Ashamed of drunken behaviour

LegacyUser

Hello,

I'll cut straight to the chase. I'm not happy about certain incidents over the last while that have occured when i'm drinking. I've had a couple of incidents where i've had arguments with a girl and thrown food or drink at her. I have an awful lot of anger towards a situation this girl was involved where I was basically slandered to the high heavens, though to be honest my anger shouldn't be for her directly. I've also had arguments with my bf where I get quite angry with him. I don't want people to view me as someone who starts fights when i'm drunk. I am not this type of person, just lately the drink seems to bring out an ugly side of me I really don't like. I am starting to feel judged for it too.

miamee

Is there any way you can address these issues when sober?

Could you talk to this girl and get to the bottom of the problem/issue?

It sounds like you have buried these feelings or not had an outlet for them and they are not resolved, you are still very angry about whatever happened. Drink less so that you don't get so drunk that this happens again and focus on either resolving this issue with this girl or whoever else was involved or else accepting that it happened and move on.

Chucky the tree

Cut down on your drink? Seems an obvious answer.

PlainP

I am like this when I drink spirits. I go from being this happy go lucky person to an absolute demon. I get really aggressive, angry and just horrible to people I love.


My solution is just to not to drink spirits.


As for you, is it specific drinks or just drink in general?

In relation to the girl, apologize tell her you were in the wrong.

username123

Dont drink?

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who know that alcohol doesnt agree with them for a myriad of reasons - makes them bad tempered, angry, sad, upsets their stomach, gives them terrible hangovers, makes them fee depressed - and yet they still drink!

Its possible to have a good time without alcohol and even better, you wake up the next day with no issues about the night before.

Stench Blossoms

I know alcohol doesn't agree with me. I'm aggressive, rude, bitchy etc so I don't drink.

It's not that hard.

RossFixxxed

I can be extraordinarily unpleasant when I have booze. Had that guilt/fear/shame thing the next day in between bouts of vomiting etc...

Haven't had a drink in 2 years, problem solved, money saved, nothing missed out on.

LegacyUser

same thing happend to me the past few times ive drunk, ive insulted friends and be really rude, its so shamefull the next day, if your not happy in life it will really show up after a few drinks thats what i think anyway, best thing you can do is take a break from the drink even for a month or so clear to your head, you will start feeling better and the next time you head out with friends it will all be forgot about.

ivytwine

I'd advise cut it out completely for a number of months and then see if you can have one or two casual drinks, no pressure, not a night out, just to see has the problem resolved.

You obv feel angry towards these people- why is that and how can you resolve it constructively when you're sober?

thefeatheredcat

The simple, short answer as already suggested, is don't drink. That way you can stay in control of your emotions and how you react to various individuals.

In your post you don't mention how you feel at all about the situation of what this incident of slandering that the girl was involved in, except that you have expressed anger towards her in a form of physical violence.

You need to deal with the anger that you feel, acknowledge it sober and consciously, address it, manage it and work through that anger and be rid of it.

The same goes in relation to your boyfriend. Why are you angry at you him? Is that related to the slandering incident or his reactions to your behaviour, for example? Or something separate completely?

You need to deal with your emotional health and work out why it is you're angry and work it through. You need to find ways of controlling your negative emotions when drunk. Perhaps this girl is a reminder of an unpleasant experience that left you feeling angry inside at the situation and the people involved and yet only would act on that anger when not in full control of yourself i.e. when drunk. It is easy to let that repeatedly happen with other people, that rather than dealing with your emotions, you let them run riot when drunk, and not even about those people either or stuff that they have done, they might just happen to be conveniently there to let yourself project your anger onto them when drunk and it is convenient then to put it behind you in a drunken blur. That will never get you anywhere except the inside of a court room, so I'm glad for you that actually you've come along now to do something about it, rather than let it get more out of control than it already is.

LegacyUser

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

The simple, short answer as already suggested, is don't drink. That way you can stay in control of your emotions and how you react to various individuals.

In your post you don't mention how you feel at all about the situation of what this incident of slandering that the girl was involved in, except that you have expressed anger towards her in a form of physical violence.

You need to deal with the anger that you feel, acknowledge it sober and consciously, address it, manage it and work through that anger and be rid of it.

