OH cut off contact.

LegacyUser

Iv been going out with a girl for 2 years, both in college and dont live together but it was pretty serious.

About two weeks ago , on a monday, we had a petty argument over text while i was at work, she went out that night clubbing with some of her friends, didnt talk for a day or so then texts me saying she never wants to see me again.

Any time i try and contact her she tells me to f off and is pretty agressive.
Im completely blindsided by this, we have petty arguments occasionally (who doesnt?) but i dont understand why.

Should i just give her time or let her go?

ShaShaBear

Disappeared wrote: »

Iv been going out with a girl for 2 years, both in college and dont live together but it was pretty serious.

About two weeks ago , on a monday, we had a petty argument over text while i was at work, she went out that night clubbing with some of her friends, didnt talk for a day or so then texts me saying she never wants to see me again.

Any time i try and contact her she tells me to f off and is pretty agressive.
Im completely blindsided by this, we have petty arguments occasionally (who doesnt?) but i dont understand why.

Should i just give her time or let her go?

Honestly? This could be mad speculation on my part, but your story just hits with my gut and reminds me of a personal incident. Do you think maybe it's possible while out clubbing that she made a mistake - maybe was with someone else? She might feel guilty about the mistake and is behaving in this way to keep you away from her and having you think you are the one at fault.

I had a petty argument with my now ex one Christmas Day over spending my money on a new phone when I had bills to pay (we didn't live together and were in college, so he really had no business speaking to me like that). He went out Boxing Night with his mate and didn't speak to me until New Years Day, and was very cold and cruel until I broke it off. Then all I heard was that he was heartbroken and miserable and how could I do that to him?

It came out much later that he went to the club with a woman that I had secretly suspected him of cheating on me with, and did in fact take her home. A clever ruse to work me into a tizzy thinking that I had lost my temper and hurt his feelings.

LegacyUser

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Honestly? This could be mad speculation on my part, but your story just hits with my gut and reminds me of a personal incident. Do you think maybe it's possible while out clubbing that she made a mistake - maybe was with someone else? She might feel guilty about the mistake and is behaving in this way to keep you away from her and having you think you are the one at fault.

It crossed my mind, but things were going pretty well between us, a few days before we were planning our holiday.
I could say she doesnt seem the type that cheats but for her to just end it over text after 2 years, im not sure.

I honestly dont know what to do.
If i leave her be, i may end up regretting it but if i keep contacting her i could end up finding something i wouldnt like.

thefeatheredcat

If she's unwilling to talk and being aggressive while you try to find out what is going on, there is no real alternative but to take what she says at face value and move on.

It's her choice she wants to behave that way and end things like that.

All you can do is accept that she does not want to be contacted and no longer wants a relationship with you. She's unwilling to discuss or talk to you and is aggressive towards you. If after 2 years of a relationship she cannot sit down and communicate with you and talk, even to provide an understanding for you and end things on a more mature dignified way, then I say bullet dodged. IMO what she did is cold and cowardly and does not allow for you to have an understanding or closure, but will leave your head wrecked trying to understand it if you even try.

For your own sake, if you are sitting there feeling at fault or wondering wtf did you do or have no clue as to why things have ended, move on after giving yourself some time.

Been in the same boat for no reason whatsoever, it ate away at me and felt I was the one to blame when I wasn't and it took a lot to move past all that when it took me to rock bottom with mountains of questions and doubting myself and losing confidence in myself because it hurt and knocked me hard. Accept the relationship is over and she is unwilling to talk to you and move on. Don't question why, just focus on you and moving on.

Cascading Waterfall

Disappeared wrote: »

It crossed my mind, but things were going pretty well between us, a few days before we were planning our holiday.
I could say she doesnt seem the type that cheats but for her to just end it over text after 2 years, im not sure.

I honestly dont know what to do.
If i leave her be, i may end up regretting it but if i keep contacting her i could end up finding something i wouldnt like.

They rarely do seem the type. Count yourself lucky, either she cheated in which case you should forget about or she is nutcase, in which case you should forget about her.

There are three billion women on planet Earth. Have fun getting to know the rest of them.

Merkin

You sometimes see people breaking up over something totally inconsequential but when you dig a little deeper it's just that one party was looking desperately for a get-out clause and sometimes a petty argument over something silly will facilitate that.

She may have been looking for an opportune time to call time on the relationship and used the immature (and rather cruel) excuse of the argument to set you adrift. It's a ****ty thing to do and don't bother looking for closure as you won't get it.

miamee

Have you tried to talk to her face to face? It is much harder to tell the person in front of you to F off than to hang up the phone or ignore a text.

Redsox Rover

OP, I am in a very similar situation however i was engaged. I came home from a night out with a friend who was having a hard time and was met with a very angry Fiancée who starts to shout and scream at me for taking a relatively small sum of money out of the bank account for my night out. I must point out i wouldnt go out that much and i was only out that night as my close friend had just been dumped!

Anyway she had her bag packed and left. Had no contact all weekend from her and on the Monday i got a call from our wedding venue asking me if they should proceed with the cancellation of the wedding as requested by my now ex. This is how i found out the wedding was off. I returned home to find she had cleared out our entire house. This happened 3 months ago and to this day i have had no contact from her.
For the first month i tried reaching her but i got no response. I got the odd drunken call but nothing really. I tore myself apart trying to think about what i had done to upset her so much. I eventually came to the realisation that things in our relationship werent as they seemed.
Often when you are in a relationship its hard to see the wood from the trees. You overlook some aspects and you dont see what people from the outside can see. Looking back at our relationship, it seemed perfect but it was actually deeply flawed. She was very controlling and jealous, needed to know every detail about everything i had done in a day, who i talked to, what i had for lunch, what time i left work at, silly things. I was dismissive of this as i loved her and could deal with it but i realise now it built up a deep resentment within me for her.

I would imagine that resentment came out in different ways wthout me noticing it. I was obviously making her very unhappy without ever realising it. I dont blame her for leaving, i am not angry with her for leaving. I am angry she has never once tried to explain why but i accept the fact that the relationship had to end. This is coming from a guy who was incredibly happy right up until the end of the relationship and never once thought about leaving her.

Sometimes relationships aren't what we think they are and all it takes is 1 little argument to set events in motion. I am 3 months into this break-up now and i have to say i am much happier now than i was 4 months ago. The beginning of a break-up is extremely difficult and it is only made more difficult by the OH not communicating why they felt they needed out. The worst thing you can do is question yourself. I would suggest taking some time to look after yourself, reflect on the relationship and take a good honest look at how things were between you both and also think about where you really seen it going in the future.

Obviously i am using my own experience to base this response on and i am aware that this is not always the case however i would urge you not to contact her again. Go about your life and enjoy yourself, She may get in contact with you and she may not but at least you are not living your life on the wim of someone else. Accept for now the relationship is over and that right now you need to look after yourself.

Hope the above helps.