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girlfriends past haunting me

  • 11-06-2013 4:12pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I am in a very good and happy relationship. Unfortunetly I have become tormented by the girls past. She was single for a long period of time where I was in a realtionship. In that time she had some one night stands, not a lot maybe a couple a year. This is no issue and I really don't judge her.

    I have become tormented by somehting that happened on holidays last year where she slept with a younger guy and it was his first time. She was drunk and these things happen but for some reason I am having real trouble shaking it. I knew about it as she told me embarrassed one night and I didn't mind but as I have really fallen for her it has crept in to my head.

    She really hates talking about it and I do as well because I don't want her to feel bad or to feel like I am judging her. I am just at a bit of a loss as to how to forget it and would like to hear any thoughts on the matter.

    Is there somethings we cant get over from peoples past?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    Were you guys together at the time? As in, did she cheat with him, or was it before you got together?

    If she cheated, then there's an awful lot of hard conversations and soul-searching ahead of both of you to figure out if you can regain the trust in your relationship.

    If it was before you were together, well then it's not really any of your business and I'd suggest you get over yourself before you ruin a good thing. Sorry to be so blunt.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    From what I can gather this incident occurred before you were together? So this isn't an issue of infidelity. Your gf wouldn't be the first sexually active woman to sleep with a guy who was a virgin, and you can bet she won't be the last. I don't really see the big deal.

    If this girl has been open enough to be honest with about her past, warts and all, she obviously truly cares about you. You need to get your head around that this happened BEFORE she met you. It has nothing to do with you. It has no affect on how she feels about you. You need to decide whether you can put it out of your head and stop letting it affect how you feel about her. If it's hovering around like a big pink elephant in the room, the relationship will never work.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Can you explain why exactly it's an issue for you? I don't mean that in a bitchy way, but in your post, you haven't actually said why it bothers you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Hold on, did this happen before she met you? :eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 524 ✭✭✭gagiteebo


    If it happened before she met you then you don't really have the right to be upset. Everybody has a past and you can either accept it and move on and have a wonderful relationship or dwell on it and eventually it will eat you up. If you can't accept it then I suggest you go your separate ways. It's not fair on you or her to hold on to this.
    On a side note, I can never understand why people go into needless detail about their sexual past. No good can come of it.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    The age difference is the thing here. People can say "oh it was in the past" but if I was 32 for example, and slept with a 17 year virgin on holiday I'd say a lot of potential women would be very put off by that and I'd be very worried about telling them.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 122 ✭✭Jimmy 5F


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    Were you guys together at the time? As in, did she cheat with him, or was it before you got together?

    If she cheated, then there's an awful lot of hard conversations and soul-searching ahead of both of you to figure out if you can regain the trust in your relationship.

    If it was before you were together, well then it's not really any of your business and I'd suggest you get over yourself before you ruin a good thing. Sorry to be so blunt.

    He's trying to get over himself, that's why he came here for advice. He doesn't want to feel what he feels. It's not his fault he has these feelings.

    OP all I can say is hopefully with time this will fade.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Chucky the tree is correct I just have a problem with the age difference. I just find it a little worrying. As another poster said I don't want to feel like this and I know it's none of my buisness but as anyone who has been tromented by something like this will know it really isn't that simple. It's not a case of been a hypocrite because I know I wouldn't be straight into bed for a one night stand with someone a few years younger than me and if I did by error of holiday/drunken judgement I would be embarrassed by it.

    At the end of the day after reading the comments here and discussing it with friends I understand its my problem and either i can deal with or I can't. I hope I can because everything else is great. These things happen and its not wise or useful to dwell on it. I just wish it was a little easier to forget it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭JenEffy


    How much of an age difference was there between her and the guy?


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