The same goes in relation to your boyfriend. Why are you angry at you him? Is that related to the slandering incident or his reactions to your behaviour, for example? Or something separate completely?

You need to deal with your emotional health and work out why it is you're angry and work it through. You need to find ways of controlling your negative emotions when drunk. Perhaps this girl is a reminder of an unpleasant experience that left you feeling angry inside at the situation and the people involved and yet only would act on that anger when not in full control of yourself i.e. when drunk. It is easy to let that repeatedly happen with other people, that rather than dealing with your emotions, you let them run riot when drunk, and not even about those people either or stuff that they have done, they might just happen to be conveniently there to let yourself project your anger onto them when drunk and it is convenient then to put it behind you in a drunken blur. That will never get you anywhere except the inside of a court room, so I'm glad for you that actually you've come along now to do something about it, rather than let it get more out of control than it already is.

Thanks for that. I feel total anger and humiliation towards the situation with this girl, though its not her I should be directing my anger at. I think wine is something I should knock on the head when i'm out or heading out. I was out with mates and drank beer and cocktails recently and some spirits and I was fine even though my ex best mate and ex bf who are now together were there and completely rubbing my nose in it (I seem to be a magnet for people to treat like crap) and I didn't even say a word to them, so I don't think it's a case of just been a bad drunk. The incident with my bf was seperate and I was hurt by something he'd said. I am in counselling for other issues and probably shouldn't have drank so much the same day as having a meeting with her.

Merkin

Drunkenlunken wrote: »

I've had a couple of incidents where i've had arguments with a girl and thrown food or drink at her.

You know this is actually assault? She would be well within her rights to take it further if she so wished. You're also having angry arguments with your partner so it's beginning to effect your relationship as well. It sounds to me like you really shouldn't drink alcohol at all.

Some people are allergic to it and if it is causing you to behave in a violent and aggressive manner then you need to knock it on the head completely. And yes, you quite rightly point out that people are judging you for it. I used to work with a manager of a company who was as business-like as they come and had an ego to boot and yet had a major, major problem with alcohol. She'd go out on company work dos, she would fall over, become abusive and aggressive and get kicked out of pubs. She was an absolute laughing stock at work because of it and I could never understand why she insisted on carrying on drinking.

At least you have enough self-awareness to know your behaviour just isn't acceptable. I's say knock it on the head completely.

username123

Drunkenlunken wrote: »

I seem to be a magnet for people to treat like crap

Just on this, you are treated how you allow yourself to be treated by people. No one ever treats me like crap, because I dont stand for it. I respect myself, so I expect other people to respect me, and if they dont, I simply dont associate with them.

Often this type of magnet for other peoples bad behaviour is a reflection of how you actually see yourself. You need to work on your own self esteem and not focus on other people - its from within that good self esteem and self respect come.

LegacyUser

PlainP wrote: »

I am like this when I drink spirits. I go from being this happy go lucky person to an absolute demon. I get really aggressive, angry and just horrible to people I love.


My solution is just to not to drink spirits.


As for you, is it specific drinks or just drink in general?

In relation to the girl, apologize tell her you were in the wrong.

Part of me wants to apolize to her, but I can see it thrown back in my face, her first comments when we had words to call me a "fat bitch" and other irrelevant shallow comments, this is just her mentality. I thought this girl was on the same page as me regarding a girl we used to work with who sacked me and accused me of shoplifting all because of her poor management skills and grey policy procedures regarding staff uniforms, and clothing staff purchase. It was only after I tried to pay for items through a staff member and they then handed me a receipt said they'd gone through, they hadn't so I told them that I'd go get the cash. I mean the staff member didn't have the cop on to see the transaction hadn't gone through so if I was the type of person to steal would this not be my perfect opportunity. It was only after this that the manager tried to accuse me. The girl I was arguing with I met out and mentioned the manager as i'd seen her walking around thinking she's it, how she can hold her head high is beyond me, but she got on the defensive and started being a bitch towards me saying she worked with her now, whats my problem. This girl ran the manager in to the ground and had warned me about her to watch my back etc and now this is her reaction. Sorry for rambling, i'm not saying any of this excuses my behaviour, but any time I see the manager I get so annoyed.

RossFixxxed

username123 wrote: »

Just on this, you are treated how you allow yourself to be treated by people. No one ever treats me like crap, because I dont stand for it. I respect myself, so I expect other people to respect me, and if they dont, I simply dont associate with them.

