Confession before Marriage

Matt_Trakker

So, I'm gettin hitched fairly soon.
And I've got to go to confession twice before it.

I'm living abroad so I'm not sure whether that's the way it's done back home in Ireland.
However, I've to go to confession anyway and the priest will give me a wee document saying I've had the confessions.

First of all I've to find a priest that speaks some English coz my German sounds like a stroke victim on meth, but the thing is I've heard from Austrian mates here that he's gonna expect me to say things like "I'm sorry for having sex before marriage, I've had lustful thoughts etc."

Thing is, I learned that for a proper confession you have to be sorry for your sins, I'm not sorry for having pre-martial sex, in fact I wished I'd had tons more of it when I was younger.

What to do? If I want confession I should really be sorry for what I've done, no?
For example, if I had killed someone in battle or if took advantage of colleagues to get a promotion/raise, I wouldn't necessarily be sorry for these things, so no point in saying that I am. It might be wrong, but what's the point in lying to the priest?

homer911

A good question - I look forward to the answers.

georgieporgy

At least you're honest, so that's a plus.

But it's clear you know very little about your religion. So trying to get married in the Catholic Church would be just a charade at this point. Tell the priest honestly what your beliefs are and take it from there.

Only one confession (a real one) is required.

tf19

It does beg the question why on earth you want to marrying as a Catholic in a Catholic Church ?

Is it to please the other half, or is she and/or the Priest under the false impression that you're still a Catholic ?

Or is it that you both just want a scenic backdrop and ceremony ?

It is not possible for a non Catholic / ex Catholic and now virtual Atheist / Protestant or whatever your current belief may be, to undertake the sacrament of reconciliation before the sacrament of marriage, unless they are lying about their beliefs. In fact I would imagine any Priest would be totally against such a pointless and dishonest charade. There is however an obligation/responsibility for a Catholic to have the sacrament of reconciliation before the sacrament of marriage, and no Priest can administer the sacrament of reconciliation unless there is genuine repentance.

If you still want to remain Catholic or at least Christian, has the sacrament of marriage and what it means, ever really been explained to you properly or explained well to you before ? Has the reason for keeping sex inside marriage ever been well or properly explained to you ? A lot of Catholics and Christians have never had it well explained to them in any meaningful and understanding way.

The "Humae Vitae" encyclical of Pope Paul VI, explains the reasons why :

(You need to study the full document if you are really interested, or have it well explained by someone skilled enough to do so, mere quotes cannot do it justice)

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

. . . . The transmission of human life is a most serious role in which married people collaborate freely and responsibly with God the Creator. It has always been a source of great joy to them, even though it sometimes entails many difficulties and hardships.

The fulfillment of this duty has always posed problems to the conscience of married people, but the recent course of human society and the concomitant changes have provoked new questions. The Church cannot ignore these questions, for they concern matters intimately connected with the life and happiness of human beings.

Married love particularly reveals its true nature and nobility when we realize that it takes its origin from God, who "is love," the Father "from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named."

Marriage, then, is far from being the effect of chance or the result of the blind evolution of natural forces. It is in reality the wise and provident institution of God the Creator, whose purpose was to effect in man His loving design. As a consequence, husband and wife, through that mutual gift of themselves, which is specific and exclusive to them alone, develop that union of two persons in which they perfect one another, cooperating with God in the generation and rearing of new lives. . . .

As well as the importance of marriage and its purpose, "Humae Vitae" also explains why the Church is against birth control/artificial contraception, as it's effectively human life prevention.


The best advice has already been given by a poster above, talk it over with your preferred Priest, one that you feel is approachable, and be totally honest about your beliefs.

Honesty is the best policy.

Don't go through with the Catholic sacraments of reconciliation and marriage pretending.

The Priest might be able to sort something out, like a mixed marriage arrangement perhaps (if your other half is a believing / practicing Catholic), but if you don't agree with Catholic teaching it certainly won't be a Catholic marries Catholic type event.

Whatever way it works out, best of luck on your wedding day, and best wishes to you both for you marriage.

sillysmiles

tf19 wrote: »

It does beg the question why on earth you want to marrying as a Catholic in a Catholic Church ?

Is it not possible to be Catholic but disagree with some of it? Surely the central message of Catholicism (sp?) is to love one another is be good to people, treat people as you would like to be treated.

tf19

sillysmiles wrote: »

Is it not possible to be Catholic but disagree with some of it?

Certainly not the major beliefs / doctrines, such as respect for marriage and the sacraments.

sillysmiles wrote: »

Surely the central message of Catholicism (sp?) is to love one another is be good to people, treat people as you would like to be treated.

That's only half of Catholicism and Christianity. All non believers in God are perfectly capable of that half. The other half is about also loving God wanting to know and keep his commandments, all of which all have value, purpose and meaning, and therefore being good to God in return, and treating him how you would like to be treated.

sillysmiles

But the commandment don't mention anything about sex before marriage....?

tf19

sillysmiles wrote: »

But the commandment don't mention anything about sex before marriage....?

Sex outside marriage is described as sexual immorality throughout the bible.
http://www.openbible.info/topics/sexual_immorality
(In older translations it's described as fornication)

There is no get out clause for Christians.
I would not be doing anyone any favours by saying otherwise.
Others may do as they please.

Benny_Cake

Perhaps a Catholic wedding isn't for you OP, there are plenty of alternatives though. In any case, as others have advised, find a friendly priest who can talk you through things. From your post I'm guessing you're in Austria? If you're in or around Vienna there is an English-speaking Catholic parish here: http://www.vescc.org

Best of luck with the wedding whatever you decide!