dumps after looking online and seeing what all those people I knew in college were doing now.
Stupid thing to be doing really,I bet nobody else does it.

Aw OP, you've no reason to feel embarrassed or feel that you're being self obsessed.

And lots of people do look online and see what other people that they knew are doing... I've done it myself, often it's made me miserable when I've compared my life as I know it to their life that is a snapshot and what they are seen to be doing or have done which may not always be accurate. The only positive in looking up people from the past is seeing how well some people who were written off as wasters back in school by teachers, actually did in life or me having identified something that I want in life and working towards it. Other than that, looking up people can be harmful especially when you feel by comparison you're not as successful or accomplished as what they allow themselves to be perceived and dwell on it too long, beating yourself up over what you feel because of the comparison. Neither you and I would be the first, nor the last to do just that. It's always a matter of just putting focus back in your own life and seeing what you yourself have accomplished, the skills you've learned while going through different experiences and to stand up and be proud of your own life.

LegacyUser

Sorry for leaving it so late to reply but I didn't get a chance until now. I've kind of snapped out of it now thanks be to God. I have got something important in work to do so that changed my perspective a little :-)
I was day dreaming about happier bygone days when I posted the thread and it's not a good thing to be doing I know. I have to look forward not back. As cymbaline said I can never re-capture the experiences I had in college (let's face it,who of those of us that have been in college don't have happy memories of them?)
Work just doesn't compare and it's not supposed to. That's why it's called "work" after all.
I just have to create new happier experiences myself in my evenings and weekends. Then the work days won't drag so much and I won't be tempted to go back to thinking of "oh remember the day in college when this happened etc."
I am determined to do something to enjoy myself in my free time from work. I don't know what that is yet but I'm going to try. Thanks for reading.