Often this type of magnet for other peoples bad behaviour is a reflection of how you actually see yourself. You need to work on your own self esteem and not focus on other people - its from within that good self esteem and self respect come.

username I'd kiss you if Boards hadn't made me sign that form saying I wouldn't! I cannot emphasise the post above enough.

If you are abusive, violent, throwing food, being a nasty person people SHOULD treat you like crap.

You have an issue with drink. Not saying you are an alcoholic, but your drinking is causing issues in your life. There's a weird Irish thing where you say drink causes you issues and people say go to the doctor... Let me skip all that for you and give you some advice I learned the hard way:

STOP DRINKING.

If you behaved like this around me on several occasions I would cut you out of my life very quickly.

username123

RossFixxxed wrote: »

username I'd kiss you if Boards hadn't made me sign that form saying I wouldn't! I cannot emphasise the post above enough.

It is true though. The world we see is a reflection of ourselves.

rox5

Just stop drinking, or cut down to one or two drinks at least. Seriously, I never got violent, but I did some REALLY stupid, and embaressing things when I used to get really drunk when I was younger, and it ended up with some people turning against me over the stuff I did. So after one really embaressing night, I vowed never to get that bad again, so I didn't.

Only ever have one or two drinks when I am out now, and when sober I realised that when you are drunk, everything seems like a bit of craic and not a big deal, but when you are sober and looking at drunk people, it is actually really bad. I have seen one sober girl having to look after her drunken mate who puked and pissed on herself at the same time, I saw one guy lose the head completely, I mean really psycho, and tried to start a fight, and also one guy who kept kicking a door and all his mates surrounding him, trying to calm him down.
I can't imagine they would show their faces for ages, or if their friends would want to bring them out again if that is how they act, so getting drunk it not worth losing friends and good connections over.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

It is true though. The world we see is a reflection of ourselves.

Not all cliches are true. I'm a caring, honest, reliable and thoughtful person. I am actually one of those people who is over responsible for others feelings and worry about my family and friends. Where did you get the impression I don't respect others or myself? These are a couple of isolated incidents I feel bad about, from that you got I don't have respect for myself or others. If that's the case why would I even feel guilty. I am open to criticism and peoples opinions, but saying someone has no respect for themselves or others when you know nothing about them bar a couple of incidents seems excessive.

username123

Drunkenlunken wrote: »

Where did you get the impression I don't respect others or myself?

The bit where you said you assaulted someone. Normally when someone respects other people they dont throw food or drink at them. And same goes for having self respect, you let yourself down to behave that way. Ditto for being a magnet for crap.

I can only post in response to what you posted. Im sorry if you do not like my response, it was not intended to offend.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

The bit where you said you assaulted someone. Normally when someone respects other people they dont throw food or drink at them. And same goes for having self respect, you let yourself down to behave that way. Ditto for being a magnet for crap.

I can only post in response to what you posted. Im sorry if you do not like my response, it was not intended to offend.

I also stated this was unusual behaviour for me and I felt bad about it. You are making huge over generalisations.

username123

drunkenlunken wrote: »

I also stated this was unusual behaviour for me and I felt bad about it. You are making huge over generalisations.

Grand. As I said, I an only respond to what you post.

You might ask yourself why reference to respect seems to touch a nerve with you.

kjl

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

I know alcohol doesn't agree with me. I'm aggressive, rude, bitchy etc so I don't drink.

It's not that hard.

Diddo, 10 years sober now.

mr_edge_to_you

Drunkenlunken wrote: »

I think wine is something I should knock on the head when i'm out or heading out. I was out with mates and drank beer and cocktails recently and some spirits and I was fine.........

you need to stop drinking all alcohol.

you seem to have been involved in a number of situations recently and you seem to be aggravating them when you go out drinking. You're not helping yourself.

RossFixxxed

username123 wrote: »

Grand. As I said, I an only respond to what you post.

You might ask yourself why reference to respect seems to touch a nerve with you.

Like anyone you posted to OP based on what they wrote. Intrespection is to be encouraged, even if the post was wrong it is well worth considering the points alright, and definitely worth looking into why OP reacted so knee jerk... Do you do that often OP? Is that part of you that drink brings to the fore in a strong way?

Once again though, stop drinking.