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Hot and then gone

  • 04-06-2013 9:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months. Over the months I have grown to love him and even though we have our problems from time to time I have always been crazy about him. Both of us are very similar although we are from different countries and while I don't usually believe in this kind of thing, it does feel like we are drawn together. We already love eachother very much.


    Here is the issue. His friend lost his apartment 6 weeks ago and moved in with my BF. At first it was okay but then slowly I started getting less calls, less texts and eventually it turned to being ignored while my BF had the lads around drinking. We just spent the week on holidays and had a lovely time but we've been home 3 days now and I have barely heard from him at all. He said he'd meet me today but has since ignored two texts and a call from me. It seems like he is not interested but I know deep down that this isn't true, I know he loves me. It seems since his friend moved in that he's reverted back to a bachelor lifestyle. Am I being clingy for expecting contact regularly? I think 3 days without seeing eachother is a long time and especially if we've barely communicated since then. It's so hard to concentrate on anything when he leaves me hanging like this. We recently had a pregnancy scare and I was surprised by his reaction, he really seemed rather happy at the prospect of having a baby. He (at least says) that I am in every vision he has of his future. But how can this be so when he ignores me like this? I couldn't risk having a baby with somebody who makes himself non existent 2/3 days at a time!!! and more importantly, how can I get this through to him that it hurts me to feel forgotten about or less important than the lads?

    He's got issues with alcohol anyway but I can't seem to get him to fully admit to it. I'm not blaming his friends either if it looks that way. The guy who moved in is actually really nice it's just when he's around my BF seems to forget that I'm waiting for him and goes off and gets drunk. It is really hurtful. What can I do? Is there anything I really can do aside from ending the relationship? I really don't want to do that but I am hurting and I hate that he can go 3 days without even wanting to see me.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    It does sound as though your boyfriend is an alcoholic. Until he gets help for this, alcohol will always come first, especially if he perceives you as an obstacle to drinking as much as he likes without interference.

    I presume you have sat him down and told him your expectations i.e. regular (daily) contact. If not, this needs to happen immediately.

    If nothing changes you have to ask yourself if you can continue to live like this.

    Partners of addicts always come second to the drug of choice and that does not change until the addict decides to confront the problems.


  • #3
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    bagofcarrots wrote: »
    Partners of addicts always come second to the drug of choice and that does not change until the addict decides to confront the problems.

    And worse, children of addicts suffer years of damage and hurt that they take on into adulthood. I am the adult child of an alcoholic - I wouldnt wish it on any child.

    I would not advise you to continue this relationship until your partner sorts out his alcohol issues. In only 6 months it is clear to you there is a problem, that is a major red flag. Most alcoholics are still hiding it that early in a relationship.


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