Should I go to friends 21st? Need to know ASAP

will.i.am

Well to off with I am guy from a small town. I finished school over two years ago and I don't really miss it at all because of people who used bully and mock me. I went through a phase when I was in T.Y that I was a really popular guy and was really liked but this was gone once I went into 5th year.
I never really went out in my local town because I wanted to avoid people who I knew would make a fool of me. So I just stayed at home when people were going on nights out in 5th and 6th year and I was happy.
When I went to college I met new people and had a great time and I went on brilliant nights and made some very good friends. I did keep in contact with this guy on facebook because he was a good enough friend and I met him a good few times on a bus during the past few months.
This guy has being on about his 21st for the past few months and he said he wanted to have a really big one like his sisters had. He also said that the was worried people wouldn't go because he wasn't as popular as them so I suggested that he could have a small 21st a head to Cork or Dublin and only invite the people he really wanted to go and that I would differently go. I made this guy aware of the issues that I had with people from school and told him if he was having it in town that I mightn't go because I wouldn't feel comfortable around certain people.
He went a head and booked a marque and a DJ and a venue. He created an event on facebook and he I said I might attend. Now I know that there is a group of people he's friends with and there in the US for the Summer. Now I know that some people that selected that they were attending only said yes and there not going. I continued to look through everybody that is invited and I am not that a whole lot of people will go.
So the thing is I don't want to leave this guy down because I am still friends with him tough I haven't really seen him that much in the past few years. I don't really want to go to this party because I am afraid of who I will return into and what they might say to me. I know that they will be certain people there who are only going for free drink and I know these guys will just make a fool of me and be mean to me. So should I go?

EoghanIRL

will.i.am wrote: »

Well to off with I am guy from a small town. I finished school over two years ago and I don't really miss it at all because of people who used bully and mock me. I went through a phase when I was in T.Y that I was a really popular guy and was really liked but this was gone once I went into 5th year.
I never really went out in my local town because I wanted to avoid people who I knew would make a fool of me. So I just stayed at home when people were going on nights out in 5th and 6th year and I was happy.
When I went to college I met new people and had a great time and I went on brilliant nights and made some very good friends. I did keep in contact with this guy on facebook because he was a good enough friend and I met him a good few times on a bus during the past few months.
This guy has being on about his 21st for the past few months and he said he wanted to have a really big one like his sisters had. He also said that the was worried people wouldn't go because he wasn't as popular as them so I suggested that he could have a small 21st a head to Cork or Dublin and only invite the people he really wanted to go and that I would differently go. I made this guy aware of the issues that I had with people from school and told him if he was having it in town that I mightn't go because I wouldn't feel comfortable around certain people.
He went a head and booked a marque and a DJ and a venue. He created an event on facebook and he I said I might attend. Now I know that there is a group of people he's friends with and there in the US for the Summer. Now I know that some people that selected that they were attending only said yes and there not going. I continued to look through everybody that is invited and I am not that a whole lot of people will go.
So the thing is I don't want to leave this guy down because I am still friends with him tough I haven't really seen him that much in the past few years. I don't really want to go to this party because I am afraid of who I will return into and what they might say to me. I know that they will be certain people there who are only going for free drink and I know these guys will just make a fool of me and be mean to me. So should I go?

It's a tough call . People can grow up and mature after 2 years . Maybe they are different now. You shouldn't Live your life in fear of them either .
If they did say something to you there , could you not just ignore it stay with the people you like . I mean isn't 21 a bit old for that behaviour from them .

On the other hand . You may not enjoy the night If you are in a state of constant fear and anxiety .

I think you should go , you will only regret not going to your good friends party .

Vicxas

I think you should go.

If people are still acting like secondary school kids after this amount of time, they're the ones who need to be laughed at.

Czarcasm

I won't tell you whether you should or shouldn't go.

I presume you're around the same age as your friend who has invited you to their 21st. I would make the effort if my friend invited me to their 21st and to hell with how worried I might be about who else was there, I'd know I was there for my friend, not there for the guys that bullied me. It's just you seem more concerned about these other guys than your friend if I'm honest.

That said, you're not me, you've already spent 5th and 6th year hiding yourself away and letting these guys affect and dictate how you live your life. They've grown up, I think it's time you did too.

Rosy Posy

Please go. Even if you don't have a great night it will be good for you to move on and not allow the way that people have treated you in the past effect how you live your life now. Also, if you don't go you will be letting down your good friend. I understand that social anxiety can be crippling, but you said yourself you have branched out at college and made new friends, so the fault is not with you, it's with the people who sought to bully and undermine you. By making them a consideration in your actions now you are giving them back the power they previously had over you. Go to the party, be there for your friend and start living your life on your own terms. Have fun!

mygoat

Would bringing along one or a few of your mates from college be an option, Will.i.am? They would provide some "padding" for your frail self esteem and actually, since you know that many people who have been invited are not going, you could be doing your friend a favour, seeing that he would like to have a big party.

If you do decide to go, make sure you bring your new confidence with you. Keep reminding yourself that you are a likable guy, with great friends, and that you are there to have fun. And give yourself permission to leave at any point if you are not enjoying yourself.

Saying all that, I don't think you should feel obliged to go, especially that you told your friend you might not be going. So only go if you want to go.

will.i.am

Thanks for the advice!
Well it is on tonight and I don't think I'll be able to make contact with anyone.
He invited me to go at 7pm which I think is a bit early so of I do go I might go a bit later than that.
I do get very nervous about social situations and I can feel very awkward around people. I just get very self conscious about people and the place I am in and I start breathing heavily and sweat bucked loads.
I am really worried about tonight already and I don't want to leave this guy down but I don't know how I will cope there I do like him and I don't want to leave hi down. There wouldn't be problem but a lot of the people that would go are away for the Summer.

Lorna123

Once you have a way of leaving early if it doesn't work out, then I would go. I would not go if you are going to feel stuck, miserable and feel that you cannot leave until the end. Play it by ear and then get a taxi home discretely if it doesn't work out. Hope you enjoy it.

Magicmatilda

Why not just go along and see how you get on. After all you can always leave early. I mean you could just go along for an hour or two. I think you would be really letting down one of the people who was nice to you at school, which would be a pity, if you didn't go.

LegacyUser

op, i really hope you're at the party as i type this! i spent far too many years hiding from social events like this because i was afraid of bullys. if i had my life to live over again i would have gone to everything and held my head high.

will.i.am

I went to the 21st. I went at about 9.30 and I went home at about 5am. I didn't got at 7pm but I wouldn't have being able to make it anyway because I was busy. The night went grand. I had a good enough night because a lot of the people that I thought were going to be there weren't. The guy was also happy that I went.
Thanks for the advice...

Lorna123

will.i.am wrote: »

I went to the 21st. I went at about 9.30 and I went home at about 5am. I didn't got at 7pm but I wouldn't have being able to make it anyway because I was busy. The night went grand. I had a good enough night because a lot of the people that I thought were going to be there weren't. The guy was also happy that I went.
Thanks for the advice...

I am so pleased for you, absolutely thrilled. I am sure you feel good about yourself today too. I have a son your age who is very quiet and I was just imagining how he might be in the same scenario as you and I would have been worried about him. I was thinking of you today and wondering had you gone and how it worked out for you. Thanks for letting us know.

Taltos

Really glad this worked out so well for you OP.
As your issue has been resolved we are going to close this thread.

All the best
Taltos